u/Funny-Rutabaga-7344

Ok, so i'm hideous, no reason specifically like acne or or something I have control over, my face just looks bad (and my voice is even worse, like I might hate it even more than my face) and beauty is not everything but... Whatever it is don't have it, like I'm just not smart, or al least I'm very little smart like never enough my grades are just decent and that's it, and like it seems contradictory but it's not that I'm dumb it's that I'm autistic so i have learning disabilities so... That's it I'm never gonna be smart or going to be at the same level than my peers, my future it's just nothing, everyone just have to really try to be better than me, it's so easy for them, it's really demotivating and overall I'm so fucking boring, my jokes never land and I'm never as fun as other people, not even the ones that make fun of me and that's not a high bar, i'm not deep and I'm not funny, all i can do is maybe talk about some "nieche" interest and that's it like I have "friends" but none of them really likes me, i'm just really friends with one of them, who clearly is just my friend because of pity and the rest of the friend group just outright dislikes me, and that's for all of my friendships pretty much I'm always the lesser friend and my friends are so "nice" for tolerating me (even my parents are praised for "tolerating" me, like I'm inherently a burden, the issue is deep) some people would think that I'm not in that bad of a situation because I'm not alone but like... I am, no one can see me as a normal friend, I can't do friends and... Even when I find people like me (that are hard to find), it's still distant, I don't know why, they just don't like (makes sense though, I wouldn't like me either), and then I hate, I fucking hate everyone around me cause.... They're just better than me, everyone or they're smarter or they're prettier or they're more sociable or all of that at the same time, I feel so much fucking envy, all the time, am I a bad person? Am I capable of even not being alone? Can I love those around me knowing i'll never be appreciated? I don't know I hate that, I hate the envy, honestly i wish I could just have something, be funny be smart, be creative, not be so fucking ugly, but i have to keep living, and now what? What do I do? How do I live? I mean, know even people with all that live unhappy, so... What can I do? Any advice?

No soy mexicano pero quería ayuda con el tema del auto-odio, tengo una baja autoestima y creo que tengo algo de odio a mi mismo, he visto algunos post de auto-ayuda que dicen como aumentar la autoestima y quería saber como aumentar el auto-odio, como le hago para odiarme más a mi mismo.

PD: en otro subreddit me bajaron la publicación por "ideaciones suicidas/auto-lesión" no quiero morir ni quiero lastimarme físicamente, simplemente necesito esto para sobrellevar mi vida.

Osea la gente habla del tea como si fuera una especie de deficiencia cognitiva