u/FullMetalValkyr

Can anyone relate so being isolated so long that it's like deformed their life?

To make it brief, I sort of started to isolate pre covid because I was depressed and thought people were holding me back. I thought it was better to work on myself and not use needing other people as an excuse to start things. Since then, I've moved twice and basically never had anyone over at my place. I went from not being able to imagine doing things alone, to only doing things alone.

Lately to combat my anxiety and make up for lost time, I finally started taking small trips to learn to travel, or challenge myself a little. Every time I just get completely existentially gobsmacked. When I travel alone, I feel so insanely insignificant, like no one knows who I am at all, and I see other people just kept swept up completely by life and it makes me feel a deep sadness.

I feel like if I saw myself from a third person view, I wouldn't understand at all. I don't feel like a person at all, or like I have a life.

There's that mystery case of a man who checked into a hotel over the span of a week and went missing, and there was no record of him ever being a person, and honestly I can relate.

I'm working with my doctor to isolate out why I've been so tired. I used to be a night owl, now I'd say most nights out of the year I sleep after work at supper until 10pm or midnight. Getting about 7.5hrs sleep a night on average over a year. I yawn profusely all day. I honestly don't think I've done the dishes since after Christmas. Even if I'm not tired I just feel tired in my willpower. I can do one small thing after work and that's about it. Any time I lie down which is often I'll sleep for 4 hours. I don't want to do anything and don't have energy to do anything, it's been brutal lately.