u/Future_Excuse_9064

For some brief context, I've (19F) been with my boyfriend (21M) for over a year now, and a lot has changed in the dynamics of our relationship. Here's the most cliche way to put the beginnings of our relationship: evil playboy meets unexperienced girl and becomes good guy. We were in an evil situationship for six months before we started dating, but that's a whole different story. Since he's met me, he has changed A LOT; he has graduated college (early), gotten a well-paying job in his field (100K+), and also been the most perfect boyfriend/best friend I could have ever asked for. I go to college in the city he lives and now works in. I feel like his life has been on an uptrend while mine feels like I have been spiraling continuously since I entered college. I am a pre-med student who just finished a rough second year in all aspects (school, family, friends, etc). I feel like my world is on fire and I have a lot of self esteem issues at the moment. I'm so neurotic compared to his pragmatic self. He's one of the only things in my life that has remained stable, and treats me like his world.

He always accommodates me in ways I have never been treated before. He drives over an hour to see me multiple times a week even though he works around 60-80 hrs/wk. He spoils me with very good and expensive dinners all the time. He always listens to my rambles and issues and provides amazing advice and comfort (he wasn't always this empathetic, but wow, he has learned a lot since I first met him). He knows all my love languages and surprises me all the time with handmade bouquets, gifting things I maybe mentioned that I liked once, or just being so attentive in-person, taking care of me whenever needed, making me food when I'm sick or pushing me to take care of my health. I'm going abroad for school this summer, and he even bought an overseas ticket to see me for my birthday. This all aside, he genuinely is my best friend.

I am SO not used to being on the receiving end of so much love and affection. For a while now, I have been wondering how I can be a better girlfriend to him because he does so much for me. As a person, he is pretty guarded around other people, but is very charismatic (very witty and evasive at times too lol). He was SUPER avoidant when I met him, but we have established a very secure relationship. He's insanely minimalistic and does not have any strong desires for anything at all. I know his preferences and accommodate him as much as I can, like always having his favorite soda with me, or being decisive about menial decisions after his long hours of work, but I really want to help him or do something nice for him. Are there any gestures that are appreciated by minimalistic men? He provides everything for me, but are there any suggestions on kind things I can do in return? Additionally, how do I avoid these preemptive feelings of possible dependency?

TL;DR: My (19F) boyfriend (21M) goes above and beyond for me. He is my best friend and is the most patient, attentive, and dependable person. He has the resources to spoil me and does so liberally, and I feel like I need to do more for him. How can I return the favor? Also, how can I avoid feeling too dependent on him?

In the past month or so, my boyfriend (21M) has made some subtle comments about my (19F) appearance.

For context, my ethnicity has allowed me to have thick-ish hair with my eyebrows, lashes, but also the rest of my body a bit. Not excessively, but enough to where it’s more than average. My hair is pin straight and not insanely thick too. I have also been on the thinner side all my life, and when I was younger I think I had a lot of hair on my body because of a lack of warmth lol.

He made this comment once that he wishes that I dressed up for him more. Because I’m in college, when I have gone to parties and such with my friends I try to match the vibe (but modestly still bc I just value that in a relationship) and put some basic going-out makeup on (I don’t typically put makeup on most days in general). He said he used to feel a certain way bc I would dress up going out but not as much when I am just hanging out with him or seeing him (not going on dates or anything). He told me he likes it a lot when I wear shorts/skirts, or tighter clothing sometimes. I tend to wear sweats often.

He also would hint at me getting hair removal procedures done before saying like “If you ever want to get like waxed or laxer removal I can get it for you.” Today he said something about shaving my arms for special occasions? I don’t really think people pay much attention to hair on arms. He also was telling me how “most men like when girls are hairless,” or something like that

I’ve always been a little plain in my makeup and also clothing choices, largely because I was a tomboy as a small child, and then also went to a private school where I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup or wear my own clothes. My wardrobe was just school uniform, workout clothes, and my mom’s hand-me-downs before I went to college because I played a lot of sports.

I’m a bit insecure about my wardrobe and also the fact I don’t really know how to do makeup well so I keep it light with mascara and concealer with maybe some lip product. I feel like my boyfriend is being a bit weird with the comments on how I should appear, and I feel weird about the hair thing too… Is he not happy with how I look? Is he embarrassed of how I look or something?

I’ve always taken pride in my bare face and simplicity in my style because I also don’t like showing my body too much because I don’t like that type of attention. Am I overreacting and thinking he’s overstepping or being weird about commenting on my appearance?