Feel like it would be easier to be straight sometimes?
I’m a 17M in school and I just had my first day back of senior year. I’m not out to anyone in my life but my friends and brothers suspect that I am. Last year I realized I was gay, but I’m not attracted to many guys tbh (like 1-2 people at a school of 800). But there was a guy last year who thought I wasn’t friends with or talked to really I think I have a “crush” on. I say I think because sometimes I feel really attracted to him(for example I was kinda excited to go back just to see him, and I hoped I had classes with him). While others times I feel like I don’t know why I’m attracted to him but part of me still is. I don’t know if he’s even gay but to me he has a kinda vibe that makes me think he is(hangs out with mainly girls, often makes hand gestures, and has I high pitched voice). I have like 3 classes with him and in one of them we could pick seats and so I chose to sit next to him. I tried to make small talk but I was kinda awkward. And so when the class ended I started thinking about how much I wished I wasn’t gay and could just like girls. I think they look pretty I’m just not attracted to them. I just feel like my life would be so much easier if I could just force myself to like girls, but I really just can’t even when I try and part of me doesn’t even want to try while part of me does. I often think I’m probably gonna end up by myself because: 1. I’m not attracted to 99% of guys I see, and 2. I’m not out and if I was to my parents would be pretty disappointed. Is this common for people in the LGBTQ+ community to feel this way?