r/Relatable

Hair isn’t just hair,it frames your entire face. Same features, same person… completely different look. It’s crazy how much confidence and perception can shift with just this one change.

Be honest, how big is the difference?

I’m 16. The epitome of teenagehood. My life’s nothing like the fucking movies.

Belly from The Summer I Turned Pretty, Katniss from The Hunger Games, Laura Jean from To all the boys I've loved before. All of these 16-year old protagonists that I dreamt, no, protagonists that I expected to embody once I reached this sweet age. 

Here I am: I don’t do boys. I don’t drink. I rarely leave the house. I copy my friends. I value others' expectations over me more than my own.

I don’t know. there is so much i don't know. i dont understand. there is so much i dont understand.

I’m in an awkward stage where I haven’t lived enough of life and experienced enough hardships to have an identity. Do not get me wrong, I love my life, I am extremely privileged to have everything and everyone around me. But, at times I reflect and attempt to gauge what kind of person I am. I am extremely self aware of how 2 years ago I enunciated my vowels more and had softened my consonants because I was surrounded by east-asian friends (with that accent). I used to fail math because my friends weren’t studying and I thought putting in effort was something to be embarrassed about. 

I lost so many parts of me, real or not. I sifted through all the ragged and powdery sediment and I am still being sifted through. I hurt people because of this. I lost friends, I made small yet detrimental mistakes. I cried. I yelled. I shouted at my parents who only tried to help. All because I was forcing pieces of a puzzle that didn’t belong.

Then, I stopped.

In my experience, the only way to feel fulfilled is by not having expectations; your own, societal ones, family ones, friends. 

As unromantic as it may sound, I’m getting by. I’m getting by without expecting much and have been feeling more content with myself. I stopped expecting him to text me first. Or being invited to a classmate’s birthday party. I initiated my own plans. I stopped expecting myself to fail a chemistry exam. I put in effort. I stopped forcing myself to watch youtubers that my friends enjoy. I stopped avoiding doing things just because my friends won’t join me. 

I saw instant results. My days end with more satisfaction. I don’t talk to people to not look lonely. I don’t obsess over how a boy replied to me 7 minutes late. I don’t do anything that isn’t myself. I do it all for me.

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