Got diagnosed with BP
Well, All of those instagram meme reels arnt feeling so funny, is it?
i am not really sure what i am supposed to say. Is this it? is believing that there is something wrong with me fundamentally true all along?
I mean when I look back, My manic episodes, anger issues, abandoment and other dumbfuckery makes too sense now.
Yay. I am now mentally ill, now i have a great excuse to continue living the big disappointment i have became, Right?
all ever i wanted was to be normal, and apprently now i realise that there is nothing i can do to be normal.
For the rest of my life, my patterns will keep repeat.
For rest of my life, i will keep getting angry on my most loved ones randomly and then a week later find myself begging to get forgiven and drown myself in guilt.
I will never be consistent with anything i do and i will keep leaving it.
This is the truth of my life i suppose. Motivation? Discipline? Obession? Talent? Fuck all of that, nothing matters if you got something wrong with yo head.
But it doesnt even matter, Its my life, and i will have to live it, not anyone else.
Fuck. I am still young and i just need to focus on making money and then attend lots of therapy and idk what fuck not to fix myself.
What an insane veil of self doubt i possess. Not even a veil, its a fucking spider web.
it doesnt matter. I think i just to need to sleep for now...