Medical student from KL here, thinking about doing HO in Sabah. I don't mind being away from family and friends plus I want to experience a new environment. I also think it would be easier for me to get since less people will be applying. What are your experiences/advice?
23F and very developmentally behind everybody. Being an adult is so overwhelming, and I haven't even started work yet (still studying).
I'm also in a degree programme that I hate so studying is another mental workload on me. I don't know how I'm going to start working after graduation. My classmates are all so motivated and excited while I'm just dreading my future.
Appearance-wise, I am just now realising how much effort it takes to look nice as a girl. I've just started learning lip products, and everybody else is already doing full faces and hair blowouts. It also doesn't help my self-esteem that i sometimes have eczema flares on my face; on those days I look like a lizard-human hybrid.
In terms of identity and languages, I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. Rn I'm a half-banana who mixes around with a lot of malay and indian friends. I feel like an imposter around chinese people bcz of different humour and my subpar mandarin levels. I'm fluent in malay but I'm struggling w picking up tamil and i feel so behind compared to my indian friends (I know enough to order food but not to function in daily conversation). I'm also working on picking up my parents' dialects (hakka and foochow) but I sound like a bloody foreigner when I try.
Plus, since I'm 23, everyone my age is already thinking of marriage and kids and have their own projected timelines. I don't think I'm mature enough for all that yet but the fact that I don't have a proper life plan is starting to freak me out. I wouldn't mind being childfree and single for the rest of my life but I'm worried because I haven't really decided yet while others are chasing their future family goals (e.g. saving money for marriage/house/car).
All in all, I feel like a child stuck in an adult's body and forced to watch others grow up around me. I can't help feeling so behind in terms of future goals, appearance, and even self-identification. I'm usually an outgoing person but this whole shtick is getting to me that I just want to stay in bed and not show everyone what a failure I am.