u/FuttyBucky

Fall asleep, then awake to dream again.

Everchanging waves of illusion.

Dream to seek an escape.

Lost inside and slipping away.

Awaken to evil walls.

Nails bleed as I scratch.

Dream to break them down.

Exploding stars open the gates.

Awaken to face the demons, not fight them.

Mending a broken fate.

Dream. Not of who I am, but what I want to be.

Curiosity within halls of pain.

Awaken to manipulate the flames.

Will within newfound understanding.

Wake up into my life, my future.

And when I die, I hope I dream again.

For reference: I have a good amount of LSD experience, no synethesia or out of body/ego death experiences though. Hardest trip was 450ug with a pretty heavy tolerance which caused extreme drifting and stuff to turn 2d.

My only DMT experience goes as follows:

I came down from an acid trip and I felt good. The trip completely subsided and I planned to try a DMT vape specifically around that time as I'm already in "trip mode" so to speak. I didn't ask for the concentration, but it was 1 gram of oil. The acid dose was probably 200-300ug with a moderately high tolerance, so it wasn't as strong as it should have been. Before trying it, I felt almost completely normal after the acid trip.

Anyway, I laid on my side and gently puffed on my vape a couple times. Very gently, enough to give me a pretty strong body high but no visuals. I took a couple more gentle hits that were slightly larger, mainly terrified of burning it because I know that's very easy to do. And I waited about 5 seconds and took one more gentle hit.

I closed my eyes and decided to wait, and after 5-10 seconds, I got an incredibly intense feeling in my entire body. I can't describe it other than HOLY FUCK. And it made my eyes shoot open.

I saw a a weird spiral shockwave of distortion from the wall to where I was laying and I instinctively rolled onto my back while having thoughts like "idk if I really want this" and I instinctively tried to resist it. I am knowledgeable and did my research, so I knew I had to stop myself immediately.

I asked myself why I was afraid and then shortly after, the fear melted away. I rested my arm on my eyes and just let go. I didn't recall any physical feelings or thoughts at all by this point, and I ended up having a strong sense of euphoria as I started to see colorful rooms shooting back and forth extremely fast along with these oddly 2d box shaped entities dancing from left to right in my vision while holding hands. The rooms weren't highly detailed, but the edges of them were extremely colorful. The edges of the "entities" were also extremely vibrant. Everything in between the edges seemed to be dark so it was kind of like seeing nothing but the outlines. The entities had happy faces and kind of stick figure like arms and legs, so that's why I'm referring to them as entities.

I don't know what I was thinking in the moment, but it was insane to me. It wasn't long at all before it all broke apart and I came back, realizing that I was snoring slightly almost as if I was half asleep, but not fully.

I opened my eyes, sat up and closed my again eyes and I saw some red splotches but those quickly faded away.

The entire "trip" was maybe 40 seconds but I didn't time it, it just felt that way based on what I remembered immediately after. No obvious sense of time dilation or anything. My memory of the experience began to fade rather quickly and after some months, I can't really remember anything except some very vague visual fragments in my mind. I did write about it before, that's mainly why I remember it well enough to write again.

Is this a "threshold" dose? How does this compare to a full on trip? On any kind of scale, how much "more" is say, a 20mg trip (I know that's around breakthrough levels, so maybe compare it to a little less, I'm not the experienced one here.)

I definitely think I have some concerns with preflight anxiety given what happened, but I'm confident that if I get past the beginning, I'll be fine.

I'm very curious if I misinterpreted that insane physical sensation with fear, causing me to think I was panicking when I actually wasn't. This seems like it would explain why it so quickly and easily faded away as the trip actually began.

Thank you.

I want to make music. I want to reach the hearts of others as well as myself. One of my main inspirations is Nurko. His music makes me feel so deeply and he's so incredibly talented.

I've never had structure to my life despite that I'm 26. I'm lazy and I have some mental stuff too but that's not an excuse so I won't be going into that.

I listen to music deliberately EVERY TIME. I cry almost every time I hear certain songs. I know I am highly emotional and I want to also utilize this to create, too.

I want to do something good. Make others feel. Make myself feel, etc. It's not about money, or fans. I just want to create and inspire. I have many more reasons for why I need this dream to come true, but I would be explaining my life story.

However, I can't set goals and achieve them... I never could. I inconsistently take care of myself, cook, make responsible plans, etc. And when I do, they last 1 day.

I was thinking: create and learn music once a week, then twice a week, then 3 times, and so on.

It really hurts. I need this and I WILL have it. I just don't know when or how I'll figure this out. I've been thinking about creating music since 2021 and I've done a good bit of learning and experimenting, but I always slip away from it and it hurts.

I will take everything you say to heart and I will try to use it all to my advantage, to grow and leave this lazy version of me in the past.

Be honest, be open, don't sugar coat it. I'm so desperate to change this about myself and I'm not giving up. I just hope I can figure out a way to make the road ahead less bumpy.

I have recently gotten back into therapy (in a REAL attempt to improve this time) and I will bring this up ASAP.

Thank you for your time.

When I was very little, I would have night terrors or something that would only occur at my grandparents house. These night terrors were very, extremely real to me at the time. Before falling asleep, I would often feel very, very heavy and spacey. I would see faint mental images of impossibly large shapes of some kind and a sense of dread would fill me. It made it a struggle to fall asleep.

In the actual dream, I didn't have a body. Or at least I don't think I did. I felt completely paralyzed and heavy. I was in this extremely weird looking place filled with orange and yellow colors I couldn't understand. The environment was a blur.

However, the thing that was crystal clear to me is the grinder I was being lowered into. My vision warped and bent through gears and I found myself back above the grinder. I was lowered into it, over and over again. It's like my very awareness was being squished and expanded through this hellish machine, one gear at a time. It felt like it would never end each time mainly because there was no telling how many times it would repeat.

I tried to struggle and scream but I just couldn't. I remember it happening dozens of times in the most agonizing detail possible. 90% of that was my terror. It literally traumatized me for years afterward and I refused to sleep in the dark.

I would often wake up to my grandmother trying to gently comfort me. I often wondered why she never woke me up instead of just gently comforting me, and she told me that she tried to do that a few times before. I would react as if I were awake for a moment, then just continue to lay there, crying, often loudly enough to piss off my grandfather. 

I know this because sometimes I would suddenly wake up to him complaining about it from the their room, which was next to mine. I don't remember anything at all prior to waking up. Just the dozens of times I was ground up. I would be trembling so bad that I found it hard to breathe.

Once again, this only happened at my grandparents house. It would happen for multiple nights in a row during some visits. Eventually it stopped, but it was unlike anything I've ever experienced. The amount of terror I felt was infinite. I was completely consumed by it. Thinking about it still makes my heart race. I would lay there awake until I accidentally fell asleep because I was mortified of it happening again.

I also used to sleepwalk there, too. My grandma had to lead me back to bed when I tried leaving the house and I didn't remember any of it. I told her someone was telling me to follow them. They lived in the middle of nowhere. Other times, I would wake up in the middle of attempting to wake her to come comfort me. I did that often, but that never happened during those terrible nights.

That was around 20 years ago and I've never actually talked to anyone about it. I mainly just tried to distance myself from it but recently I noticed that feeling of heaviness and dread again after thinking about it in bed.