I've been having some really bad and suicidal thoughts recently, that "usual" feeling of "nothing is gonna get better and I'm a waste of time and space."
And although I love this group and the comforting feeling of "thank fuck I'm not the only one going through those things!" at the same time, seeing all those posts and comments that read exactly like my own words are making me feel like my bad thoughts are real and that things truly are never going to get better so I should just off myself.
I don't want to think like that, I have a family and a few pets that I know would be devastated by my death but I also hate the idea of "prolonging my stay in this world."
Can anyone who has ever felt like this, no matter what age or how long it took, just please tell me that it does get better?
Also quick vent about my situation: I'm 23, turning 24 in a few days. I live with my parents and older sister, I only have a single online friend who's known me since I was 8.
I've only worked as a nanny and I spend my days playing videogames or crafting, I have no hopes or plans for work, friends or marriage.
I haven't gone through the whole process of getting an autism diagnosis yet but I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I don't want my parents to go bankrupt to get me an official diagnosis.
I do most of the house work but still I feel guilty for not doing more and "paying my parents back" by being a independent and successful daughter like my sister. I know they love me and my mom literally BEGS me to keep living but I've been struggling since I was 9y and I don't want to burden her anymore by prolonging my inevitable failure. To quote my sister "mom and dad are going to get old, die, and you'll end up homeless and killing yourself right after."