Stuck being mad and hurt.
last july i relapsed for the upteenth time and a week later the AA group chat tells each other happy fourth of july and everyone is liking / hearting each others messages, finaly i chime in and absolute crickets. a couple days later i leave the group chat because it was silent after i chimed in. i took a month tjinking about this but in the end i didnt like that and i thought it was shady. i talked to my therapist and she even said she might be biased but that they were acting like little bitches. i slowly talked to my friends about it and said i dont think H_ and O_ like me and told them what happened. i expressed to my friends i was mad and yeah i dont like them anymore either. i deleted them off everything. took some months but today i see H_ blocked me on instagram. im upset that im blocked rather than the other way around. obviously she's upset too but i feel like mine is more justified. i hate them and i dont want to go back to AA because i'm resentful at most people over the fact that i'm not important enough for them to even text me to catch up. I’m also honestly jealous of them for their sobriety/ working the program and also the fact they can stay in the community because they don’t have the shame and guilt and now BEEF that I have. i also know im wrong in some areas and i feel wrong for even being upset / resentful. stuck in this loop.
I’m posting here because AA used to be a big part in my life for so long, and I also just need help with this resentment. Every time I think of them I’m angry. And any time I want to visit old AA friends I’m anxious and paranoid of inevitably running into them, physically I’m not well. And I don’t know how to handle it or confront or not idk.