particularly with not having gotten better sooner, so they would have stayed? and i know it's not a guarantee that anyone will ever stay, but we were supposed to be the pair that learned together, grew together.
hi, new poly person here. it took me a while to come to terms with my identity, and i still somewhat identify with the demi-amorous idea of, i'd be happy both with and without poly. i have had a poly partner (t4t relationship so pls don't read if you're weird) of 5 years who is going long distance soon, and this past week was a trial with them away. in my worst moment after they told me about a threesome (that i totally knew about and gave my blessing), i expressed serious doubts about how we're going to make poly work over long distance after reading some stupid reddit posts (the irony) about how with the time concern polyamory already is, adding long distance requires extra time committed to your partner. in this worst worst moment, i said that i was stupidly thinking about how they could do monogamy for two years for us to be poly afterwards forever and they have now halted nearly all conversation with me. i know i hurt them, what i said was wrong and i emphasized that on the same call, but they said they don't know how to trust that i am truly poly and okay with them being with others. so now i ignorantly have to ask, how do i do this? how do i prove to not only them hopefully before all hope is lost, but to myself that i am who i say i am? this partner is the same person who has, in their worst moments, called themselves cisgender and a pretender and begged me to break up with them. i truly truly believe we make ourselves better by growing together, and if the distance has grown too much, we at least should talk about that before going cold turkey?
for disclaimer, i am also attending CODA meetings now bc i know that i am falling at a rapid speed into codependency on this person knowing that they're leaving, it's part of the reason why i tried to control them in such an awful way but i know that that is not who i am. please only offer advice if you can be sympathetic for someone who is learning not only how to love for the first time, but how to continue loving after this if things turn out for the worst.