u/FriskUdAfBadet

Hello everyone. My gf (31f) and me (32m) have been together four years, and she is for sure the love of my life. I’m not very close with my family, and she has the same issue with her family which makes us both eachothers family.

Recently she’s started talking about having kids, which haven’t been a topic before. More of her girl friends are having kids and getting pregnant recently, and I think she’ve decided that she want kids because of that, and because she sees a life with me, and us building a family. I see a future with her too, but I’ve never been sure or had the feeling that I just really need to be a father or having kids.

I’m a pedagogue and work with kids everyday which is a job I love, but the thought of coming home to a kid is both frightening and tirering to me. I love her and will never let her go, and she surely made me into the man I am today, but I feel that it’s make or break for her about this thing, and she’s talking about the clock is running out.

Recently I’ve had a serious back injury and sick and she’s taken very good care of me. That made me realize that it’s actually important for me to stay with someone to feel safe if something similar happens in the future.

I know that having kids for her sake is not a good idea, but on the other hand I can not imagine a life without her. I know that we will become good parents, and have right economic and living situation, but I feel very privileged and guilty about not being sure about kids, cause everything is as it should be for it to happen?

I’m very splitted and I’m a bit afraid that I end up regretting having a kid, but on the other hand, I don’t know how life with a kid will be? I can only relate to my own childhood, and the thought of the million billion practical stuff is turning me off, I just really love my peace and “me time”, haha.

I also really love my nephew and niece who are 5 and 3, and really enjoy visiting my sister and play with them, but as much as I enjoy that, I also really enjoy to be able to leave and take the train home to a quiet apartment with no screaming and crying kid/s.

The thought of us not being together is frightening, but I’m not sure what to do.. I’ve said to her that I’m not far off her on the scale of having a kid. I was far off before, but her telling me that she want a kid, has drawn me closer to her about a deciding.

She also said that she don’t want me to force on having a kid, which I’m glad she says, she really do love and respect me. She’s saying that I’m not worrying enough about her in this whole process, because it’s her body and feelings as well. Maybe I’m not good enough at asking I agree with that, but I do really love her. She said that she has made up her mind, and that she’s afraid that we won’t be together if I won’t decide soon. She’s not pressuring me but I can feel that she really wants an answer soon.

We’ve been talking about it for the last few days, but there is no final conclusion.. Can you recommend me to talk to someone about it? Or maybe together? Or help me decide further? Thx in advance