u/Full_Replacement6612

3 weeks ago, me [21m] and my ex [22f] broke up. We had been together for 4 years. We broke up on good terms, we still liked eachother and were planning to be friends. I wasn't happy in the relationship anymore and neither was she.

The first week we were still communicating occassionally, as in the odd "how are you doing?", checking in messages. It was awkward but i couldn't bear to let her go.

At the end of the first week we were on the phone and i started crying because it hurts not having her around. She told me I shouldn't speak to her again as it would hurt me long term. I understood and tried to move on.

After a 8 days of no communication she messages me saying how much she misses me and that she does still want to be friends. She said she wants me to put myself out there again, but i told her it is way too soon for me. She said that she wont date for a while either. Im ashamed that this comforted me because i want her to be happy. We told eachother that if the other person meets someone then we will respect their partner and stop talking entirely. She asked if i would want her to tell me if she started seeing someone. I said no as it would just hurt too much.

Its been 4 days and she sent me a video of the two of us laughing together playing a stupid game. She kept texting me "Why did you stop loving me like this?" And "Why did you stop wanting me?". In response to this i dumped on her. I told her how i never stopped loving her and apologized.

After this exchange she apologized for being unfiltered. And 10 minutes later she told me "I want you to hear this from me first. Im talking to someone now. We should stop talking.".

I got this message 2 hours ago. Im breaking down so hard. I knew we couldnt stay friends forever and that she would meet new people. But it has barely been 2 weeks. I feel like such a fool for still loving someone who doesn't care about me anymore. I have been led on and off for 3 weeks and i can't take it anymore.

This was my first relationship. I have known her since i was 16. She was my world. In 3 weeks i have been replaced. It makes the past 4 years feel fake.

What do i do now? How did you cope with this?

I [21M] just broke up with my gf [22F]. For context: we have been together for 4 years and i have known her since i was 16. This was my first relationship.

We met in college and shared a lot in common so things were so smooth. This was the first serious relationship for both of us. I was really bad about opening up about my negative emotions specifically and i was trying to work on that through our whole relationship. It was hard as it felt like every time i would open up about them she would get angry or upset with me and i would end up feeling really guilty and push down my feelings to make sure she was happy. This was the case for three years where i was constantly shutting down my emotions to make sure she was happy. Just to mention i loved her so much in this time that it never bothered me. We were certain that we would get married and be together forever. My gf was coping with depression which started before we got together and i tried my best to keep her happy and to help get her though it.

2 years into our relationship, when the time came to go to university, i tried to get into one in the same city as i didn't want to become a long distance relationship. Things continued to be great for the whole of our first year.

We decided to move in together for our second year as we were both so happy and thought it would ve really fun. So we found a small flat and moved in at the start of the year.

Then things started to go down hill. I became depressed, mostly from constant neglect of my negative emotions combined with university stress and feeling lonely at university. Because of this i would constantly upset her as i wasn't showing her enough attention. She convinced me to go to counselling which helped short term. She started medication for hers and she would tell me how amazing her life was now that she was feeling happier.

This made me feel like an asshole because instead of being happy for her i started spiraling because i was not able to enjoy it with her and i realised i had spent so long sacrificing my happiness to make her happy that i was now depressed. I still feel so guilty about feeling that way.

Since i started being depressed my sex drive went through the floor. Like barely twice a month. This upset her a lot as she said its her love language. This made things even harder because i felt so guilty about not wanting it that my depression became even worse. It got to the point where she was getting angry at me for not wanting it and for being depressed in general. We slowly drifted into acting more platonic, in which we would both still have a lot of fun together.

Eventually a month or so ago i started to think about breaking up with her because i couldn't see our relationship being healthy enough for me to get better anymore. I know she wanted me too get better.

Then the day after our 4 year anniversary she told me she wanted to break up and i agreed. Then she was upset that i didn't want to fight for the relationship anymore. I explained that i dont want to keep hurting her anymore and that i dont think i could get better in this relationship.

She said she would still like to be best friends and i really wanted to as well. She moved out the next day and i moved out the following.

The whole process was the most heart breaking and painful experience i have ever had.

We called a couple days later and i told her that i still loved her even though things ended and she told me i shouldn't talk to her anymore as it will just continue to hurt me in the long term.

I know the whole break down of the relationship was my fault. She made that clear. I feel so empty without her but i can't do anything about it now. Am i allowed to still feel grief and pain about it?

I'm sorry for the long post.