I cannot understand how Allah allows Polygyny.
Salam aleykom,
I hope my message does not come across as ignorant or arrogant. This topic has been killing me lately.
First I will tell you some context about Polygyny and then tell you how it can be practiced.
I know it came in a time during war, where women were left without protection. They would be misused and left alone. Therefore Polygyny during that time was absolutely necessary.
You can stipulate that you have the right for divorce if he marries someone else. And some say you can stipulate "no polygyny". But it depends on the Imam, some wont officiate the marriage. But at the end of the day, the man can still marry someone else because it is his right. You cannot make something halal, haram.
A man can marry without permission of first wife.
A man can marry without knowledge of first wife.
All he needs to do is be just. This does not include emotional justice.
Now comes the story:
There is a woman who married a man when he was young and broke. She sacrificed her life for him. Moved across the planet, left family and friends, and was ready to give it her all. As a wife she fulfilled all of her duties. She also gave up work to raise kids and take care of household. Now 20 years later, the man decided to marry someone younger than her. She was not physically pretty anymore and pretty old. He did so without her consent. When she found out, she broke apart. She locked herself in her bedroom. Did not eat, sleep, had constant panic attacks and did not function as a human being. She felt betrayed. This affected the kids too. They developed trauma and mental illness. But the man did try his best to be kind, just and equal. Islamically he did nothing wrong. If he wants to fulfill his desires, he can do it. She is the one who is not accepting the situation. Its not his problem. And he is not sinful because he is trying his best and did it within Islamic guidelines. She also cannot divorce because she has no job, no family, no friends and has kids.
I dont see any wisdom in this situation. This case is not a rare one. Women developing mental illnesses, homes being broken and kids being traumatized is something I always hear when it comes to polygyny.
There are many other stories like men signing nikkah while first one is giving birth. Or men hiding marriage completely and only at funeral first family gets to know about second one.
You know what hurts the most. Its that a man can marry out of sexual desires. And as long as he is just and kind, he is not sinful. In other words: the mans desire is prioritized over mental heath of women. Its not a wise choice, but its a right Allah gave them.
Even if she did divorce him. Whats the wisdom? She has no home, friends, family, lost custody to kids, developed mental illness and was betrayed. He has a car, house, his kids and a new wife.
And men do know Allah favors them in this matter, dont tell me it benefits widows etc. It leads to more harm than good. It benefits men, harms women, yet women have no say? At minor inconveniences in the marriage men also always threaten the first wife with polygyny. They know it breaks them apart.
So I have been wondering. Does Allah really care for women? There are MANY other things I could talk about. Islamic principles like no harm, not deceiving etc seem to have no place here? I just want to know how women know this and are able to cope? Please directly answer my question and dont start telling me about other things in Islam. It seems like brainwashing honestly. (astaghfirallah i know, i cannot help my pain tho)
Baraku allah feekum