Bipolar disorder is ruining me.
I'm 19 years old, and honestly, I feel like mental health has taken over my life. I have BPD and depression, and no matter how hard I try to better myself, I always seem to end up right back where I started. It feels like my own mind is constantly working against me.
It's affecting my relationships too. People see the way I act when I'm struggling, but they don't always understand what's going on in my head. I don't blame them for getting frustrated or tired of it, but it still hurts feeling like I'm pushing away people I care about.
My family is losing patience with me as well. I feel like all I ever talk about are my problems, and somewhere along the way I've become so focused on the negative that I struggle to see anything good anymore. Even when I know there are things in my life I should appreciate, it's hard to actually feel it.
The hardest part is that I know I have things going for me. I know I'm young and that there's probably more ahead of me than I can see right now. But when you're fighting your own thoughts every single day, it's exhausting. It feels like I'm constantly carrying a weight that nobody else can see.
I'm not posting this for pity. I'm genuinely looking for advice from people who have been through something similar. If you've ever felt trapped by your own mind and found a way forward, what helped you?