r/GayMen

I really wish I had a vagina. I can’t stop thinking about it. I get so insecure about the fact that I don’t have one. I just feel like it would make sex a lot more better and pleasurable. I’d have a hole that’s actually meant to be fucked in. I can’t stand the thought of having to use my fucking asshole and having to go through the exhausting process of cleaning just to get fucked. I’m sorry but my life just sucks right now. Constantly having low self esteem and feeling undesirable. I wish this feeling would go away

Edit: Don’t worry, it’s nothing illegal.

So I (26m) in college frequented online chat sites. The ones where two people chat or jerk off together. There, I discovered penis humiliation and cuckolding. It felt great to be able to embrace being on the small side for once. It’s worth noting that I have a small penis but prefer to top. However, it slowly became basically the only thing that gets me off.

Two years ago, I met my current boyfriend. He (25m) is the love of my life, and our relationship is incredibly healthy. He is a full bottom, hot as fuck, and I do feel like I satisfy him. However, I find myself fantasizing about cuckolding and humiliation almost every time we’re intimate. He knows I enjoy cuckolding, and we have nearly experimented with inviting another top while I watch. We just haven’t found anyone that we both found attractive yet. So, I haven’t really been able to satisfy my urges much. Plus, there is not much gay porn featuring cuckolding.
The main caveat is that I haven’t told him I enjoy it. Even with cucking, I presented it more as being into a threesome than enjoying the humiliation aspect of it. He is open to exploring, but I feel that admitting I enjoy humiliation as a top would be too much. I can’t help feeling that my fetish diminishes our intimacy, and it feels dishonest or at least limiting. If I came out about enjoying humiliation, I fear that it would change our dynamic.

Bottoms, would this be an instant turn off for you? I’m wondering if other Redditors have experience overcoming a fetish as well as what others’ opinions are.

I'm gay and I live in a community where almost everyone around me is straight.

I've noticed a pattern over the years. I'll become friends with a guy, we'll get along well, joke around, hang out, and things feel completely normal. Then, at some point, I tell him I'm gay.

After that, something changes.

It's not that anyone says anything openly homophobic. Instead, they become more distant. They stop opening up to me, stop inviting me to things as often, and it feels like I'm no longer "one of the guys." The friendship doesn't usually end overnight—it just slowly fades.

The weird part is that I'm still the exact same person. Nothing about our friendship changes except that they now know one more fact about me.

At the same time, I also find it difficult to build close friendships with women because I'm still a guy, and a lot of them understandably have boundaries around male friendships.

Sometimes it feels like I'm stuck in this weird middle ground where I don't fully fit into either group.

I'm not looking for pity. I just want to know if anyone else—especially other gay men—has experienced this. Is this a common experience, or have I just been unlucky with the people I've met?

Me and this guy have built a relationship over the past year and a half. He’s 19, I’m 26. We are Fwb and our relationship and feelings towards each other have grown strong. He is openly gay, I’m bi and fully closeted. My family is not accepting of that kind of stuff, that’s why I’m still closeted.

He’s about to leave in three weeks to go to college about eight hours away. Yesterday he told me he thinks we should move on from each other so he can pursue a relationship with someone closer to him at college when he goes.

We have feelings for each other and I’m afraid of losing him since he’s a great guy. I have a steady job at a family business here, but have been considering going back to school as I am not fully content.

I could look into going somewhere close to him? I’m looking for advice and help on what to do and how to get through or move on from this? Should I come out of the closet?

I'm 33M indian dude.. 2 weeks ago I matched with this latino guy 27M on tinder.. (exactly a week later from my birthday)we decided to meet the same Saturday (day before Father's day) we matched. He's tall, slim and has a great apartment and tech job at American express, drove tesla. He was also a top with a good junk. I'm a vers who's wanting to find a partner whom I can bottom for. I'm def more muscly than him, but shorter... i have a decent career as well..but he was such a complete package that it didn't matter to me that he wasn't as muscly as my usual type.

We were hooking up at his apartment but they he wanted to take me to his bed .. and i told him no.. we are supposed to be on a date.

So we dressed up and we went to bars that night.. made out, hooked up late. I got lost in club and i thought he went away with another guy.. but instead he was outside waiting for me. I went back home. He kept being very romantic and even asked us to ask chatgpt for red flags. We actually admired each others red flags.. coz that's what we wanted..someone who's ambitious, great career and well off. He was being very lovey dovey, even have me his number.. and wrote.. I'm xxx, your bf..Which was pretty cute. I never makeout or hookup in public but I was doing it that night with him..

Sunday..again we met 2nd time and made out

Monday again we met for a dinner date 3rd time, we hooked up. I even asked him to get a broom which he did and got his apartment clean.

Tbh it felt like he had money but no class.. like he would eat out everyday and buy shit he would not need..I was trying to help him get some direction and make right choices coz I was older than him.

Now I was hooked to him...I started to fall and I thought he was too.

Few days passed.. we met now a week from first we met on Sunday.. this is 4th time us meeting..he told me had plans on Friday and Saturday so he couldn't. He was not very responsive anymore.. very rarely would reply to me.

We were texting and I told him.. how do u expect us to date if you don't want to meet or even initiate conversations.. if you don't want to continue let me know now. He said no I want to, that's why I'm wanting to grab dinner with you.

But this was a sad sad sad date for me.. he was pretty casual with it.. he told me had hooked with his friend who was leaving the town.. later he told me he had known this 37yo white guy for 2 months.. and he slept in his bed on Saturday night..I was really started to get sad now. Then he mentions there's another guy he had dated known who he is just friends with now and has boundaries with.

He also opened about this Pakistani guy he had been seeing for 6 months and broke up 2 months ago.. he was very depressed coz the guy was closeted and didn't take the relationship further.

Hearing all this..I could just sense my dream crushing.. my heart sad breaking every second. The prince treatment I was enjoying was getting over. I opened upto him that night.. and told him I really appreciate you being honest but this is breaking my heart. He said " I'm being honest with you though. This friend of mine is leaving.. but the sex is so good. He gives it to me anytime I want. The other guy I'm now friends with is a slut I don't really like that.. that's why we broke up."

He had even done drugs with this guy and hooked up with him.. (I never do any of this.. but even smoke weed.. i can barely handle alcohol)

It was all sounding like a nightmare to me. He kept saying to me at first when we met that he didn't like sluts, jobless losers and here he was fucking one last night.

But i was like why didn't you hit me up.. you could have dropped your friend home and hmu instead..I haven't slept in your bed.. and instead you had another guy spend all night with you? You keep saying you don't like loses and want someone with a career and success like me.. but instead you go out and fuck them? How does that make any sense?

He said my ex came in front of me and made out with this guy.. he's so cheap. I told him .. maybe he was trying to get your attention.. he got so excited listening to that.

I told him.. you're not ready to date . I cannot be one of the options.. you cannot have everyone.. I'll leave now if you don't want me around. But don't play with my feelings like this.

He told me he was going to go to beach with his ex who's now his friend and I was shocked..I was like why are you not wanting to hangout with me instead.. he kept giving awkward silences.

We later that night went for a walk.. he understood my feelings and dropped me off. I told him he has to make a choice, I'm trying to pull you out of this life.. but u keep going back.. let me help you, please. I really want this to work. I told him I need to meet you tomorrow and we need to hookup. He told me he wants to use him, make him pay for shit and just his bottom..

I thought things had changed but they were now even worse.

This is the last time I met him on Monday. His work ends up being pretty late..im waiting in bed.. guess what? He cannot perform, is not able to get hard.. the entire attitude has shifted. He kept setting oh I only like one position when he had fucked me in another position. Like he read trying to say or do things to just make me not like him..It wasn't romantic anymore. I have an interview tomorrow morning still I'm hanging out with him and having dinner..I went back home 1am.. the good bye was him trying to kiss my cheek until I moved it to my lips.

I watched him leave as I dropped him off from my car... and if I tell..I cried the entire drive home.. like I was balling...I know this was just the last time I'd see him. My heart was so broken.

I know this sounds like normal to most of you. But I have really never dated anyone like him. I'm a good looking guy, but the treatment he gave me in the beginning just made me so happy. His willingness to listen to me. But the more i thought about this..I realized he was just looking to use me to get over his ex, he knew I was falling for him especially him being so romantic in the beginning which he didn't have to, he was playing with me.

I counted everyday every minute since I sent him the last text on Tuesday this week.. every day hoping he'd reply back.. he just didn't. I cried so much..hoping God would listen to me but he just didn't. I deleted his number and told myself that if he wants me, he will message me and reach out.

Here I was thanking God that he had given me a bday gift but now it felt like a curse. Why would this guy do this to me? Why play with someone's feelings? Just keep it real.

I didn't even jo for a week since my last message to him. I just don't know how someone can be like that. He has broken me..I just don't know what to do..I keep crying. Nothing feels the same. I feel so used and just so cheap.

I just don't know what did I do to make him go away..I was just wanting to love him and protect him.. but he just wanted the exes, his past.. I'm just so sad and I'm crying..2 weeks ago same night today we were kissing and happy.. tonight I'm crying and sad but he's out there probably with one of his exes or friends...

I have no friends, no family in this new city, he knew what would this do to me.. how difficult it has been for me to deal with all this alone.

I just I'm so stupid for falling for his tricks..I just feel so stupid, dumb, sad and cheap. I don't know how to forget him.. and all those dates with him.. he just used me, he has just so casually thrown me out of his life. It just hurts so much. I'm crying everyday..a grown man just balling like crazy. Idk why hasn't he even messaged me.. it's been a week.

I'm a guy in college and I have a crush on my best friend who is also a guy. Nobody knows this except me and whoever reads this. He is very touchy with me when we're in private and I'm not sure if he means something more by it or if he is just like that because he sees me as a good friend. I always assumed he was straight and would never like me back.

For example (we are in a 2 person dorm for college), he sometimes likes to watch a movie with me and we'll be on the sofa and he will pull a blanket over us. Ok, fine. But then he starts to lean his head on my shoulder/chest and put his hands on chest. He likes it when I put my arm around his shoulders and rest my chin on his head. Don't get me wrong, I love it when we do this but I'm just confused. He sort of makes a soft "purring" sound as well when we snuggle up together.

Is this guy gay or what I'm so confused!?

UPDATE AFTER TELLING HIM HOW I FEEL:

When he came back to the dorm this evening, I asked him if he wanted to snuggle up on the sofa and watch a movie. He said yes so we were doing what we normally do. I was fucking shaking trying to work up the courage to tell him lol I'm so useless. So anyway, like halfway through the movie I finally did it.

Me: "His name?"

Him: "Yeah?"

Me: I just wanted to know why you like snuggling with me so much?

Him: What do you mean?

NOW IT'S GONNA SEEM LIKE I'M MAKING THIS NEXT PART UP BUT I'M NOT I SWEAR THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED 😭

Me: Well I just meant that you seem to.....

Him: KISSES ME ON THE LIPS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK???!?!?!?? LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A ROMANCE MOVIE HE JUST INTERRUPTED ME MID-SENTENCE AND KISSED ME!! So anyway we're full on making out now and I'm loving it

Me: Wow (I was so fucking blown away that I didn't know what the hell to say so I just said wow for some reason??)

And anyway, we had a whole conversation after that, turns out he has liked me for a few months and was really happy that I liked him as well!

Thank you to the people that replied with helpful advice but now I'm gonna go kiss my boyfriend! Good night y'all!

After Covid I lost social skills. I'm gay, 25 years old and good looking guy. I like men in their 30s. How can I tell if they're interested? I've noticed that almost no one gives me a sign.

I find them attractive. I don't like the way I look. I am trying to lose weight so I can have a small body fat percentage. Is it OK for me to hate how I look until I am able to be thin?

I don't think my inner feelings can fit inside a diary anymore. As long as I am still breathing, that's how long this secret will keep flowing in my blood. This feeling is deeply unappreciated in my community. I feel like a moving black dot on a white piece of paper.

​Liking the same gender is forbidden in my country, let alone in my highly religious family. Some things happened to me in the past that made me attracted to men. But with the pressure from my surroundings, it has kept me silent.

​Until I started putting myself out there anonymously on social media. It felt like my feelings were craving validation from anyone to proof that what I’ve been bottling up is real. I tried posting words, but not many people were interested in those posts. After some time, I tried posting my body, and the engagement skyrocketed. I'm truly shocked!

​I always remind myself that the virtual world is just for satisfying lust, so I shouldn't get too carried away or fooled when someone shows affection. So I've kept myself anonymous until today. But I'm really picky with my list of people I choose to connect with.

​One of the traits I put on my list is Arab. I really see Arab men as highly masculine. Especially the hairy ones, lol. I'm an Asian petite btw, So I did a lot of things to attract Arab guys. But sadly, until now, most of the Arabs I've met are people who I can feel are more about satisfying their lust. Even sometimes asking me to be girly.

​I'm not trying to judge; maybe it's because of their community or whatever reason that makes arab that way idk. So I still haven't found someone I can truly, openly be myself with and have a real connection or something. Because of that, I already set it in my mind that I wouldn't cross the red line between love and lust. UNTIL...

​One day, an Arab guy who used to live in my country and understands my culture reached out. I could even feel the spark between us. He texted me almost everyday. Many times I thought, maybe he's just playing the long game to get me... until one night, after almost a week of not texting me, he suddenly sent something that made me feel heard and seen.

​He was jealous of me because he noticed I'd been sleeping late and keeping texting someone, even though we aren't officially in love. We once talked about what we want in life, maybe planning to meet face-to-face one day. He gave me some advice that is still ringing in my head to this day. After all this time, I finally found someone who is my type.

​But I am terrified to confront him because my community won't accept this kind of relationship. I don't want to give him false hope when, in the end, I can't commit. He even offered to come visit me because he likes to travel to Asia (and he already booked a ticket 🥺).

​What do I do guys... I need your advice😭😭

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective on a situation.

I’ve been talking to this guy, and initially, he told me he wasn't seeing anyone. I really liked him, but I was open to whatever happened, whether it was casual dates or something more.

Turns out he is seeing someone else. When I confronted him, he said he did not say anything because he wasn't sure about his situation with the other guy. He claims it probably won't work out anyway because the other dude is deeply in the closet and he is not down for that.

Honestly, their situation is none of my business. I told him he should have been honest from the start. I made it clear that while he can text me as a friend, we are definitely not seeing each other as anything more. If he is allowed to be confused, I have every right to go out, see other people, and live my life.

I am not going to block him because blocking feels like unnecessary drama and too much effort. I am just moving on. I am not waiting around for him to make up his mind.

I feel good about standing my ground, but it sucks because I feel like I am always tolerating this kind of behavior from guys.

Did I handle this the right way by keeping it low-drama, or should I just cut him off completely?

So I‘m vers but I have the impression that I will never be able to bottom for someone bc people say I will only attract bottoms.

I’m rather masc in the everyday life, and I only have been in the role of the « dominant top » when I had sex. I’m quite tall (6’1’’), and I have a 8.2 inches dick, but I’m more like a twink, I’m not really muscular or anything.

Will I always be the top because of my body features and because of the way people perceive me?

I enjoy topping but I would really like to bottom. Am I appealing to tops ?

I am a moroccan, in my twenties living in France. For many years, I kept my identity hidden because of the culture I grew up with. I always tried to suppress this essential part of me, ignore it, feeling ashamed of it .. but it always came back stronger.

One day, since my needs for intimacy kept growing faster and bigger, I understood that I should be accepting of that side of me and live with its flow. My close surroundings do not know about it, and i don’t feel the courage to tell them, maybe not yet. And to get closer to these feelings, I decided to have a first direct experience. Tried some apps, but never had the nerves to meet anyone, only chatting. So the next option i could visualize was the gay sauna. I remember feeling so intimidated by the idea, anxious and not sure about this decision. But I just said screw it let’s go. Before going I’ve read ofc many posts about health concerns, advices for newbies, etc .. i am not into anal so that seems safe according to the sources I’ve seen. Then, last Saturday, i took my courage and went to the local gay sauna. I won’t lie, i hesitated a lot before going in, but i still said to myself let’s at least talk to the staff. They were super friendly, explained everything I needed to know, and I paid the entrance. It was my first time (since many years in a “public” nordic sauna) seeing all those naked men all around with no complex or shame (it was a nudist night). And the funny thing is, I surprisingly was not as intimidated as expected. I calmly took off my clothes, had my small towel with me, and got in to explore the place. I felt so satisfyingly liberated. For the first time in my life, I felt so connected to my body, within a community that accepts me as I am, and where I can have the fun we are all looking for and explore our desires.

And I was also shocked of how I quickly blended in, compared to the stress i had before. I did hold and suck a dick for the first time of my life in a GH, had the very first gay fun experience with a guy, with who i explored some of my deepest desires and had the idea of what it looks like in real life. And since that was a Saturday night, I had more fun than I thought. It felt like I have taken away a weight from my shoulders, and I stayed for 2h there. I also took my time to relax, enjoy the sauna, jacuzzi, and all the cozy stuff. Mind you it was an amazing experience, and the sexual fantasy did not come as high as I thought it to be, but still great and worth trying for me.

By the end of it, I walked out, satisfied and proud of myself for trying it without needing anyone to personally guide me there. And as you can guess, i planned to come back, and checked here in Reddit how often do guys go, which for people my age is almost twice a week, and it seems very reasonable. Also I want to precise that I did not make this interfere with my responsibilities, since I want to keep the balance in the other aspects of my life. Then few days later, i went a tuesday at 10:30 pm, and the place was closing at midnight. I was a bit disappointed since it was mainly old men who were not my type, besides one by the end who approached me and gave me interest hints, but I had to leave a bit earlier to catch my transport home so i resisted starting anything with him. Still it was a relaxed and calm night, even thought free from a fun experience. And since i had 2 days later a week travel where I was going to be busy, i decided to give it a try again the next day, and God that was a pleasant one, better than the first time, and sooooo relaxing again. Anyway, when rethinking those experiences, it was not only about a sexual activity, but the feeling of belonging, peace and acceptance that was widely present, and i did not feel lonely at all.

The post was made to share this experience and talk it out. If you have any advices you see could be useful for an amateur like me, i would be glad to read them :)

I remember the second time I got fucked. I didn't think this was a turn on, but it became one.

I remember he had some facial stubble, which was not a turn off. To be honest I was really young and didn't really thing about it.

We were making out, he fingered me and he tongued my ass. I was really hyper attune to what was happening because this was only my second time, but I was really excited.

So he kisses me deeply and I was so lightheaded...then he takes me from behind, and I can the head of his cock against my hole. I bear down and it slowly goes in.

But this is where I get a turn on I didn't expect. As he starts to enter me, he lies down on my back. He starts to kiss my back, neck, the side of my face.

I can feel his stubble, I dont know what it is but it felt good. His big hands on my hips pumping me.

Now any guy who I make out with with stubble, they kiss me, my neck, my back...it makes me crazy.

Another one was sucking a guy off wearing a jock, but I will talk about that later.

What was an unexpected turn on for you?

Im a gay guy and honestly I struggle a lot with my body image, especially with summer in full swing. 

All the guys with rock hard abs, muscles the size of watermelons, its just made a lot of my insecurities worse. 

But the crazy thing is, I know I’m actually quite cute. Im in my 20s, I have really nice curls, thick lashes, dark goatee, red lips, I’m from Ireland so I have those kind of Irish monolids that make my eyes kind of faintly almond shaped. I have a thicc butt and I’m really into history, I love swimming, running, love dancing, I love just hopping on the train and going somewhere new. But despite this I feel so disgusted with myself because after nearly 2 years of the gym and ups and downs, I still have this protruding gut and slightly puffy chest. Like I’m about to go to Spain for a solo holiday and I’m nearly dreading it because as soon as im in a gay nightclub its me surrounded by 200 twig spanish guys with abs and huge biceps and low slinky outfits and I just have this bulging stomach. Im not overweight, im just pudgy with a muffin top, yet in the gay world its comparable to feeling like a whale. 

If any of you guys have seen the substance, in a way, I honestly really kinda connect with the movie because you have this woman who, yeah shes middle aged and an older woman, but by all accounts isnt bad looking, yet her self loathing utterly consumes her in a world that prioritises an extremely narrow idea of perfection. 

I also want to say that I’m completely aware that this may come off as privileged, as I’m in a much better position than other people in regards to my weight, my looks etc. I’m very grateful to be able to run, skip, jump, laugh, to not be in a hospital bed or be suffering from drug addiction, but I just can’t help but feel like I’m not good enough. 

Also the fact that generally gay nightclubs are filled with the creme de la creme of whippet thin snatched guys because of fishbowl theory / petrol station theory on how its a self fulfilling prophecy that a space that has a certain clientele will attract likewise clientele while those that arent generally stay away. 

There is no real purpose to this post, I just wanted to get this off my chest and if anyone else is experiencing anything similar 

I think girls are perfect, their bodies are perfect and they have nice hair and faces, but even the thought of being intimate with one is soo disgusting to me. I watch my girl friends talk about how much they hate the way they look and how “fat” they are or whatever and all i can think is youre perfect girl! Not in. the way theyre perfect to sex, but just perfect beings. And theyre always funnier than men

Edit: Also I spend my free time drawing and whenever im bored my go to is to dtaw a majectic woman. People have said how to them it comes off explicit or sexy to them but thats never been my objective when making such pieces. If i want to self indulge ill happily draw a man, but theres something so interesting and elegant about women

Recently my boyfriend has been wanting to start a harem, and add concubines to our house. Ive had so many issues with threesomes in the past, that I no longer want to do any threesomes, and an orgy is completely off the table. Plus im perfectly fine with just having one intimate relationship with someone. He wants to add concubines because I get fissure everytime we fuck, and i normally can't make him cum because I tap out from the pain. Hes wanting to fuck all day everyday, but i feel like i cant fulfill that, and hes told me that i cant fulfill that. I was wondering how you guys able to take so much dick for so long. Im pretty tight, and I have a bad habit of tighten up whenever he pulls out (making the pain worse), so i feel like thats the issue. Ive already asked a few others. They recommended different lubes, and just relaxing. However I feel like i can't relax. Whenever we have sex I have to be super high, and do a lot of poppers, and even then I still feel like im too tight. Any tips?

I just recently turned 18 and I'm starting to feel more and selfconsious about my body hair, specificly leg/ass hair. I prefer to bottom and I feel like the body hair is a turn off for a lot of people of my age. How true is this? Is it okay if I don't do anything with it or should I trim it to a tidy looking length or even go completely bald?