u/FrostyFault6113

I am a 26M

I met a girl through Facebook, but it wasn't dating. I had posted something on the local township Facebook group looking for dating events, and she PM'ed me. 30F, with no kids. I entertained it, and once I seen a photo of her, I was very interested and got her number. After a bit of talking, we ended up going to a bar a couple days later and we really hit it off. I am new to this city, and I know nobody but coworkers so this was huge for me. We had a lot in common such as our claim to Christian morals, very similar political views, and she was very very cute. Red hair, and just adorable. After that night, we texted for a couple days, and I didn't really see any red flags.

Then on Friday, while I'm driving my work truck, she calls me up and asks me to go out to a restaurant she likes. I had planned on calling her that day, but she beat me to it. I was super excited. After work, I head home, and freshen up. Hours go by, I tried to call her but her phone didn't pickup. Eventually, she calls me and says she's dealing with something that came up but she still wants to go out. Okay, I keep waiting. Eventually she calls back and says that she thinks it's a bit late to get food and she's not all that hungry, but that she thinks I would like her favorite bar so I agreed, and drove up there. Just a reminder, I do not frequent bars. That scene is somewhat new to me.

Anyway, I get there and she's already at the bar talking with the person next to her. I ordered my drink and we started talking. It became immediately clear to me that she was a regular at this bar, more than I might've thought. She was constantly getting up and going to say hi to people she knew as they walked in. As she kept drinking, we got to talking more, and moved to the corner. I didn't drink much more than a little Jameson and a Rum and Coke. But by the time she got to 5 drinks, that's when the slurs started. Now, being where I am from and where I've lived, I know when people are just joking or trying to be edgy. She was being serious. Hard-R mainly, but there were other slurs she threw out there. Turns out, the reason she wanted to move to the corner was so she could people watch, and keep an eye on them. She would stare at people, point at them, refer to them as certain slurs or other offensive terms, and kept drinking. Keep in mind she was gettin all up on me most of the time so I was trying to figure out when I should make a judgement call. Eventually, she started to try and pick me apart, calling me a honky and hick (I'm white), and try to tell me that she knows me already and that I'm an alcoholic (I was in AA for short amount of time years ago, she already knew that), and then told me that she's always been racist (openly admitting to it), and at that point I messaged a buddy for a ride. That's when her mood changed, and she got all sad and was giving me faces and not talking to me. I tried to tell her I didn't need an Uber from her, because she was offering me one, because I didn't want her to spend her money on me (truthfully, my buddy was gonna bring his girl so I wouldn't have to come back for my truck, I didn't want to leave it here), but she would continue to get worse until I just decided to get up, and walk out without sayin a word. She didn't chase me, but I drove my truck around the block just because I didn't want her coming out and seeing me waiting for my buddy. I started getting messages from her like "You're rude asf", "You're an alcoholic", "Don't talk to me again", etc.... I knew she was drunk as hell but I know a lot of people let the truth slip out about how they really feel when they are, including the overt racism that made me very uncomfortable, not to mention trying to pick me apart.

I chose not to block her because I wanted to see if she would apologize at all. The next morning around noon, I got a message that read as such:

"Sorry I let myself like you, I hope you end up in life where you want to be"

I kept my response short, but basically said thank you, even though I think this is a garbage apology that addresses absolutely nothing about what happened. Then I blocked her. Only took me a day to recover from that, but I was really disappointed because I thought I finally found someone but they turned out to be absolutely disgusting on the inside...

For the record, I feel bad for leaving her without explaining why. But I couldn't handle it anymore, even if she was sweet on the outside and kind when she's sober.

And I should add, I moved to this city to be near my 4yo son. I wouldn't want that kind of person anywhere near him ever.

Guess I will keep waiting... Thanks for your time