u/GeophysGal

Nobody likes surprise penis. There’s nothing worse than turning around and getting a nasty surprise.

The last 2 weeks have have been all about surprise penis. Zeke has been out of control. He’s been putting his penis everywhere he thinks it’ll get some attention…. In Sissy’s face, in my face, rubbing on my chair, rubbing on the couch, & rubbing on tall grass just to name a few. Hell, if he could get in Papas lap, he would put I in papas face too. It’s been exhausting and more than a little out of control.

I wasn’t prepared for a lot of things when I got a male puppy. Having 25 years of greyhounds, bitches only, was not even an iota of the experience I’ve received in the last 3 months. Little boys are decidedly different. I’ll be honest and say I like bitches better, they’re my kinda women.

So, this brings me to last Friday when I sold the Family Jewels. The nuts went rancid and had to be thrown out. I let the helium out of the balloons. I took them to the ball taxidermist to have them bronzed and mounted. The snip-snip happened, and my boy has two deflated little sac’s that are greatly reduced from their former glory. They look decidedly sad. I almost feel bad. Almost.

So now that I’ve made all the fellas in the room uncomfortable, my mission is complete. We will be having a funeral for Zeke’s testicles this week, please RSVP if you wish to attend to say your good byes. Zeke is seeking donations for a replacement pair. Wish him luck.

Fizz

Ballad of a Soldier

I am a soldier. My name is freedom.
I walk in the valley of the shadow of death.
I fear no evil.
I stand for courage, compassion, dignity, and life.

My love is democracy.
I am the light in darkness.
I am the sword of the meek.
I do not hate.

My code is Justice.
I do not pale in the face of danger.
I will not turn a blind eye.
I do not tolerate transgression.

I am an Eagle.
I empower the weak.
I march boldly.
I cry quietly.
I sleep lightly.
I love unconditionally.

Call me in the night,
I will come.
Pray for me in the darkness,
I will bring the lamp.
Whisper my name,
and I will hear.

I am the blood of innocence.
I have not one face, but many.
I am a mother, a father, a son & a daughter.
I am no one and I am everyone.

I am a soldier and Freedom is my name.

-- Fizz --

Written on the First day of the Second Gulf War by me.

As we have reached over >26,000+ members, I feel important to remind everyone to read our rules. To that, I say the following:

*While Fuckery is in our subreddit name, one HAS to be nice here. NO intentional provocation of users in posts that you don’t care for. We have a “be nice” rule and I’ll enforce it every day and twice on Sundays… don’t be an asshole.

*Remember that Fuckery IS in the name of our subreddit, which means that this is supposed to be a fun place. In particular, I’m speaking of the santa in the coffin pic. Do I like it? NO. Would I do it to my kid? NO. Is it funny as hell? ABSO-FUCKING-UTELY! It is also a real truck stop here in the USA where parents can take their children if they like. I have a decided opinion on that but it’s their kid and they’ll have to live with the consequences.

*Those of you who lurk, but don’t post. I encourage you to post. It doesn’t even have to be funny nonsensical. Many of my posts are more.. awkward or me just writing about something because I need to vent or me writing about something I find fascinating. I’m sure there are a host of members that are bored to tears of my Great Lakes Freighter obsession. Just write. We have FUckers who write family updates. We have FUckers who are going thru some troubles and come here for support. We have FUckers that talk about their farm life. Yes, you u/Cow-Puncher-77. And, we have FUckers who like to share funny and informative or uninformative shit. Yes I’m referring to you u/Lonely-Coconut-9734.

*We would love to hear you military stories, so long as they’re with in the rules.

*We would love to support you if you’re struggling… especially if you’re struggling.

*We would love to hear the dumb ass shit you did as a teenager.

*We would love to hear the dumb ass shit you do as an adult.

*We do not want anything political. We’re VERY firm on that. If you’re upset because the shutdown has caused you not to eat… vent about the affordability of food. If you’re want to say one political set of values are assholes, we DO NOT ALLOW that. If you want to say one political set of values are GODS… we DO NOT ALLOW that either.

*We do not want to see soft porn, degradation of women, degradation of men, or degradation of ANY sort.

*We do not want to see people be called a liar. Conversely, we appreciate a story with a good stretch so long as it’s based on a truth.

*We do not tolerate any hostility or hostile rebuttal of Moderators. We are active moderators and we care very much about this sub. We’ve worked hard to make this a fun place to be. We are also human. Please remember that we’re all adults (well most of us) here and act so.

*To that last comment, we DO have a few Minors. They often post asking advice or posting stuff they think is funny. We support them and make every effort to be as inclusive as possible. Life is hard enough for teenagers without us adding more.

With all of the above said… have a great time on this sub. If ever you have a question or are unsure about something, you can contact myself (u/geophysgal) or u/BlackSeranna or, who are our most active moderators. Other moderators who are not active are: u/SloppyEyeScream (founder), u/itsallalittleblurry2, u/Coursair_inau, u/TheJonJohn, & u/aspienonomous

Peace FUckers! Fizz

Women of an age, Gen X women, we have been bombarded with the image of the “perfect woman” since we were 10 or 11 years old. It started out with Magazines focused at young women of the 80’s and then moved on to others until it was in TV shows, Movies, and finally Commercials. There has been no effort to curb the insanity and create “body positivity” until very recently.

Because of this, part of my psyche is ingrained with women perfection: slender, tall, large boobs, great legs, and blonde. And, I only have one of those (blonde). Comments regarding food and what I’m ingesting in a negative way cut me to the bone, and in fact cause me great emotional turmoil. Emotional turmoil that is an extreme detriment to myself.

Unfortunately by 96 year old dad has forgotten that one doesn’t say these types of things to a woman under the guise of “speaking the truth”. It’s really only covering thoughtlessness through a false image of honesty. Two days ago, when I said that I had no control when it came to donuts, he took it as an invitation to also speak about my issues with food, and said “You’ve been eating all the wrong things, you’re going to gain all that weight back.”

I’m upset. Very upset. I’ve been in motional turmoil for 2 days, trying to fake it until I make it. It’s not working. It’s always very obvious when I’m upset, I simply don’t emote. My face turns flat, not happy or sad, and I don’t show anything at all. My friends know when something is wrong because of this. My dad is clueless.

The last couple of days I’ve been extremely not happy, to the point of not being able to eat much, to which he’s noticed and made several comments. Which brings me to what I’m angry about. I’m not angry about him saying I’ve been eating the wrong foods. That is essentially true. What I’m angry about is that everything I eat is observed and noted. I can’t live with what I ingest being watched carefully with the possibility that it will be thrown in my face at random moments, causing me to have an emotional upheaval for days. It’s not right and it being my Dad makes in much worse, for I know he never would have done this to Nana. I have tried telling him what this does to me but he doesn’t seem to fully understand the damage it does to me emotionally. He’s a man, how could he understand the pressure a Gen X woman has on her shoulder to be perfect? He doesn’t understand that we are continually looked at and judged because he has never had to live with that himself. He’s lucky.

So, I’ve been listening to a LOT of Duran Duran and trying to figure out how to get myself to a point where I can just ignore it. I don’t think I’ll get there, I don’t think I’ll learn to survive these types of comments, but I’m trying. I’m built like a German peasant, short, wide, and sturdy. I’ll never be “thin” by today’s standards. These things I’ve come to accept. Just talking to you lot helps a bit. So does my journal.

Fizz

Please be aware that there are new rules in FU.

*No more than 3 crosspost per Redditor in a 24 hour period.

*No video depicting workplace accidents or persons being injured.

I really can’t believe we have to make a rule regarding videos of people getting hurt, but we do. Folks, persons getting hurt or injured isn’t funny in the least.

The cross posting is getting out of hand, therefore no more than 3 crossposts a day per redditor on this subreddit is now enforced.

FU Moderating Team.

I need to turn off my current location on the map so when I post an image on the ‘net it doesn’t show my location. I still wish for Storm Radar to use my location.

I’ve looked all over & can’t find a way with out turning off location sharing under settings on my apple device.

Is there one? And, if not, will it be put on the wish list?
Fizz

ETA I’m talking about the location marker on the map… the blue circle with white arrow overlay