u/GeezYourSecretKeeper

I guess i’m tired chasing
S mga parinigan ng post
I’m tired not being talked to
Tired of being made to keep guessing
Tired of excuses and avoidance
Tired of me being made to not enough to choose the things that actually makes relationships work

No matter what you say
I chose you everyday
Even in my worst days
Even the times you left when i needed you
Even the times when i did my best when you needed me
Even the times when you’re not choosing the things that does matter more
Even the times when you’re not choosing me
Even the times when i am recovering and making the future for us possible
Even on the hard talks you chose not to talk about
Have you chosen me?
Have you kept choosing me?
Or have you chosen me when its convenient.

Am i not useful now?

I was sick damnit
I was suffering too.
That’s last year
And its this year too
But why would i keep on losing you and you leaving me when things gets hard

Your posts, they’re becoming just excuses

You thought did this not work because i did not maintained you?
You made it not work because you kept on giving up on talking
What could have hapened if we kept on understanding and saying instead of posting s social media?
Why have you let it consume you
You onsidedly decided and done things to prove your asumption was right instead of making it work

You want to be chased?
Damn it, i wanted it to work.
Have you asked, if you really did want it to work, or do you just want the gratification and satisfaction of being chased?

So you’re saying you gave up and left because you think i suddenly don’t have time, instead of learning, understanding, and talking why?

You had time to post things, and magparinig,
But you don’t have time to say it to the person and talk it out.
You are only thinking of your perspective, is it the only thing important?

Get back to the times when i have no more time…
Get back to the times when you chose to leave me because i suddenly have not enough time to show up…
What were the reasons?
Sick? Recovering? Whole family sick? Loans for rebuilding? And even prioritized your needs and even wants at times.

Were you there on the hard times? Was i not there for you for the hard times? I even take the burdens whenever i could. Nagreklamo b ako? I only communicated, and tried to make you understand things. But you speak of “suddenly doesn’t have time” as if those things were not being done for you.
Preparation for things you want, recovering for things that i had sacrifice to help you or even things you wish. Even if as a guy, i feel some of those were unwise.

You want all the time
But do you give the same?

Or only when its convenient?
Or when you want something.

Its easy to say the things you say
Try to be the man who deals with you and put yourself in their shoes

Tell me
Was i selfish or selfless

Or are you saying am too poor for you so you left me

If thats what it is
I’ll grow on my own

For whenever things get hard, whenever am sick, and my family was sick, i noticed, you pull away and leave. As if i has no more use.

Do you know why

Do you know why i got some insecurities

Why i dont feel sometimes in our relationship

The past actions you have done behind my back, that wasn’t acknowledged, and apologized for. They were given to me as just information. And i cant assume that sorry and that they wont happen again.

Because i assume the best and the right things before to be done, but then those things happened. So i cant assume you would do or wont do something without the words of what you would wish to commit, apologize for, and wont do again.

Was that hard?

You dont know this, but every time i see certain subreddits that you posted yourself before, my pain triggers. And it keep going on, because i know, you have’t erased them.

So much more pain comes when you reposted.

I hope you know why.

Because it attracts attention, and people, the wrong way.

And that on one of those before, it festered in the cracks of our relationship. On the first time when we aren’t together. And the second time when we first had issues and breaking up.

Your post there tells me you’re opening yourself up for someone better, or something. Thats what happened before.

I’ve thought we are on a new beginning.

I’ve thought things that have affected us before should be shunned.

I thought you would do that without needing the talk.

But you are avoidance made it hard to talk about these important stuff.

And avoiding tells me, this, we, aren’t important enough to mend. Or do the right thing. Or i am not worth for the right thing, when i did my outmost for the right things.

You want this to never fester?

What happened in the past and actions doesn’t go away

But it can be covered with a clean sheet of genuine love and wanting to change,

The word sorry, goes a long way, sorry on the specific things done that did hurt me, and wanting to know what are them, and saying and showing that it won’t happen again. Or that you’d do your best. That you would never want to hurt me again.

The acknowledgment of what happened. Is the acknowledgment of your perseverance to not do them again.

But with your avoidant nature, we haven’t got to it.

Even how many times i hint, and said directly. All i need was sorry, and promise. Assurance.

But even now, i kept waiting, with no avail.

If you don’t want to mend it, pla dont prolong it.

If you dont want me, then dont find the right time to end this.

Txt. Call. Chat. Just end it.

But if you want me in your life… pla understand what love is.