u/Geneva0777

Im in my 30s now and have gotten very curious about a couple quirks related specifically to memory. Ive always known its odd but never questioned why I have these issues.

Ive always had an inability to remember my surroundings/directions with ease and have horrible recall of places, faces, objects if im not looking directly at them.

Like if you show me a picture of someone I know or if I see them in person I can recognize people without issue. But if you asked me to describe what my boyfriend or mother looks like from memory I wouldn't know where to begin. I cant recall anything like the specific shapes or features that make a unique face. It doesn't matter how familiar I am with the person.

I am always amazed when I watch true crime shows and witnesses can give very descriptive details of faces or recognize someone they saw once in passing long after the fact.

Another example... I dont drive, never have. My boyfriend takes me to and from work every day for the last 3 years. If you ask me to tell you how to get to my job from my home on my own I couldnt tell you. It doesn't matter how many times ive been back and forth on the same route. My brain will not retain the information.

I believe alot of this specific issue may have alot to do with me never driving and myself just not focusing hard enough to memorize the way.... but still, after three whole years and still not knowing where to go from home... like not even how to leave my neighborhood and get onto the major roads.. its odd to me. And ive always been this way. Like how does my brain fail to take in ANYTHING. I can recognize the familiar landmarks as im passing it by and looking out the window... but from memory? Nope. Most people, even my 7 year old neice can start to memorize the familiar directions after a couple times.

Its bad enough that im known for getting easily lost in BUIDLINGS. Like ill eventually get it down but I genuinely get nervous if there's too many turns or doors in a hallway cause it will probably be a guessing game on how to get back to where I was 😅

Other than being very clumsy and a bit "ditsy" or easily forgetful when multitasking I think im fairly normal. Just curious why I suck with very specific memory task.

TLDR - My sis became a near stranger in what felt like a blink of an eye. She became violent and disappears for weeks leaving behind my young neice. I want to get her help now that she popped back up and I know where she is but my family/friends/her ex say im overreacting:

My sis started dating her ex fiance her senior year of high school. She moved in with him at his mother's home shortly after. From this time on her world revolved around him, his friends, his family... all very normal stuff when you date. Shortly after moving out she began to have mental episodes or bouts of depression, saying how she began to understand how screwed our upbringing was (we had a very rough and unstable childhood) and praised her ex-fiance as being her savior and held his family as the golden standard of what a family should be like.

We did have it rough and being with him helped her process alot of trauma that she didnt really get through as we were growing up. He made her feel safe and his family taught her how to live "normally" without feeling like she always had to be in survival mode.

However, as the years went, he turned out to be a lazy weed obsessed bum, and my sis became trapped in a cycle of trying to keep up with his family's partying life style.

My sis got pregnant in her early 20s and shortly after she and her ex moved in with me at my home for what was supposed to be a few months, but turned into 5 long years. The whole time they rarely worked, they both kept the same part time job at amazon and never aspired to go full time, change jobs, or go to school.

My sis was the go-getter of the two, shes very creative and started her own little side hustle for custom party favors. She also got into sewing and making baby clothes and accessories. I always tried to push her to go to school for business or something creative but she always felt that she wasnt smart enough. I could go on and on about how unsupportive her ex was, what a clown he was, how lazy and selfish he was, but at the end of the day, my sister chose to stay with and defend him.

Any dollar that was left after paying their meager bills was blown on extravagant parties for one thing or another. Her ex's family prioritized social gatherings and putting on airs over everything else. Dinner parties and events were planned and paid for before bills. The ex's mom had a sugar daddy situation going on so she was always getting bailed out, but my sis and her ex did not have the funds to maintain that lifestyle so it left a bitter taste in my mouth to see them go that route.

I got to a point where I really started pushing them to get their own place... they had never been on their own, and they didn't contribute much the entire time they stayed with me. I had grown frustrated with their lack of drive to "grow-up". My neice was getting older and I didnt like that they were ok with her being raised with them all crammed in one bedroom. My mother and I had grown annoyed with how they'd run to go party and socialize with his family while they left my home a mess and never helped with anything. I started to really put the pressure on them to move out, even telling them I had thoughts to sell my home and downsize just to make sure they had no choice but to get out.

They finally moved out about a year and a half ago and It has been the worst thing to ever happen for my sis.

At first they seemed to be ok, they were both working more hours, and our mom would help with babysitting my neice to make sure they got on ok with work schedules. They are very social people so it didnt take them long to befriend neighbors and fit right in with the community. We'd pop in for visits and the apartment would be clean!! (They were filthy while living with me)I really thought they were finally growing up and doing well... but we somehow missed the signs. We had no idea that my sis was about to snap and just... check out.

Things had gotten rough and they didnt want to let us in on it. I found out later that my sis had called our dad several times asking for money to get by. Im crying now typing this cause I know she didnt want to let me know how bad they were struggling. I wish I would have known.

At the same time they started struggling, she ended up making this one friend at work who had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. For some reason this woman helped spark a midlife crisis of sorts for my sister and she suddenly began venting to us how she didnt get to experience her 20s, how her ex fiance was not a provider (very true) how she had to defend him for years while they missed out on travel and vacations and never got to spoil my neice or go out on dates and struggled because they spent all their money on dinner parties at his mother's house. How she became distant from her own family because they always prioritized his. She was finally letting out how she really felt after years of pretending she was ok with him.

It was concerning, but nothing we thought was a major red flag. It was sad to know she was having relationship problems but i was glad she was finally thinking about the bigger picture and thought it would either lead to her leaving him or having him agree to change their lifestyle and priorities. Either way it would run it course.

But things went an entire different route. She started drinking and hanging out with her new friend more. One night she got physical with her ex when she was upset over nothing in particular. Just drunken rage. He kept it hush hush and only told us about a few days after. When we found out it was a big deal, but they talked it out in front of us and things settled down and went back to normal.

Then it happened again, and then again. Her ex tried to keep it all under wraps but eventually he called my mom in the middle of the night in frustrated tears saying he had to lock my sister out of the apartment because she suddenly started attacking him in a drunken rage, that it was very violent and bad this time, that he had to fight back and that the police were on their way. From here on we'd get more and more frantic phone calls. "She got violent again, shes locked outside shouting and banging on the door waking all the neighbors, she left suddenly and isnt answering her phone, she hasnt been home in a day or two and her phone is off, shes showing up to work drunk, I think she may be on drugs" The calls got worse and worse.

Through out all of this she cut down contact with me and my mom. She wouldn't answer our calls/texts anymore and if we went to see her in person she'd deny everything and pretend nothing was wrong and say that her ex was being dramatic. She'd play if off so well we honestly didnt know whether to believe her ex until my neice started showing some concerning behavior and shed verify exactly what he was telling us was happening. Even after going missing for a couple days with no explanation my sis would deny deny deny.

I felt right away this was a mental health issue but everyone including my sister's ex downplayed it. They all explained it as normal relationship problems. Her ex really wanted to keep the family together and work through it and so he asked me to not stir the pot even more.

Then finally, after just a year of them living on their own, my sis completely walked out on her fiance and my neice. She ended up getting fired from her job for not showing up. Shortly after she wrecked their only vehicle and never really explained what happened. Then she just... disappeared. Turned off her phone one day and went missing for weeks. We would only know she was ok because her ex would hear about her through people at work who would see her at a bar or from seeing her on someones insta story/post confirming she was out drinking very often.

At one point about two months ago my sis randomy showed up to their apartment. During that time she was almost catatonic and so gentle and calm. When we rushed to her she weakly told us she was feeling better and was going to stay home, then proceeded to sleep for two days straight. When she woke up she was normal for a couple hours, then got hostile with her ex, then up and disappeared again.

After being MIA for weeks my sis started contacting me about a week and a half ago. She called to let me know that she passed out suddenly after feeling lightheaded, that her face turned pale and her lips and ears turned blue and they had an ambulance called for her but that she refused to go to the hospital and was very scared so she called me. It scared the crap out of me too and I begged her to let me know where she was and what was going on. If she was drinking or on drugs. She said no that she just hadn't been eating since she lost her job which left her broke, and that she had been couch surfing at different friends homes. She asked if I could help her get a job with the company I worked at, that she wanted to get her shit together and start providing for herself so she could get a place and take care of my neice on her own. Since then we have been in contact everyday. She has been checking in daily and started her new job today.

My mom has been VERY unsupportive through out this whole situation. She is angry that my sis would put my neice through this when we were raised in struggle and a toxic environment. For my mother there is no room to talk about mental health, she does not see it as an excuse for my sis to walk out on her child. For my mom, no matter how bad the pressure and struggle was for her to raise three kids mostly on her own, she never gave up. So why is my sister giving up so easily?

When I told her that my sis has been in contact and that she got a job she had nothing but negative things to say. She has instead been very supportive of my sisters rightfully bitter ex. But I cant help shake the feeling that all that support and worry should be invested in her own daughter who is clearly having a mental breakdown instead of her lazy sorry ass ex.

Anyway today I got a hysterical text from my mom. It read in all caps: "YOUR SISTER IS NASTY AS FUCK"

I immediately called her for clarification and she informed me that my sister's ex let it slip that my sis has been dating a guy that one of her closest cousins used to live with and had dated for years. This cousin and her were as close as sisters at one point, so my mother is disgusted that my sister would even consider dating him. She told my 6 year old neice that she cannot wait for karma to find my sister and prays for it to happen very soon. I snapped at my mom. Told her she should be ashamed to take such joy in shit talking her own daughter and waiting for the day life takes an even bigger dump on her. That my sis has had mental issues before and my mom rolled her eyes about it back then just like she is now.

I reminded her that my sis is probably like this because of the horrible things we were exposed to growing up. We grew up watching our parents beat the crap out of eachother, we watched our dad beg for his life with a gun to his head while our home was being robbed for drugs and money, we lived in poverty, moved from place to place because of my dads paranoia, when my mom finally left my dad we lived in even greater poverty and watched her slowly waste away cause she was starving herself so her three kids would have enough to eat after she worked double shifts at walmart to pay the bills for an empty apartment with no furniture.

My mom countered that she was an excellent mother who did what she could and that my sister should have been like her and sacrificed all before leaving her daughter behind.

I agree to an extent. But I whole heartedly beleive my sister is struggling with a genuine mental collapse rn and so I have been looking into getting my sister hospitalized for a mental check and possibly rehabilitation for alcohol/drugs while i still know where she is. My mom went and told my sister's ex and he called YELLING and cursing at me to stay tf out of it, to stop making excuses for my sister, that I was the only one trying to enable her. My sis has said things and acts in a way that is very out of character. When she gets these lapses of gentle clarity, i truly believe there is a switch somewhere in her head that flips and she is suddenly herself and then it gets flipped again and shes violent and unrecognizable. Almost like bi-polar disorder or something.

No one in my family supports me trying to get her hospitalized, but then again mental health is a taboo thing in my family. Word about her dafing my cousins ex went around fast and now i have even more people telling me to stop making excuses for my sister's wild behavior.

She did show up for her first day of work today, so now i do feel like maybe she isnt mentally ill and just needed a reality check to get her back on track... but at the same time I am terrified of her just snapping tomorrow and disappearing again and I feel like i need to get ahead of that while I still know where she is. Am I overreacting? Should I be dramatic and continue to look into having my sister hospitalized potentially against her will and possibly ruin the trust she has in me right now??? Or should I stay out of it like everyone says and take the risk of her disappearing again.