u/Future_Penalty_3865

31F. Muslim Revert. Married. No kids.

Gosh! This is such a spiral! This app literally makes you feel that there's no goodness in this world at all. That all men are cheaters and all women are lesbians... 🤦🏻‍♀️

Really... Do we really have so much filth in the world these days? Until the last year, I didn't even know that this app existed and boom! This is like a parallel underground world, where people wear off their masks and become who they really are, contrastingly opposite from what they show they are.

Mental health issues are really on a rise. Never knew that shayateen had made zina so accessible in every way...

May Allah keep us all on the right path, Aameen.

I'm a muslim revert (31F) and my husband is (32M).

Been married for 9 years. No kids. We live with his parents and I love them, Alhamdulillah.

Last year, I learnt that he was into the consumption of adult content online and wished to divorce me because he realised that he was an addict, wanted to improve and didn't want me to struggle with him. However, I could never get myself to leave him despite everything. I just can't. I can't even bear the thought of living without him.

To be fair and honest, he's a good man. He never wanted me to suffer with him. I'm dead sure that it took him a lot of courage to confess all of this to me. Even after he told me that he wanted to divorce me, he took good care of me, took me out, provided for me, consoled me.... He has always tried to make sure that I get all the conveniences everytime. He's been with me through every thick and thin, from the time I had no one to talk to, after becoming Muslim to the present day. (I became Muslim before I got to know him, out of my own conviction).

However, since last year, I've been through anxiety attacks, nightmares, breakdowns, therapy, a lot of research online on addiction, emotional numbness, loss of appetite and focus, brain fog and a lot more.

However, NOW, he feels that he wants to take concrete steps to bring about good changes in his life and mine.

I wish to help him, I wish to be patient and supportive because I really really love him a lot. However, there are times throughout the day, every day, when some bad thoughts just come hurling like shooting stars, in my mind. Trust me, I never want to entertain them. It puts me in a state of panic and I find it so hard to breathe. I end up breaking down and shivering. I hate my husband to see me like this. I just don't know how to put an end to these anxiety attacks.

I started therapy again yesterday with a new person, she asked me everything from the beginning and repeating everything was upsetting.. but I had to do it. I really wish this survival mode thing and this anxious nervous system issue to end. I've tried anti depressants as well, but they end up doing more harm than gain. So, I've stopped.

Note : I don't entertain DMs from brothers. Kindly drop comments.

I would love to talk to sisters. Only sisters may DM.