u/FumpsterDuck

Hi All,

Struggling with this one. This girl I'm dating, she's a widow. I know her situation is delicate so I've been taking my time with things, not trying to be over-bearing or whatnot.

I found out she has a friend-with-benefits, she was open about this early on when we started dating (but I don't think she's pursued any sexual relations, and said she hasn't, and has chosen to move on since he's not available). Apparently one who's helped her get back on track with things since her husband passed. She said "he will always be apart of my life" and said she can go to "tea & talks without the benefits". She's told me that she is not seeking anyone else, and she's not having sex with the FWB anymore.

This part just rattled me beyond belief as I'm one of those guys who will shut other contacts of interest off completely.

The problem is; he's married. He has a kid with the wife, and he's cheating on her with this woman I'm dating (apparently not since we've been dating one another according to her). Another massive red flag. But, she said the wife sleeps around, too. Sounds like there's nothing left in the marriage.

She also has feelings for him, saying she's working on that, and if he was available, she would pursue something with him.

I just find that part the worst -- if there were no relationship feelings, I wouldn't mind as much, but it just feels like he's still there in her back pocket for the future, although she sees no relationship there in the foreseeable future. I would still mind, regardless, that my significant other was out hanging out with someone she's had sex with, and also had feelings for.

Another thing she asked me 2 weeks or so ago was "do you keep in-touch with exes or hookups" and I said "absolutely not, I'm super loyal" and I asked "What about you?" and her response was "Nope, too much drama."

It hasn't been a long time that we've known one another, but I can tell you that I am deeply already hurt by this and am just looking for advice. I know this is a delicate situation where she has lost her husband, and her FWB probably helped her immensely, but I can't get past this part of her life that she seems to still want him to be involved in some way.

Appreciate any advice.

Been dating this woman seeing how things go now for about 3 weeks or so that we’ve known one another. She has a FWB who she considers a friend.

She asked me what if I kept in touch with past relationships or hookups and I said I didn’t. I asked her if she did. She said no, “too much drama.”

Today I found out she wants to remain friends with him, and he will always be a part of her life. He has a wife and a kid. She says she has feelings for him, but he won’t be available for the foreseeable future.

My problem is; I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I knew she was going out to have “tea and talks” with him.

I think he’s been a huge component to her getting out of her funk, and she wants to keep him as a friend. Her exact words were “we can have tea and talks with no benefits” and when we spoke on the phone tonight she said “if I say there’s nothing going on, there’s nothing going on.”

I get situation is delicate. She’s a widow. She does have her shit together extremely well, though. I’ll give her that.

But I can’t get behind this. I know it’s mad early to expect her to care about this, but does anyone else have a similar situation? She’s admitted to having feelings for him that she is working on. She understands he doesn’t want a relationship with her as he’s married. Both things are very red flag-y for me. She’s helping him cheat, still had feelings for him, while trying to kindle things with me.

I really like her a lot but this is a weird one for me.

If I’m being an idiot by all means; let me have it.

Thanks.