How can I help my dad accept i want more children?
Giving this a content warning as the story includes a near death experience and may be a trigger for some, please read with caution.
I (30F) have always dreamed of having a large family, i come from a family of five children, my mother is one of five, and from there the family just gets larger (9-14 per generation) so I have LOADS of cousins, and i LOVE it. We are all close and they literally mean everything to me. So naturally i want that for my children and so on. Everyone has always told me I’m crazy for wanting 4+ children, but i have never paid them any mind.
I have endometriosis and have been symptomatic since i was young (10) and therefore knew my journey to motherhood may be difficult. In fact, it ended up taking a surgery and 18 months of trying before we were able to conceive. I brought my son into this world in 2021 and then hard times hit, his father cheated, i left, but that led me to surrogacy.
I figured if my body could give me this gift, i wanted to help another family do the same if i was able. I matched with a lovely couple and we spent almost a year getting prepped and ready to bring their little boy into this world. Unfortunately, we lost that little one at 13 weeks. I was then given an option; either i take the pill and HOPE that everything is ejected and possibly have to have a DNC, or i could just opt to have the surgery. Since the surro family wanted an answer for the loss, i opted for the surgery. Thinking, itll be quick, itll be over and then we can move forward. This loss ended my surro journey and i have not tried to do it again.
The surgery was rough, i was given the run down of what to expect and the “possible, but rare” chances of complications. I have had no issues with surgery so i was not at all afraid going back. Cold? Absolutely. When i was brought back into the room my mother screamed, i was woken up that way from anesthesia, looked over to see my BP was 70/40 and nurses were pumping me full of fluid. I felt sick, i was in so much pain and i was freezing. This is when the doctor came in and let us know i had a severe bleed during the procedure and measures had to be taken to stop any further bleeding. I did not lose any organs thankfully.
After the surgery, my health took a nosedive and now i am facing numerous chronic health diagnosis’ I think are linked to the trauma my body experienced from the surgery and the numerous synthetic hormones necessary for surrogacy/IVF.
I have since met a wonderful man and we are planning our wedding and for the future. More children are definitely on that list. My father has stated to me numerous times now when i have told him we are attempting to have a baby that he is afraid of me getting pregnant. That he wishes i wouldn’t. That my son is enough. I know this is coming from a place of fear, so i am not in any way angry, but i desperately want more children, and i want him to understand that, but more than that, i want to help him work through that fear, after all I am HIS daughter, so i can only imagine the fear he must hold over my life and health. Is there anything that I can do to help him cope with this?