u/Fun_Street_3902

Had a really hard day

My schizo brother told me that he never felt connected to us and never really liked us eventough he tried. He is not in active psychosis atm. I gave my life for him trying to make sure he was okay, everything was always about him, i was emotionally neglected severely. I would not eat during the whole day I was alone for torturing amounts of time in a row. I never asked for help or anything bc i didnt want to Burden my parents.

But I always held on to this idea that we where close growing up as a comfort. That its just the psychosis but hearing this broke my heart. It makes me feel like i did so much for him and he never gave a fuck about me. That comebined with the neglect from parents makes me just feel so alone. I always protected him, always made sure he had shit hé needed always was there for him and hé never even thanked me for it, wich I could handle but now saying he never felt connected to me just feel so wrong.

I’m so fucking hurt im ngl, i always tought we where best friends growing up.

I requested government support in the Netherlands since I got cfs 2 years ag, due to the Burden of living with untreated cptsd for years, on my nervous system. I wanted a year and a half into my ilness to do it and went trough all 7K of my savings.

At first they made it very hard for me and where being a pain, they made me re send documents over and over. Because small details where out of place, and i had to visit neighbourhood teams 2 times to get help on doing it right.

I had a phone call again yesterday saying I didn’t do it correctly again wich led into a emotional flashback, getting mad at how bad i always have been treated when in moments where I ask for help. How school always punished me for struggling and even ridiculing my struggles instead of helping me. ( a teacher saw i was sleeping in class again knowing that my schizofrenic brother was keeping me up late often, and decided to redicule me by playing a 5 min song about somoene “whining about being tired” infront of the whole class).

Yet, later I got another call that I was aproved and also even get money from the first admission.

This was bittersweet, i was mostly happy to not get rejected again in a time of need since it would retraumitise me and wish I never asked for help in the first place.

Now I can finally have a lot more stability, because i hated asking my parents to pay for therapy and groceries.

I can now start looking for a place, get more consistent therapy and don’t have to rush my recovery by finding a job while still being exhausted.

So overall positive experience that shifted my view a bit from, no one helps you when your down, too sometimes good things can still happen when in need.

Cheers,