u/GeminiMama20245

Allllright well, here I am 39F mother of two happily married stay at home mom. Grew up in customs my whole life. Mother is a Mexican and American broker. And my dad had a giant logistics company.

Long story short. I took my exam while in college and passed! I was 19. Graduated at 23 and went to work at my parents firm and started a small brokerage in house. I learned basic things but I was so young. I recall doing entries, having 1 employee and getting the company CTPAT certified. But I was so privileged, I got all my clients straight from my parents forwarding company.

Things however, quickly got dicey, I wasn’t allowed to do much, learn much, or ask questions. My father was really controlling. I felt trapped. My parents divorced. And I disolved my brokerage business, retained my license and moved away and started a retail company.

Years later, I married had kids and wanted to return to the family business but my father didn’t let me. He told me to go out on my own ( a whole other topic of discussion here ). He then sold his company.

My mom, being the badass that she is, encourages me to start my own small brokerage and see how much I can scale.

I’ve since been taking the CE courses through CBP, got a CCS certification and I’ve been talking to brokers on how to get back into the game.

I’m so lost! I barely remember how to do entries, I also no longer have the privilege of being handed clients. My thoughts are to get an entry level job as a customs entry specialist and go from there? I see some remote job postings that could work well for me But another broker told me that’s a waste of my time and should dive straight into getting a client and starting there.

I have overall knowledge of how this entire world works. It’s like the second language you grow up with at home but I have no real WORKING knowledge and in order for me to feel confident I feel like I need to get some experience.

Where do I go from here?

I’m the only daughter and have two brothers. Until recently, I genuinely believed my dad and I had a close, loving relationship.

I found out that in his living estate planning, he divided approximately $30 million between my two brothers and left all of his properties equally to them including millions in cash — I was left out completely.

I understand it’s his money and he’s entitled to do whatever he wants with it. What has devastated me isn’t simply the money—it’s what such an enormous disparity between his children communicates to me.
There was no estrangement or major falling-out between us when these decisions were made. I thought our relationship was good. So discovering that my brothers were treated equally while I, his only daughter, was excluded has fundamentally changed how I see my father and how much I trust him.

It’s also been particularly painful because I’m watching the difference play out in real time. My brothers have already started upgrading their lifestyles—buying more expensive homes in cash, and their wives are spending and splurging in ways they couldn’t before. Meanwhile, I’m watching from the sidelines knowing I was completely excluded. Not only I but also my children who are my fathers first grandkids and they have a beautiful and loving relationship.

To be fair, I’m not struggling financially. My husband is successful and earns roughly $350k+ a year, so we live very comfortably and I’m grateful for that. But we’re not uber wealthy or in a position where several million dollars would be meaningless to our family. And my brothers weren’t excluded based on financial need either.

That’s why this feels less like jealousy over what they can buy and more like grief over why my father decided that two of his male children deserved to participate in what he built while one didn’t.

He’s given me no real explanations and says he loves me unconditionally but nothing has really reconciled that contradiction for me. He also encourages me to forgive, heal and move forward, while I’m still trying to process what happened. It’s confusing. He almost makes me feel guilty for feeling heartbroken and crushed.

I’ve asked him for space. I don’t necessarily want to permanently cut him out of my life, and I’m not withholding a relationship until he gives me money or that sort of thing. I haven’t made absolutely any demands and I won’t either. I just genuinely don’t feel capable of having the same relationship with him right now. I feel so distressed and heartbroken at feeling less than.

Part of me thinks this is a reasonable response to a profound loss of trust. Another part wonders whether I’m being too drastic over something that ultimately is his money and his choice. I just can’t make sense of it. It’s like my brain is trying to understand or make sense of it and I can’t.

If you were in my position, would watching your siblings receive millions while you were inexplicably left out fundamentally change your relationship with your parent? Or am I allowing the hurt to overshadow everything else?