u/General_Pie_2305

I’m new to this page and looking for some advice or insight and opinions. PLEASE HELP

Background:

My ex-husband and I are both military members, although he is no longer active duty. We divorced after he had an affair that resulted in a child, and shortly afterward he married the affair partner.

At the time, I was emotionally devastated by everything and agreed to let our children live overseas with him for one year so they could experience living abroad and build a relationship with their new sibling.

That arrangement was completely outside of our custody order and was never intended to become a permanent custody pattern or long-term arrangement. Prior to that one isolated year, the children had always remained with me since birth, including during our separation and the years following our divorce. The one year overseas was the first extended period they had ever lived with him outside of us still being married.

Our current custody order was also created when we both lived within 10 minutes of each other, so it reflects a week-on/week-off custody schedule that no longer makes sense now that we live in completely different locations.

Since then, things have changed significantly. He was separated from the military for reasons I’d rather not fully disclose, but in my opinion those circumstances speak to some irresponsibility that doesn’t necessarily show at face value. Because of his separation, he is now back stateside.

I, however, am still active duty and now projected to move from the U.S. to another overseas location. My children are authorized to accompany me, and this assignment would likely be a minimum of four years.

When I informed him about the assignment, he told me he would not agree to the children going overseas with me and wants them to remain stateside with him instead. He now seems to view the one year I allowed overseas as establishing a custody “pattern,” even though there was never any agreement that we would permanently alternate school years between households.

That is where our biggest disagreement is now.

I am requesting a modified custody order because our current order simply no longer fits reality. My preference is a more traditional long-distance custody arrangement where one parent has the children during the school year and the other parent has extended summer and holiday visitation.

He, however, wants us to alternate entire school years between households.

Personally, I do not agree with that arrangement because I feel like constantly uprooting the children every single year between countries, school systems, homes, and routines creates instability rather than consistency.

My biggest fear right now is perception.

On paper, I worry that he may appear “more stable” because:

• He is remarried
• He has a two-parent household
• He is no longer active duty
• I am a single active-duty mother preparing for another move overseas

I have consistently provided financially, emotionally, academically, and physically for my children their entire lives.

I already retained an attorney and am waiting for my appointment on June 22, but the wait has been eating me alive

Do I realistically have a leg to stand on here? Or does the one year I allowed overseas potentially work against me more than I realize?

I’m new to this page and looking for some advice or insight and opinions. PLEASE HELP

Background:

My ex-husband and I are both military members, although he is no longer active duty. We divorced after he had an affair that resulted in a child, and shortly afterward he married the affair partner.

At the time, I was emotionally devastated by everything and agreed to let our children live overseas with him for one year so they could experience living abroad and build a relationship with their new sibling.

That arrangement was completely outside of our custody order and was never intended to become a permanent custody pattern or long-term arrangement. Prior to that one isolated year, the children had always remained with me since birth, including during our separation and the years following our divorce. The one year overseas was the first extended period they had ever lived with him outside of us still being married.

Our current custody order was also created when we both lived within 10 minutes of each other, so it reflects a week-on/week-off custody schedule that no longer makes sense now that we live in completely different locations.

Since then, things have changed significantly. He was separated from the military for reasons I’d rather not fully disclose, but in my opinion those circumstances speak to some irresponsibility that doesn’t necessarily show at face value. Because of his separation, he is now back stateside (in a different state than me and the kids).

I, however, am still active duty and now projected to move from my state to another overseas location. My children are authorized to accompany me, and this assignment would likely be a minimum of four years.

When I informed him about the assignment, he told me he would not agree to the children going overseas with me and wants them to remain stateside with him instead. He now seems to view the one year I allowed overseas as establishing a custody “pattern,” even though there was never any agreement that we would permanently alternate school years between households.

That is where our biggest disagreement is now.

I am requesting a modified custody order because our current order simply no longer fits reality. My preference is a more traditional long-distance custody arrangement where one parent has the children during the school year and the other parent has extended summer and holiday visitation.

He, however, wants us to alternate entire school years between households.

Personally, I do not agree with that arrangement because I feel like constantly uprooting the children every single year between countries, school systems, homes, and routines creates instability rather than consistency.

****Either way, they’ll be at a new school in August. They go with dad to another state to a new school. Or they stay with me to a new country and school.

My biggest fear right now is perception.

On paper, I worry that he may appear “more stable” because:

• He is remarried
• He has a two-parent household
• He is no longer active duty
• I am a single active-duty mother preparing for another move overseas

He actually doesn’t live near me. He’s in a different state. After he was discharged, he came back to the US, in a totally different state. So it’s not like we’ve been coparenting in the same city.

The schedule currently is that the children are with me full-time, seven days a week, just as they have been since last year. I take them to and from school daily, handle their routines, and take them to sports on Saturdays. He currently has unrestricted access to the children, so no visitation restrictions or call limitations in place.

This is also the same arrangement we had before I agreed to let them live with him overseas for that one-year period. At the end of that year, I personally paid to retrieve them and return them home, and since then, things have resumed as they were before.

I already retained an attorney and am waiting for my appointment on June 22, but the wait has been eating me alive.

Do I realistically have a leg to stand on here? Or does the one year I allowed overseas potentially work against me more than I realize?