Fiance (25M) keeps blowing up on me (25M) and I can't take it
Is this something therapy can fix?
My fiance and I have been together for about 7 years. We've definitely had rough patches and he had a history of walking out of our relationship in the early years of our relationship. But he's sweet and I love him to bits so I kept coming back.
Fast forward to now, he's been living in my house since his parents are getting a divorce and selling theirs. No biggie, I always wanted to live with him despite us having wildly different lifestyles before. But ever since he moved in something has changed. He has always been a little mentally unwell, but so I am. He is a lot more performative when he's upset than I remember him ever being. We sleep in the same bedroom, but I gave him a bedroom of his own so he could have his own space. So when he gets upset, he should just go in there if he needs to be left alone.
We have had a lot of problems with argument resolution lately, we did in the past too, but he used to just sit there and refuse to talk or listen. Would literally sit and pout. I communicated it bothered me enough times so we came up with a rule if that's all he's gonna do he can just do it in his room.
Today we had an argument about him getting in my way in our VERY small kitchen, when he could clearly see I'm busy and I asked him to give me a second. "Oh I was just wondering if there was a container to put my leftovers in". Again- Ok give me a second. He sets it down on the counter and got all huff and puffy. I asked him what the attitude was about and he stormed upstairs to play video games in our bedroom. So when I'm done I go up there and ask like what his problem is-because WTH?
So we start arguing, he stonewalls me and goes to his room. Maybe 30 minutes later he comes back and he's got an even bigger attitude telling me he doesn't like the way I spoke to him and starts being rude to me. What? That I was annoyed he has to ask me to do something when I'm already doing other things. And that yes I did get mad because he copped an attitude over it?
So he comes back, it's even more vicious than before and I let him speak his side of things first without interrupting him . Then I start and he's interrupting me left and right, telling me to go back to something or skip something if he doesn't like it. Eventually It comes to a point where I'm like ok you are being unreasonable leave me alone. He leaves the room and doesn't shut the door so I complain about it and go get up to close it myself , and he's at my door again trying to get the last word in while shutting it so I just push it closed.
He barges back in, yelling at me for " slamming it" in his face, then slams his door, goes into his closet that the wall connect to my room- and just starts punching and slamming shit in there. My wall shook. I went in there and told him absolutely not and he needs to leave , he tried to protest it but I was firm- go for a walk, go drive somewhere I don't care anywhere but here.
I am starting to get worried that I haven't heard from him as he is not mentally well, but I'm at my limit and I just don't know what to do anymore. I love him dearly but the stonewalling and rage fits, and projecting it on me like it's both our wrong doing is eating me. He cannot be acting violent in this house, we rent here and ultimately my mom holds the lease originally. He's agreed to see a therapist for months now, but he isn't even trying to get health insurance right now.
Aside from if therapy can fix this, is there any reasoning that would make it ok for him to go throw his violent fit in the closet ? What would I have to say to make that a reasonable response because I just don't see one.
Sorry I know this is a lot, honestly there's a whole lot more I wanted to include so it could all make more sense but this is reddit.