Me (M22) and My girl (F21) had an arguement and she hates the tone of my voice.
M22, My girl F21 and I argued last night because my tone of voice somehow changed after she told me about a conversation she had with her friend. Her friend asked what I am to her, and she responded with, “Oh, he just has a crush on me.” She immediately noticed that my tone became more serious and asked me what was wrong, but I told her it was nothing.
We continued watching a movie, but while watching, I could feel myself starting to overthink. I waited until the movie ended before bringing it up. When we were already lying down, I eventually asked her, “If someone asks you what we are, what would you say?” I asked that because I have trauma from a past relationship where I felt hidden and wasn’t acknowledged.
Instead of getting comforted, we ended up arguing. The biggest issue became my tone of voice. Sometimes my tone changes without me realizing it, even when I’m not angry or upset. She says I sound irritated, but on my end, that’s just how I answer sometimes. I’m not shouting or trying to sound mad, but I understand why it comes across that way to her.
This isn’t the first time it’s happened either, and honestly, it’s frustrating because I keep trying to work on it, but it still happens. She told me that if it happens again, she might leave.
I also understand why it affects her so much. Her ex used to shout at her and make her feel like she was always doing something wrong, so she’s very sensitive when someone’s tone suddenly changes. Even if I’m not angry, I think hearing that kind of tone brings back those feelings for her, and I understand why that would hurt.
I already apologized to her, and she said, “I acknowledge it.” After that, she told me, “I’ll give you the whole night to reflect on what you did.” I’ve been thinking about it since then, but honestly, I’m still struggling to figure out how to completely fix something that I don’t always notice in the moment.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. I’m genuinely trying to keep my composure and be careful with how I speak, but somehow it still ends up happening. It’s hard because I don’t want to hurt her, especially over something I’m not even intending to do.