[August Submission] Bound to the Stone

My Partners Perspective

“Hello, welcome to Pizza Palace. How can I help you?"

I shoved as much fake hospitality into my voice as I could manage, but eight straight hours of serving barely mediocre pizza to asshole customers, with nothing but the constant drone of fluorescent lights and the occasional flicker overhead for company, has a way of killing your ability to pretend you're happy to be there. 

The dad across the counter from me looked like he was about to collapse, eye bags stretched halfway across his face, two raucous little kids chasing each other around the lone table in our tiny excuse for a dining room behind him.

“Can I have two large cheeses, a medium pepperoni, and a large chef's salad, please”

He read the list off a text message, his voice as flat and exhausted as mine was. He paid in cash, let me keep the change, and turned around to wrangle his kids as I ducked around the corner to give the order to Angi.

“Girl, if I have to welcome one more person to the Pizza Palace, I’m gonna throw up,” I said, handing her the order. “By the way, did he text me back yet?”

Angi looked up from spreading sauce across a pizza crust. She'd confiscated my phone an hour ago after catching me typing out what would've been my fourth ‘just checking in’ text to Dave. 

“Oh my god, you need to get over him. He's not gonna get back together with you, plus he was a douchebag anyway; you’re better off without him.”

She was right, of course.

Dave was a cheating douchebag.

Unfortunately, knowing that and actually getting over him turned out to be two completely different things.

Angi slid the pizza into the oven and haphazardly wiped her hands on the front of her apron.

“Oh, speaking of things you need to get over, there's a huge estate sale tomorrow morning right outside of town. You're off work, right?” 

I glanced at her sideways. “What does that have to do with Dave?”

“Just something to take your mind off things’

“With an estate sale?”

“Not just any estate sale.” She lowered her voice like she was telling a campfire story, despite the fact that the only other person in the kitchen was the dishwasher who had been listening to the same radio station for six hours and couldn't have cared less. “ You know that psychic lady who lived on Stenton Lane?”

I scrunched my face, searching my memory.

“The one who does free tarot card readings at the solstice festival every year?” 

“That's the one.” 

I snorted in disbelief. “You're telling me Elesandra died?”

“Yeah, just last week. I mean she was ninety-something years old; it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. Anyway, her daughter is throwing an estate sale at her house tomorrow. I thought it would be fun to go. Find some magical wand to get rid of your heartbreak.” She giggled and threw her hands up, wiggling them like she was casting a spell. 

I rested my head on the takeout deck.  “You know I don't really believe in that stuff, Ange”

Angi shrugged. “I heard she's got all kinds of weird stuff. Crystal balls, old spell books, tarot decks, candles, magic jewelry, whatever the hell psychics keep around their house.”

“Love potions, perhaps?” I asked sarcastically. 

“Oh absolutely, but I would never let you buy one.” 

I laughed.

“I'm serious, we should go. It'll be fun.”

“Why?”

“Because you're pathetic. I can't stand to see you mope around anymore. And… if there is a love potion of some kind, maybe we can buy it.”

I gave her a light smirk. “Oh? And who for?”

She thought about it for a moment. “Dave's hot dad?”

I laughed despite myself and threw my rag at her. “What time?”

“Doors open at 9 am! I'll pick you up?”

“It's a date!” I shouted over my shoulder as I made my way back to the front counter to take another order.

For the first time since the breakup, I was actually looking forward to tomorrow.

I woke up the next day to the sound of Angi’s horn blaring outside my apartment. I rolled over and checked the clock. 8:30. Shit!. I called her and tripped over apology after apology while I frantically threw clothes on and bolted out the door.

I spotted her little red Subaru idling along the side of the road, its windshield washed in the pale gold of the morning sun. Her faded dreamcatcher hung from the rearview mirror, its feathers stirring gently from the air conditioner. I ran to her car, still pulling up my jeans, opened the passenger-side door, and climbed inside.

I saw her little red Subaru idling on the side of the road, dream catcher hanging from the rearview mirror, and climbed in.

“What part of ‘I’ll be there at 8:30 tomorrow morning’ is so challenging for you to understand?” Angi teased

“Actually, you never gave me a time to be ready, so….” I shot back sarcastically.

We exchanged small talk on the drive out of town, and I watched absentmindedly as the sidewalks gave way to trees and the side streets grew fewer and farther between. The typical sprawling suburban landscape sank behind us as we meandered through the back roads. The only sign of civilization beyond the power lines was the occasional homestead. The lots grew larger and larger as we headed further away from downtown.

Eventually, the house came into view. If you had told me old lady Elesandra died a decade ago rather than a week ago, I would have believed you. The place looked abandoned; the faded and cracked siding was overgrown with dead, rotted vines, and the porch sagged in the middle like a worn-out mattress. One of the posts had cracked and was ‘fixed’ by a sloppily nailed two-by-four.

As we walked up the driveway, I noticed that even though we were late, there was only one other car in the driveway. An old, beat-up pickup truck with a middle-aged man sitting in the driver's seat, staring blankly out the front windshield, clearly not the typical demographic for an estate sale.

I was about to comment how lucky we were that we had made it before the crowd, but right then at least seven more cars had pulled up in unison. 

“We better get in there fast before all the resellers get their hands on that love potion,” Angie commented, skipping up the drive faster now. 

We were one of the first ones inside, only beaten by the strange man we saw earlier. He seemed frantic, rummaging through bins with reckless abandon. If there was something specific he was looking for, it would have taken hours. The place was a mess of old eccentric clothes and spiritual paraphernalia.

Dozens of bins and folding tables were spread out through the house; it looked like one of those hoarder shows you see on shitty daytime television. It smelled like old sage, cheap perfume, and cheaper cigarettes. Angi was having the time of her life, ooing and awwing at tarot cards and apparently rare crystals, but nothing really caught my attention.

I meandered through the house, absentmindedly leafing through racks of musty clothes and tables of aging books and psychic accessories. Angi was focused on a table covered in protective charms, aging Ouija boards, and strange jars filled with I-don’t-know-whats; occasionally shouting at me across the house about her latest find.

I wandered into a back room and found a table covered from end to end in stunning jewelry. The aging silver and gold shimmered in the early morning sunlight as it crept through the window, begging me to take a look. Rings, bracelets, and necklaces from decades past, all simply beautiful.

And there, on the end of the table, was the most incredible piece. A large gemstone pendant; the deep, wine colored ruby seated gently against sterling silver. Unlike everything else in the house, this looked brand new. It was polished and shining, seemingly immune to the passage of time. I had to have it.

I slipped it over my head and let the heavy crystal rest gently against my chest. I didn't bother to check the price tag as I walked to the checkout table. It didn't matter how much it cost. I needed it. More than anything before in my entire life, I needed it.

“That’ll be one hundred thirty-five dollars,” Elesandra’s daughter huffed. I started to reach for my card, but she cut me off. “Ah- it's cash only. Sorry, miss.”

I wanted to scream. I needed to have it. I didn’t have the money on me, but I would sooner die than leave empty-handed. I tried to maintain my composure as I looked for Angi. I passed by the strange man during my search. He was staring at me with noticeable intensity, and it left me on edge.

I finally found Angi and immediately started to beg her “Angi please, you don't understand, its like it calls to me, i need it so bad, isn’t it gorgeous, please, please help me pay for it, please, I just need a few bucks, you know I’m good for it Angi, please, I need it” I exploded my frantic, desperate pleas onto her. She said no. She said she didn’t have any money left over after buying her things; I believed her and her many heavy bags, but it did nothing to quell my craving. I would simply have to steal it.

I had never stolen anything before, especially not from a sweet old lady whose mom just died. But this was different. She didn’t deserve the pendant. I did. I had a right to it. If anything, she was stealing it from me. I walked into the secluded back room I found it in, and slipped it off my neck and into my purse. 

As I looked at it there, I began to doubt how good of an idea this was. Did I really need it that badly that I was willing to steal from a woman who just lost her mother? I paused for a long moment and stared at the pendant, the large gem somehow still shimmering back at me, beckoning me. It really was beautiful, but I knew I couldn't just take it. I decided I would put it back, go to an atm, and hope it was still there when I returned. Just as I reached into my purse to place it back on the table, someone walked in behind me. I snapped my purse shut and hurried out of the room, desperately trying to avoid eye contact.

I rushed to find Angi; critical thought had given way to gut instinct, and all I cared about was getting out of there. I rounded the corner and saw her standing by the door. I shot her a glance that said, “We need to go now.” Just then, the strange man from before stopped me.

“Where is it?” He barked, just short of yelling at me

“What?” I replied

“The pendant, the necklace you were wearing earlier. I saw you wearing it, the one with the big red gemstone. Where is it?”

I nearly choked. Why was he asking me about the pendant? Had he seen me put it in my purse? I barely managed to sputter out, “Oh, I went and put it back, sorry.” I gestured to the room behind me, and he shoved past to look.

I grabbed Angi and dragged her out to the car. Once again, my encounter with the man had left me on edge. I  I had to get out of there before he could find me again, and before anyone noticed the missing pendant.

I waited until we got down the road a ways before opening my purse again. Looking down at the pendant, I felt guilt wash over me. I really had just stolen. From a sweet old lady. Whose mom just died.

I pulled the pendant out from my purse and held it up to the sun. It really was beautiful. I slipped it over my head again, and as the cool silver rested against my chest, I felt the guilt fade away. This was the right decision.

Angi looked over at me and nearly crashed the car when she saw the pendant around my neck.

“OH MY GOD, IVORY, DID YOU FUCKING STEAL IT!?” she screamed

“YEAH, I DID,” I screamed back. “YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, OK? I HAD TO HAVE IT, I KNOW THAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MINE! IT WAS JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL TO LEAVE THERE!”

“Ivory…” Angi sighed. “When I said you needed to do something to get over Dave, I didn’t mean this…”

“Who the hell cares about Dave, Angie? That lying bastard has nothing to do with this. You don't get it. This pendant is special. There's something about it, something that calls to me. I just… I had to have it, ok?”

Angi didn’t  talk to me for the rest of the  ride. I could tell she was upset with me. I wanted to make it right, but I didn't know how. Maybe if she tried on the pendant she would understand; maybe she could experience its true beauty.

After stealing the pendant, I started to wear it all the time. To work, the grocery store – the bank. Wherever I went, it went with me. I even wore it on a few rebound dates, but nothing ever came of those. It became like a safety blanket for me; I felt naked without it. I even started sleeping with it on.

I had the pendant for about two weeks at the time when the strange man from the estate sale showed up at Pizza Palace. When I saw him walking in I was overcome with anxiety. I slipped the pendant under my shirt and ducked  into the kitchen. Something about him screamed that he could not be trusted.

I was working with Matt that night, I think Angi had been avoiding me and must have requested to not be scheduled with me. When I asked Matt, he said I was being silly and that she was probably just taking some “mental health days.” I responded with maybe so and then asked him to take the order of the guy at the front so I could “use the bathroom.”  for me. I watched from the small window in the half wall between the check-out counter and the kitchen as he ordered his food. He tried his best to act innocent, play it off like some kind of coincidence, but his eyes kept shooting glances past Matt  to  me. I didn’t know what he wanted, or how he found out where I worked, but I knew this creep was after me.

After that day I started seeing him all over the place. I would go to my favorite coffee shop, , and he would be there. I would pass him and his dusty old truck on the road. The gas station, the grocery store, the movies, he was almost always there. I swear I even saw him outside my place one night, just idling on the side of the road.

I think hes fucking with me somehow, like some kind of witchcraft or something. That night he was outside of my house. I had the weirdest nightmare. I was wearing the pendant, like normal, but it felt different. I was strangely aware of it’s weight as it hung around my neck. My whole body felt foreign to me, like something else was controlling it and I was an invader in my own skin. I felt myself get out of bed and walk over to the window in off-beat, shambling steps. His truck was there, just like it was when I went to bed, but where before was fear now sat searing hatred. I lurched through my house, bumping into door frames and riding my walls until eventually I found my kitchen. I watched, powerless, as I slowly grabbed a steak knife from the butcher block on my countertop, turned around, and threw myself at my front door. In that moment I knew what my body wanted. From deep within my bones screamed death. I was going to kill him. I wanted…to kill him. 

I threw the front door open and charged with alien athleticism. The sudden shock of November midnight tore me from the awful dream. Drenched and sweat and gasping for air—I shot up like a bolt before realizing where I was. I decided to lie back down to catch my breath. After several minutes  of convincing myself it was a dream, I got up to check my window. The truck was gone but I thought I saw something on my face in the reflection of the window. A draft wrapped around my ankles as I walked to the bathroom to take a closer look in the mirror. Creeping from my nose, across my face, and down to my chest, a meandering river of dried crimson flowed down to encircle the pendant.

As I washed the blood off my face I tried to figure out what could have possibly caused this. I've never had a  nose bleed, not even a minor one.  

I thought back to last night, head pounding as I tried to focus on the blurry memories. I remembered seeing the strange man outside before I fell asleep; I saw his mouth moving as he stared not at me but through me, a faint glow spilled from his mouth, and then I blacked out. He must have put some kind of curse on me, to make me fall asleep and then corrupt my dreams. That could explain the nose bleed, but why did it pool around the pendant like that? It must have been protecting me, but if the nightmare was that bad with its protection, how bad could it be without it. I determined from then on I would never, ever take the pendant off.

I walked into the kitchen to make myself coffee and call off work, but I couldn't shake that draft. My house was old, maybe even older than Elesandra’s, so the occasional draft wasn’t that uncommon. It was a fair trade for the cheap rent, in my eyes, but outside of snowstorms it was never this bad. I hung up the phone, it took some fake coughing but Pizza Palace granted me the day off, and I reached into my freezer drawer to grab a breakfast burrito. I tossed it in the microwave and set the timer for six and a half minutes, the box said to do five but I knew better. Sitting there watching my breakfast spin, and trying my best to ignore the chill, I noticed something in the foggy reflection of the microwave glass. My front door was wide open.

I kept having strange dreams. Those semi-lucid nightmares haunted me every night as I watched my body move entirely on its own. It would draw runes on the walls and floors using the blood dripping from my nose as ink, and then I would wake up. I had to be sleepwalking. There was no other explanation for why I felt so well-rested, yet the fresh runes painted on my walls proved I wasn't staying in bed.

  
I tried researching them. Normally I would ask Angie, she's an expert on this kind of stuff but she’s also not talking to me anymore; so I had to do it on my own. I searched through countless occult message boards and wikipedia pages on ancient religions and found nothing that looked similar to the runes. I even rented as many relevant library books as I could and still found nothing. I was sure they were protection runes because when I got close the pendant gave off a faint glow, but beyond that I had no idea.

Weeks went by and I was starting to break. I couldn’t sleep, I was barely eating, my body felt weak and heavy all the time, Angie wasn’t talking to me, Pizza Palace fired me. My life was falling apart, and it was all his fault. 

That disgusting, vile man. He must have cursed me, that's the only option. I saw him casting some kind of something that night and ever since my life has gone to shit. Every single night I’m plagued by those awful possessive dreams. I can feel the pendant aching, I think it's struggling to keep whatever curse he casted at bay. I know he's trying to take the pendant way from me– I won’t let him steal the only thing protecting me from him. . I’m certain he’s still following me; the next time I see him , I’m putting an end to this.

I keep seeing his tuck around town. Every time I pass by I want nothing more than to slam my car into his shabby old ford and then beat the living shit out of the man that steps out. I hate him. I hate him for stalking me. I hate him for destroying my life. Most importantly I hate him for trying to take my pendant. Every time I see him I want blood, but something tells me I need to wait. Wait until the time is right.

After weeks of hunting him, the perfect opportunity presented itself. I was watching his motel room. Cigarette smoke climbed out his window, past the cracking sickly-yellow wall, and out into the inky nighttime sky.

Across the road I sat waiting, the air was tense with opportunity; I watched as he  put out his cigarette, slipped his coat over his shoulders, and walked out the door of his room. The time was now.

He stepped out into the parking lot and I let the possession overtake my senses.  The fear that I felt upon its first nightly abductions was gone now, in its place was hunger.

He climbed into his truck and started the engine. Right as the door closed I felt my body erupt forward, joints snapping to impossible angles as I threw myself at him 

He began to back out of his parking space, slow and absentminded as I’d seen him do over and over. He was completely unaware of my presence as my body tore across the asphalt, unwavering.

I picked myself up from a gallop into a two-legged sprint as I came upon the truck. Dropping my shoulders and bracing for impact–he finally noticed me. His indifferent thousand yard stare melted into terror and I slammed myself into the driver side door.

The car door crunched and buckled under the weight of my fury; I felt my shoulder crack with it, and my arm fell limp. Glass rained down over me, leaving slivers of blood in their wake. I couldn't feel a thing. I reached in through the now open window with my still functioning hand and grabbed his  collar.

He was screaming now. The sharp smell of rust burned in my nostrils as I tried to pull him from the vehicle. I dragged half his body over the remains of the window before he really started to put up a fight. He moved like a desperate animal, arms and legs swiping wildly for anything to grab on to.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME!”

The voice bellowed from my mouth, but it wasn’t mine. It was a twisted perversion of my own voice; pitched down and folded over into itself thousands of times.

“I KNOW ITS YOUR DOING”

I gained another few inches in the fight dragging him, glass crunching and squelching under his weight. He had stopped screaming, but was growing more and more desperate.

With one final heave I ripped him from his seat . The sudden release left me tumbling to the ground. I heard the crack of his skull against the concrete several yards behind me, and clambered to my feet.

Somehow hehad gotten to his feet, but he was shaky and struggled to keep his balance. Blood dripped from the split on his forehead like a leaky crimson faucet. 

My arm had started to really ache now, a reminder of my humanity that pounded in sync with my rapid fire heartbeat. The blood was pouring from my nose again, and the slew of cuts that painted my body were growing angrier.

It would catch up with me soon, but I couldn’t give in now. I needed answers.

I willed myself forward, each step shot ropes of agony up my spine. I could see in his eyes he wanted nothing more than to run, but his body was  managing to stay upright and resolved.

I made my way to him. In the glow of the vacancy sign there seemed to be something else mixed with the terror in his eyes. Was it pity? I had beaten him within an inch of his life and he looked at me with pity?

I grabbed him by the throat, his eyes bulged and breath sputtered as I lifted him until he could barely touch the ground. He desperately scraped at my arms with what little fight he had left.

“Talk.”

The voice came again, less beastly now.

He choked out “Its… the pendant.. It -”

The cold asphalt violently cut him off as I threw him to the ground.

“THE PENDANT IS MINE”

Beastly again.

He scuttled away from me, struggling to find footing in the slick pool of our blood. He tried to stand but his knees buckled under him immediately.

“I DON’T WANT THE PENDANT!” He screamed, , “I don't want the fucking pendant, but thats whats doing this to you. Its not me I swear”

“YOU LIE, I’LL KILL YOU, I’LL KILL YOU RIGHT HERE DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME”

“I swear…I’m not lying, the pendant… its cursed. It makes you paranoid, takes over your body and -”

“THE PENDANT ISN’T CURSED, YOU CURSED ME, I SAW YOU DO IT YOU BASTARD”

“I didn’t curse you, I promise. I’ve been trying to help you–”

“THE PENDANT HELPS ME, IT PROTECTS ME, IT IS ME

“No, it doesn't. Please, please, you have to believe me. Just take the pendant off and I’ll show you.”

“NO! YOU JUST WANT IT FOR YOURSELF! THE PENDANT IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN KEEP ME SAFE, I WILL  NEVER TAKE IT OFF!”

I jumped on top of him, I was done with his lies. I pulled my fist back and let it fall. His body lurched in objection as I felt his rib crack. He was coughing up blood now. Again I pulled my fist back, this time I slammed it into his jaw. His head snapped over and he spat up a few teeth.

“I won't let you do this to me anymore.” I spat.

My fingers curled around his throat. I squeezed with all I had, but the blood loss was getting to me. His eyes began to fade as he fought to get me off of him, losing strength with every passing second. His sputtering and desperate silent whimpers grew weaker, and I knew it was almost over.

A sharp and thunderous crack shot through the silent parking lot. Then a second, and a third. I turned over to see the motel owner, rifle shouldered, lining up his sights. I threw the man out from under me and tried to run as best I could, but my body was giving out. The only thing keeping me going was the anger, the hunger, the curse.

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAND!””

His shout was followed by a fourth gunshot. This one connected. The bullet ripped through my leg and I collapsed immediately. The searing pain tore me from my newfound strength  in an instant. The dull ache of my broken shoulder turned into a scream, and the sharp sting from my cloak of lacerations became all too apparent.

As I came crashing to the earth I couldn’t help but scream. It sounded normal this time, my voice was mine again. I stayed conscious just enough to hear the blaring sirens down the road, and then I blacked out.

Next thing I remember, I was handcuffed to a hospital bed, waking up to a battered, slouched, sorry excuse for a man in a cowboy hat staring directly at me, cigarette lit in his mouth.

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 2 days ago

I have schizophrenia, but i think one of my hallucinations might be real (Pt.2)

My mom tried her best to act like she wasn't disappointed when she found out. I begged the teachers not to tell her, but of course they had to.

 No matter how many times she told me that she wasn't disappointed, I heard it in how she talked about me to the rest of the family.. She still loved me; I was sure of that, but I wasn't the golden child anymore. I was so scared my friends would find out that I had hallucinations. I was terrified that they would think I was weird or that their parents wouldn’t let us play anymore because I was crazy, so I never told anyone else about it. 

I didn’t see the man for a very long time after the incident on the playground. I would hear the familiar rustling along the edge of the trees, but when I turned to look, he was never there. 

Eventually people started to notice and comment on my odd behavior, so I tried my best to ignore it, fighting myself not to search for the man who wasn’t there. After I started ignoring him, the rustling seemed to be everywhere. It surrounded me, enveloping me as if he wanted me to know he was always there, targeting me.

At first it was only at recess; my friends and I would be playing tag when the gentle whispering of disturbed leaves followed me as our game moved up and down the blacktop. 

It did this for weeks, taunting me, shadowing me, begging me to stop and look for him. But it only ever happened at recess; when the bell rang to go back to class, it would stop.

Until one day. 

It was the perfect, picturesque sunny springtime afternoon, and Mrs. Reynolds had opened the windows to let some fresh air into the classroom. As I sat in the back of the class trying to focus on the lecture instead of the clock– then I heard it. That familiar, maddening, rustling. Right outside the window, just once. The sound cut through the typical classroom din like a bone saw. I knew that if I turned and looked, he would be there, but I knew I couldn't look. I felt his eyes burning into the side of my head as I fought myself to stare forward, pretending to focus on the lesson. 

It felt like hours, listening to Mrs. Reynolds drone on about fractions as I felt his sickening presence pressed up against me. I couldn't take it anymore; I excused myself to the bathroom, locked myself in the corner stall, and cried until the next period. 

From then on, I sat as far away from any windows as I could. He started following me from class to class whenever it was nice outside. He knew that the teachers would leave their windows open on days like that, and even sitting as far away as I could, I would still hear it. Every. Single. Time.  

Whenever that happened, I spent the rest of class staring straight forward, trying to ignore his suffocating presence. It felt like the whole world would turn into numb static as his gaze bore into the back of my head.

I started to get “sick” more often, desperately trying to stay home from school. I never felt him at home, never heard the rustling from my backyard or felt his stare when I sat in my living room. The hallucinations seemed to be trapped at school; my house became an oasis, a respite from the man who wasn't there. 

He stalked me like a lion stalks a gazelle at school all day, hunting me from class to class and especially at recess. My day never went by without me hearing him rustle the treeline at recess; sometimes I would think I saw something hiding in the shadows at the corner of my vision. Rarely did I entertain my paranoia, but on the rare occasion I allowed myself to look, nothing was ever there. 

Every time I did this, it further solidified in my mind that I must be hallucinating, that there was no man, there was no rustling sound, that the eyes I felt weren’t there. It was the only way to make sense of it all.

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 14 days ago

I have schizophrenia, but i think one of my hallucinations might be real. (Pt.2)

My mom tried her best to act like she wasn't disappointed when she found out. I begged the teachers not to tell her, but of course they had to.

 No matter how many times she told me that she wasn't disappointed, I heard it in how she talked about me to the rest of the family.. She still loved me; I was sure of that, but I wasn't the golden child anymore. I was so scared my friends would find out that I had hallucinations. I was terrified that they would think I was weird or that their parents wouldn’t let us play anymore because I was crazy, so I never told anyone else about it. 

I didn’t see the man for a very long time after the incident on the playground. I would hear the familiar rustling along the edge of the trees, but when I turned to look, he was never there. 

Eventually people started to notice and comment on my odd behavior, so I tried my best to ignore it, fighting myself not to search for the man who wasn’t there. After I started ignoring him, the rustling seemed to be everywhere. It surrounded me, enveloping me as if he wanted me to know he was always there, targeting me.

At first it was only at recess; my friends and I would be playing tag when the gentle whispering of disturbed leaves followed me as our game moved up and down the blacktop. 

It did this for weeks, taunting me, shadowing me, begging me to stop and look for him. But it only ever happened at recess; when the bell rang to go back to class, it would stop.

Until one day. 

It was the perfect, picturesque sunny springtime afternoon, and Mrs. Reynolds had opened the windows to let some fresh air into the classroom. As I sat in the back of the class trying to focus on the lecture instead of the clock– then I heard it. That familiar, maddening, rustling. Right outside the window, just once. The sound cut through the typical classroom din like a bone saw. I knew that if I turned and looked, he would be there, but I knew I couldn't look. I felt his eyes burning into the side of my head as I fought myself to stare forward, pretending to focus on the lesson. 

It felt like hours, listening to Mrs. Reynolds drone on about fractions as I felt his sickening presence pressed up against me. I couldn't take it anymore; I excused myself to the bathroom, locked myself in the corner stall, and cried until the next period. 

From then on, I sat as far away from any windows as I could. He started following me from class to class whenever it was nice outside. He knew that the teachers would leave their windows open on days like that, and even sitting as far away as I could, I would still hear it. Every. Single. Time.  

Whenever that happened, I spent the rest of class staring straight forward, trying to ignore his suffocating presence. It felt like the whole world would turn into numb static as his gaze bore into the back of my head.

I started to get “sick” more often, desperately trying to stay home from school. I never felt him at home, never heard the rustling from my backyard or felt his stare when I sat in my living room. The hallucinations seemed to be trapped at school; my house became an oasis, a respite from the man who wasn't there. 

He stalked me like a lion stalks a gazelle at school all day, hunting me from class to class and especially at recess. My day never went by without me hearing him rustle the treeline at recess; sometimes I would think I saw something hiding in the shadows at the corner of my vision. Rarely did I entertain my paranoia, but on the rare occasion I allowed myself to look, nothing was ever there. 

Every time I did this, it further solidified in my mind that I must be hallucinating, that there was no man, there was no rustling sound, that the eyes I felt weren’t there. It was the only way to make sense of it all.

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 14 days ago

I have schizophrenia, but i think one of my hallucinations might be real. (Pt.2)

My mom tried her best to act like she wasn't disappointed when she found out. I begged the teachers not to tell her, but of course they had to.

 No matter how many times she told me that she wasn't disappointed, I heard it in how she talked about me to the rest of the family.. She still loved me; I was sure of that, but I wasn't the golden child anymore. I was so scared my friends would find out that I had hallucinations. I was terrified that they would think I was weird or that their parents wouldn’t let us play anymore because I was crazy, so I never told anyone else about it. 

I didn’t see the man for a very long time after the incident on the playground. I would hear the familiar rustling along the edge of the trees, but when I turned to look, he was never there. 

Eventually people started to notice and comment on my odd behavior, so I tried my best to ignore it, fighting myself not to search for the man who wasn’t there. After I started ignoring him, the rustling seemed to be everywhere. It surrounded me, enveloping me as if he wanted me to know he was always there, targeting me.

At first it was only at recess; my friends and I would be playing tag when the gentle whispering of disturbed leaves followed me as our game moved up and down the blacktop. 

It did this for weeks, taunting me, shadowing me, begging me to stop and look for him. But it only ever happened at recess; when the bell rang to go back to class, it would stop.

Until one day. 

It was the perfect, picturesque sunny springtime afternoon, and Mrs. Reynolds had opened the windows to let some fresh air into the classroom. As I sat in the back of the class trying to focus on the lecture instead of the clock– then I heard it. That familiar, maddening, rustling. Right outside the window, just once. The sound cut through the typical classroom din like a bone saw. I knew that if I turned and looked, he would be there, but I knew I couldn't look. I felt his eyes burning into the side of my head as I fought myself to stare forward, pretending to focus on the lesson. 

It felt like hours, listening to Mrs. Reynolds drone on about fractions as I felt his sickening presence pressed up against me. I couldn't take it anymore; I excused myself to the bathroom, locked myself in the corner stall, and cried until the next period. 

From then on, I sat as far away from any windows as I could. He started following me from class to class whenever it was nice outside. He knew that the teachers would leave their windows open on days like that, and even sitting as far away as I could, I would still hear it. Every. Single. Time.  

Whenever that happened, I spent the rest of class staring straight forward, trying to ignore his suffocating presence. It felt like the whole world would turn into numb static as his gaze bore into the back of my head.

I started to get “sick” more often, desperately trying to stay home from school. I never felt him at home, never heard the rustling from my backyard or felt his stare when I sat in my living room. The hallucinations seemed to be trapped at school; my house became an oasis, a respite from the man who wasn't there. 

He stalked me like a lion stalks a gazelle at school all day, hunting me from class to class and especially at recess. My day never went by without me hearing him rustle the treeline at recess; sometimes I would think I saw something hiding in the shadows at the corner of my vision. Rarely did I entertain my paranoia, but on the rare occasion I allowed myself to look, nothing was ever there. 

Every time I did this, it further solidified in my mind that I must be hallucinating, that there was no man, there was no rustling sound, that the eyes I felt weren’t there. It was the only way to make sense of it all.

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 14 days ago

I have schizophrenia, but i think on of my hallucinations might be real. (Pt.2)

My mom tried her best to act like she wasn't disappointed when she found out. I begged the teachers not to tell her, but of course they had to.

No matter how many times she told me that she wasn't disappointed, I heard it in how she talked about me to the rest of the family.. She still loved me; I was sure of that, but I wasn't the golden child anymore. I was so scared my friends would find out that I had hallucinations. I was terrified that they would think I was weird or that their parents wouldn’t let us play anymore because I was crazy, so I never told anyone else about it. 

I didn’t see the man for a very long time after the incident on the playground. I would hear the familiar rustling along the edge of the trees, but when I turned to look, he was never there. 

Eventually people started to notice and comment on my odd behavior, so I tried my best to ignore it, fighting myself not to search for the man who wasn’t there. After I started ignoring him, the rustling seemed to be everywhere. It surrounded me, enveloping me as if he wanted me to know he was always there, targeting me.

At first it was only at recess; my friends and I would be playing tag when the gentle whispering of disturbed leaves followed me as our game moved up and down the blacktop. 

It did this for weeks, taunting me, shadowing me, begging me to stop and look for him. But it only ever happened at recess; when the bell rang to go back to class, it would stop.

Until one day. 

It was the perfect, picturesque sunny springtime afternoon, and Mrs. Reynolds had opened the windows to let some fresh air into the classroom. As I sat in the back of the class trying to focus on the lecture instead of the clock– then I heard it. That familiar, maddening, rustling. Right outside the window, just once. The sound cut through the typical classroom din like a bone saw. I knew that if I turned and looked, he would be there, but I knew I couldn't look. I felt his eyes burning into the side of my head as I fought myself to stare forward, pretending to focus on the lesson. 

It felt like hours, listening to Mrs. Reynolds drone on about fractions as I felt his sickening presence pressed up against me. I couldn't take it anymore; I excused myself to the bathroom, locked myself in the corner stall, and cried until the next period. 

From then on, I sat as far away from any windows as I could. He started following me from class to class whenever it was nice outside. He knew that the teachers would leave their windows open on days like that, and even sitting as far away as I could, I would still hear it. Every. Single. Time.  

Whenever that happened, I spent the rest of class staring straight forward, trying to ignore his suffocating presence. It felt like the whole world would turn into numb static as his gaze bore into the back of my head.

I started to get “sick” more often, desperately trying to stay home from school. I never felt him at home, never heard the rustling from my backyard or felt his stare when I sat in my living room. The hallucinations seemed to be trapped at school; my house became an oasis, a respite from the man who wasn't there. 

He stalked me like a lion stalks a gazelle at school all day, hunting me from class to class and especially at recess. My day never went by without me hearing him rustle the treeline at recess; sometimes I would think I saw something hiding in the shadows at the corner of my vision. Rarely did I entertain my paranoia, but on the rare occasion I allowed myself to look, nothing was ever there. 

Every time I did this, it further solidified in my mind that I must be hallucinating, that there was no man, there was no rustling sound, that the eyes I felt weren’t there. It was the only way to make sense of it all.

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 14 days ago

I have schizophrenia, but i think one of my hallucinations might be real. (Part 1)

My family has a long history of schizophrenia. Starting with my great, great, great grandmother all of the women in my family have struggled with it, to a greater or lesser extent. All of them except for me, or so my mother thought. When she took me to get tested as a little girl it was supposed to be a formality, but the results came back that my brain waves weren’t showing any signs of schizophrenia. From then on I was the golden child, the miracle, mom was so proud that her daughter had freed the family of its curse. That's why I didn’t tell her when I started to see him, the man that wasn’t there. 

The first time I saw him was on the way to school in the sixth grade. I remember it was the first day, the neighbor kids and I were joking around, walking together as we had done years prior. Our school had decided to put a big ‘Welcome Back’ banner above the main entrance, which was new. It was while we passed the playground, I heard a slight rustling coming from the woods around the school. When I turned to look I saw him. A tall, thin man, standing at the edge of the trees on the other side of the blacktop. I couldn't really see his face, he was standing in the shadows and half covered by low hanging branches and shrubbery, but I knew he was staring at us, I could feel his eyes following us as we walked across the playground. I called out to my friends ahead of me;

“Hey Guys! Look!”

I turned back to point out the man to my friends, but he wasn’t there. Just as fast as he had appeared, he was gone again. I stumbled over some half-baked cover up, still trying to process the weirdness of it all, when I heard the bell ring. The fear of being late and getting in trouble on my first day far outweighed any other feeling at that moment and I ran inside.

I decided not to tell anyone what I saw, but at recess I would look for him again. If he was there, I would tell somebody. And if he disappeared again, then I was hallucinating. The rest of the morning was spent anxiously watching the clock. I couldn't wait to get back out there and look for him, I had to know if I was crazy. Finally the recess bell rang, I nearly knocked my desk over as I bolted for the classroom door, desperate for answers. I frantically scanned the treeline, eyes darting back and forth for any evidence of the man but I couldn't find anything. Just as I was about to give up I heard it, the same rustling sound that he made this morning, coming from behind me. I spun around as fast as I could and there he was, watching from the shadows at the edge of the trees, just like this morning. I saw him before he saw me, he was watching us play on the playground. I remember thinking that if he was real, it was odd how perfectly still he was standing. I stared at him, he was a lot closer to us this time so I was trying to see any details, any features at all, but there was nothing, I could barely make out his silhouette. I don’t know how long I stared at him but eventually he turned, so slowly, to look back at me, and I wondered if he could feel my eyes like I felt his. We stared at each other for a moment, and I was overwhelmed with this feeling of profound wrongness. Everything about the man was wrong. He stood so still, so incredibly still, and he stared too intently with sharp eyes that weren't there. I knew he was staring at me, I could feel his eyes tracing my body, but no matter how hard I looked I couldn’t see them. When I realized it, it felt like my heart stopped. For a moment I was completely frozen, locked in abject terror, the sounds of the playground started to melt away and all I could do was stare back at the man who wasn’t there, as the eyes he didn’t have stared back at me. I fought to turn around, silently screaming at unmoving legs to get away from whatever this thing was. I took one small step, it felt like my legs were encased in a thick lead coating, but with each step I took it sloughed off until eventually I was sprinting for a teacher. When I finally found one I tried to explain what happened, though I’m sure I sounded insane describing through tears and heavy, out-of-breath, gasping that I saw a man without eyes and he was standing too still and staring at me. Still the teacher indulged me, and walked over to where the man was standing. He wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t there. I broke down and sobbed, the doctors were wrong. I had the family curse, I was hallucinating, I was crazy.
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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 17 days ago

I have schizophrenia, but i think one of my hallucinations might be real. (Part 1)

My family has a long history of schizophrenia. Starting with my great, great, great grandmother all of the women in my family have struggled with it, to a greater or lesser extent. All of them except for me, or so my mother thought. When she took me to get tested as a little girl it was supposed to be a formality, but the results came back that my brain waves weren’t showing any signs of schizophrenia. From then on I was the golden child, the miracle, mom was so proud that her daughter had freed the family of its curse. That's why I didn’t tell her when I started to see him, the man that wasn’t there. 

The first time I saw him was on the way to school in the sixth grade. I remember it was the first day, the neighbor kids and I were joking around, walking together as we had done years prior. Our school had decided to put a big ‘Welcome Back’ banner above the main entrance, which was new. It was while we passed the playground, I heard a slight rustling coming from the woods around the school. When I turned to look I saw him. A tall, thin man, standing at the edge of the trees on the other side of the blacktop. I couldn't really see his face, he was standing in the shadows and half covered by low hanging branches and shrubbery, but I knew he was staring at us, I could feel his eyes following us as we walked across the playground. I called out to my friends ahead of me;

“Hey Guys! Look!”

I turned back to point out the man to my friends, but he wasn’t there. Just as fast as he had appeared, he was gone again. I stumbled over some half-baked cover up, still trying to process the weirdness of it all, when I heard the bell ring. The fear of being late and getting in trouble on my first day far outweighed any other feeling at that moment and I ran inside.

I decided not to tell anyone what I saw, but at recess I would look for him again. If he was there, I would tell somebody. And if he disappeared again, then I was hallucinating. The rest of the morning was spent anxiously watching the clock. I couldn't wait to get back out there and look for him, I had to know if I was crazy. Finally the recess bell rang, I nearly knocked my desk over as I bolted for the classroom door, desperate for answers. I frantically scanned the treeline, eyes darting back and forth for any evidence of the man but I couldn't find anything. Just as I was about to give up I heard it, the same rustling sound that he made this morning, coming from behind me. I spun around as fast as I could and there he was, watching from the shadows at the edge of the trees, just like this morning. I saw him before he saw me, he was watching us play on the playground. I remember thinking that if he was real, it was odd how perfectly still he was standing. I stared at him, he was a lot closer to us this time so I was trying to see any details, any features at all, but there was nothing, I could barely make out his silhouette. I don’t know how long I stared at him but eventually he turned, so slowly, to look back at me, and I wondered if he could feel my eyes like I felt his. We stared at each other for a moment, and I was overwhelmed with this feeling of profound wrongness. Everything about the man was wrong. He stood so still, so incredibly still, and he stared too intently with sharp eyes that weren't there. I knew he was staring at me, I could feel his eyes tracing my body, but no matter how hard I looked I couldn’t see them. When I realized it, it felt like my heart stopped. For a moment I was completely frozen, locked in abject terror, the sounds of the playground started to melt away and all I could do was stare back at the man who wasn’t there, as the eyes he didn’t have stared back at me. I fought to turn around, silently screaming at unmoving legs to get away from whatever this thing was. I took one small step, it felt like my legs were encased in a thick lead coating, but with each step I took it sloughed off until eventually I was sprinting for a teacher. When I finally found one I tried to explain what happened, though I’m sure I sounded insane describing through tears and heavy, out-of-breath, gasping that I saw a man without eyes and he was standing too still and staring at me. Still the teacher indulged me, and walked over to where the man was standing. He wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t there. I broke down and sobbed, the doctors were wrong. I had the family curse, I was hallucinating, I was crazy.
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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 17 days ago

The Journal of Ivan Mikhailov

The following are the final journal entries of Ivan Mikhailov, a soldier involved in the 1939 Russian invasion of Finland, translated into English.

29 November, 1939

Captain Aleshkovsky told us they’re shipping us off to Finland now; something about protecting Leningrad. I don't know what the hell Finland has to do with Leningrad, but I just do what they tell me. I only hope we don’t push all the way to Varkaus. I have an uncle who lives there, and I would prefer not to bury more of my family. They’ve split us scouts up into units of about ten to venture through the forests and mountains more discreetly until we can find somewhere to build a more permanent encampment. We arrive in two days, which means I’m sleeping on a train again. God, I’m sick of these trains; the constant rumbling of the tracks ingrains itself in the back of one's mind, making sleep nearly impossible. Still, anything is better than being back in the trenches. I’m told that my unit will be only the second one to leave, and that the first unit is there now, setting up a temporary base camp before leaving when we arrive in the morning. I pray for their safety and for the success of the mission, and that I may get some sleep tonight.

30 November, 1939

We arrived in Finland early this morning. The sun was barely up, but the first unit insisted on starting into the wooded mountains as soon as we arrived. After waiting at camp for a few hours as planned, we tried to follow their tracks, but by midday, the heavy snowfall had made their bootprints nearly invisible. By evening, there were no signs of the first unit left. The wind in these forests is piercing and spiteful, yet strangely quiet. It's as if the land itself is lashing out in silent fury at our presence. Sitting here by the fire, I am still filled with an awful coldness that seems to seep through my coat and down to my bones. I fear we are ill-equipped for the harshness of the Finnish winter, but I am thankful for the quiet of the forest. The hushed rustling of leaves and occasional chirping of birds is a welcome change from the train’s ceaseless rumbling. We continue our expedition in the morning, hopefully we can find a sign of the first unit’s survival.

1 December, 1939

We found the first unit’s camp, completely abandoned. The fire was left smoldering from the night before, and the tents and rations were all there, too. We even found someone's bible left half-open in the snow. The trees around the campsite were splintered and marred, as if ravaged by some great beast, sap flowing like blood from the angry wound. One of the tents was left in a similar state of ruin, with a trail of stark crimson leading into the woods. We found the body about a hundred yards out. He was a young man, couldn’t have been older than 20, covered in deep wounds and missing an arm. Even in death, his eyes were locked in abject terror, a look of dread beyond any of which I had seen in the trenches. We buried him as best we could, but the frozen land and unyielding cold made any proper respects impossible. We followed the bootprints of his comrades, trying desperately to find anything that could hint at their survival, but as the sun left its midday post and began to disappear over the horizon, the feeling of hope went with it. The forest feels quieter tonight, as if the whisper of the wind has joined us in mourning. Nikolai suggested putting some younger brush on the fire, said that maybe we could use the smoke to signal to the first unit, or the third which was supposed to have left this morning if we had counted our days right. Dmitryi, a man wise far beyond his years and more experienced than the rest of us, warned that we may attract the attention of the enemy as well. I saw on the faces of our men that the prospect of a quick death at the hands of the Finnish seemed like a welcome gift compared to starving or freezing to death, or whatever terrible thing had destroyed the first unit’s campsite and left with the young man’s arm.

2 December, 1939

We continued through the forest today, but with an uncharacteristic vigor. I think we clung to the idea that maybe we could find and save the first unit, even though we knew that without tents or rations they had almost certainly died somewhere in these mountains. As we expected we found no signs of life, neither from comrade nor enemy. Still the day was not a complete loss, we found a small crest that could prove a valuable vantage point and wouldn’t require too much felling and marked it on our map. We came across a few small deer, and Nikolai managed to take one. I have never been one to enjoy venison, but the taste compared to our dwindling rations was nothing short of divine. I fear the isolation of the forest may be starting to get to me, as I keep seeing things dart in and out of the shadows from the corner of my eye. I pray that it is only paranoia, but part of me fears that we are being hunted by whatever it is. It feels its eyes on me as I sit here by the fire, hearing its heavy footsteps crunch through the virgin snow. I know the others wouldn’t believe me if I told them, and I find it increasingly difficult to believe myself, but I know that there is something there. Something not of this world.

3 December, 1939
It is only Dmitryi and I now. The others are dead or missing. I couldn’t even see where the shots came from, just heard the faraway crack of a rifle and watched my comrades fall. It all happened when we came upon a large clearing in the early morning. It was flat with hardly any trees, and the nearest hills were far enough away that an enemy force could not reasonably shoot down at an encampment there. It looked perfect, but there was something wrong about it. I couldn't place what it was, perhaps something in the stillness of the place, but it didn’t matter. Before I could say anything Nikolai and another man, whose name I never learned, started off into the clearing. Neither man made it ten steps before being gunned down. Nikolai dropped immediately, blood hemorrhaging from the back of his skull. The second man wavered for a moment and turned back at us before a second shot put him down too. The others ran, abandoning all logic for instinct, and those unlucky few that ran too close to the edge of the clearing were faced with the same fate as Nikolai. In my panic I tried to follow them, but Dmitryi grabbed my pack and threw me to the ground. The sharp cold of the snow against my face as I hit the ground pulled me from my hysteria and I understood what his plan was. Dmitryi had scrambled behind a tree opposite from where our unit was running, and was motioning at me to join him. I took his advice and dove behind the tree next to him, crouched down, and tried to calm my breathing. We must have sat behind those trees for hours, because by the time we decided to head off again the sun had once again passed over us and was now beginning its descent. We hiked in silence toward where we thought base cap was until dusk, and set up our camp under the glowing purple and orange sky. We decided against a fire, better to take our chances with the cold than a bullet Dmitryi said, and ate what little food we had with only our bodies to warm it from being frozen. Dmitryi is asleep, and has been for a few hours now, but I can’t bring myself to lie down. The vision of the men I once called brothers gunned down like rabid  dogs race through my mind. If only I said something, I could have saved them. The forest is silent again, and the perfect stillness makes my guilt all the more crushing.

4 December 1939

That thing returned last night, after I finally managed to wrestle myself to sleep. I heard it, no, I felt it outside my tent last night. I don't know why, but I am certain it was there. The trees were shattered in the same pattern as before, but beyond that the air itself was heavy and uneasy. It's as if the land knows what's coming, that whatever demon is stalking me will undoubtedly kill me, that the only reason I am alive is because it chose to let me live. I can see it in Dmitryi’s face too, that he knows too what's coming the same as the trees know and the wind knows and the snow knows. But there is something more to his face than the forest’s. The forest is sorrowful, it does not wish me to meet such a horrible fate. Dmitryi, however, seems to savor it, he revels in my fear and celebrates my helplessness. I bet the bastard saved me from those snipers just so he could finish his sick game of cat and mouse. I don’t know if he controls the beast or just summons it, for all I know he could himself be the foul thing, but I know he has something to do with this.

6 December 1939
I have made a grave and unforgivable mistake. Yesterday I confronted Dmitryi about the demon he had summoned to kill me. He claimed he had no idea what I was talking about, and assuming he was lying I pulled my rifle on him. He began to swear, on his mother, on his father, on his homeland, on his god, that he had nothing to do with whatever it was that had cursed me. He said he didn’t know why the trees were destroyed around our campsite every morning, and that the creature darting around the corners of my vision had nothing to do with him. I didn’t believe him, I don’t know why. Dmitryi was an honest man, I had no reason to distrust him and he had nothing to gain from tormenting me. I realize this now, but it is far too late. I killed Dmitryi Andreev, shot him twice in the chest and once in the head. The blood spilling out of his unmoving body filled me with such incredible relief that I fell to my knees and  exploded into uproarious laughter. Laughed from deep in my gut and through my entire body. Laughed harder than I had in my entire life. I even went so far as to thank God for my freedom. I truly believed I was saved, if only I had been right. That night the beast came for me. It came for me in spite of Dmitryi’s death. It came for me with such ferocity, such incredible, biblical wrath. The entire earth seemed to tremble as it crashed through the trees and heaved itself at me. It came for me and I knew that such a great and terrible force could not possibly have been controlled by Dmitryi for he was merely man, no different than I. The beast seemed to be made of absolute darkness, a hulking nothing charging through the forest hell-bent on my demise. I shouldered my rifle and fired into the impossible figure. The shadow seemed to warp and absorb the bullets, opening up and swallowing them into the inky black. I turned and ran, my legs ached from days of hiking through heavy snow with every single step, my body screaming at me to just lay down and die, screaming that I could not go any farther, but I ran. Sprinting through the forest I heard that thing following me, gaining on me, I turned to look but as I did I tripped and was thrown forward into a small patch of moonlight. The beast was upon me now and all I could do was look in fear as I watched my death leap at me. And then disappeared. It crashed into the trees behind me, where the moonlight ended. It could not exist in the light, in all of its great and terrible power it could not reach me in the light of the moon. For the second time that day I thanked God, however this time it was through tears instead of laughter. I sat in that patch of moonlight until the sun rose over the mountains, the whole time watching as the beast stalked just outside the confines of my shelter. The guilt of killing Dmitryi weighs heavy on my soul. I doubt I will ever be able to look myself in the eyes again.

7 December 1939

I spent the night in a moonbeam again, waiting for the beast. It never came, or at least I never saw it. I have done nothing but dwell on my sins. All of them. Every single one died because of me, Dmitryi died by my hand. He was a good man. They were all good men. And I killed them. My guilt has contorted itself into rage, my grief into hatred. Hatred of myself, rage against my own depravity. The thought to kill myself was quiet at first. A horrible whisper in the back of my mind. It has grown into a thunderous demand for retribution. I want nothing more than to let myself pull the trigger, to avenge my brothers, to end my suffering. But I fear such an end is far too merciful.

Ivan Mikhailov was found December 29, 1939. The trees surrounding his body were destroyed. He was found covered in deep cuts, and missing an arm.

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 17 days ago

I have schizophrenia, but i think one of my hallucinations might be real.

Part 1
My family has a long history of schizophrenia. Starting with my great, great, great grandmother all of the women in my family have struggled with it, to a greater or lesser extent. All of them except for me, or so my mother thought. When she took me to get tested as a little girl it was supposed to be a formality, but the results came back that my brain waves weren’t showing any signs of schizophrenia. From then on I was the golden child, the miracle, mom was so proud that her daughter had freed the family of its curse. That's why I didn’t tell her when I started to see him, the man that wasn’t there. 

The first time I saw him was on the way to school in the sixth grade. I remember it was the first day, the neighbor kids and I were joking around, walking together as we had done years prior. Our school had decided to put a big ‘Welcome Back’ banner above the main entrance, which was new. It was while we passed the playground, I heard a slight rustling coming from the woods around the school. When I turned to look I saw him. A tall, thin man, standing at the edge of the trees on the other side of the blacktop. I couldn't really see his face, he was standing in the shadows and half covered by low hanging branches and shrubbery, but I knew he was staring at us, I could feel his eyes following us as we walked across the playground. I called out to my friends ahead of me;

“Hey Guys! Look!”

I turned back to point out the man to my friends, but he wasn’t there. Just as fast as he had appeared, he was gone again. I stumbled over some half-baked cover up, still trying to process the weirdness of it all, when I heard the bell ring. The fear of being late and getting in trouble on my first day far outweighed any other feeling at that moment and I ran inside.

I decided not to tell anyone what I saw, but at recess I would look for him again. If he was there, I would tell somebody. And if he disappeared again, then I was hallucinating. The rest of the morning was spent anxiously watching the clock. I couldn't wait to get back out there and look for him, I had to know if I was crazy. Finally the recess bell rang, I nearly knocked my desk over as I bolted for the classroom door, desperate for answers. I frantically scanned the treeline, eyes darting back and forth for any evidence of the man but I couldn't find anything. Just as I was about to give up I heard it, the same rustling sound that he made this morning, coming from behind me. I spun around as fast as I could and there he was, watching from the shadows at the edge of the trees, just like this morning.

I saw him before he saw me, he was watching us play on the playground. I remember thinking that if he was real, it was odd how perfectly still he was standing. I stared at him, he was a lot closer to us this time so I was trying to see any details, any features at all, but there was nothing, I could barely make out his silhouette. I don’t know how long I stared at him but eventually he turned, so slowly, to look back at me, and I wondered if he could feel my eyes like I felt his. We stared at each other for a moment, and I was overwhelmed with this feeling of profound wrongness. Everything about the man was wrong. He stood so still, so incredibly still, and he stared too intently with sharp eyes that weren't there. I knew he was staring at me, I could feel his eyes tracing my body, but no matter how hard I looked I couldn’t see them. When I realized it, it felt like my heart stopped.

For a moment I was completely frozen, locked in abject terror, the sounds of the playground started to melt away and all I could do was stare back at the man who wasn’t there, as the eyes he didn’t have stared back at me. I fought to turn around, silently screaming at my unmoving legs to get away from whatever this thing was. I took one small step, it felt like my legs were encased in a thick lead coating, but with each step I took it sloughed off until eventually I was sprinting for a teacher. When I finally found one I tried to explain what happened, though I’m sure I sounded insane describing through tears and heavy, out-of-breath, gasping that I saw a man without eyes and he was standing too still and staring at me. Still the teacher indulged me, and walked over to where the man was standing. He wasn’t there. Of course he wasn’t there. I broke down and sobbed, the doctors were wrong. I had the family curse, I was hallucinating, I was crazy.

reddit.com
u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 18 days ago

The Journal of Ivan Mikhailov

The following are the final journal entries of Ivan Mikhailov, a soldier involved in the 1939 Russian invasion of Finland, translated into English.

29 November, 1939

Captain Aleshkovsky told us they’re shipping us off to Finland now; something about protecting Leningrad. I don't know what the hell Finland has to do with Leningrad, but I just do what they tell me. I only hope we don’t push all the way to Varkaus. I have an uncle who lives there, and I would prefer not to bury more of my family. They’ve split us scouts up into units of about ten to venture through the forests and mountains more discreetly until we can find somewhere to build a more permanent encampment. We arrive in two days, which means I’m sleeping on a train again. God, I’m sick of these trains; the constant rumbling of the tracks ingrains itself in the back of one's mind, making sleep nearly impossible. Still, anything is better than being back in the trenches. I’m told that my unit will be only the second one to leave, and that the first unit is there now, setting up a temporary base camp before leaving when we arrive in the morning. I pray for their safety and for the success of the mission, and that I may get some sleep tonight.

30 November, 1939

We arrived in Finland early this morning. The sun was barely up, but the first unit insisted on starting into the wooded mountains as soon as we arrived. After waiting at camp for a few hours as planned, we tried to follow their tracks, but by midday, the heavy snowfall had made their bootprints nearly invisible. By evening, there were no signs of the first unit left. The wind in these forests is piercing and spiteful, yet strangely quiet. It's as if the land itself is lashing out in silent fury at our presence. Sitting here by the fire, I am still filled with an awful coldness that seems to seep through my coat and down to my bones. I fear we are ill-equipped for the harshness of the Finnish winter, but I am thankful for the quiet of the forest. The hushed rustling of leaves and occasional chirping of birds is a welcome change from the train’s ceaseless rumbling. We continue our expedition in the morning, hopefully we can find a sign of the first unit’s survival.

1 December, 1939

We found the first unit’s camp, completely abandoned. The fire was left smoldering from the night before, and the tents and rations were all there, too. We even found someone's bible left half-open in the snow. The trees around the campsite were splintered and marred, as if ravaged by some great beast, sap flowing like blood from the angry wound. One of the tents was left in a similar state of ruin, with a trail of stark crimson leading into the woods. We found the body about a hundred yards out. He was a young man, couldn’t have been older than 20, covered in deep wounds and missing an arm. Even in death, his eyes were locked in abject terror, a look of dread beyond any of which I had seen in the trenches. We buried him as best we could, but the frozen land and unyielding cold made any proper respects impossible. We followed the bootprints of his comrades, trying desperately to find anything that could hint at their survival, but as the sun left its midday post and began to disappear over the horizon, the feeling of hope went with it. The forest feels quieter tonight, as if the whisper of the wind has joined us in mourning. Nikolai suggested putting some younger brush on the fire, said that maybe we could use the smoke to signal to the first unit, or the third which was supposed to have left this morning if we had counted our days right. Dmitryi, a man wise far beyond his years and more experienced than the rest of us, warned that we may attract the attention of the enemy as well. I saw on the faces of our men that the prospect of a quick death at the hands of the Finnish seemed like a welcome gift compared to starving or freezing to death, or whatever terrible thing had destroyed the first unit’s campsite and left with the young man’s arm.

2 December, 1939

We continued through the forest today, but with an uncharacteristic vigor. I think we clung to the idea that maybe we could find and save the first unit, even though we knew that without tents or rations they had almost certainly died somewhere in these mountains. As we expected we found no signs of life, neither from comrade nor enemy. Still the day was not a complete loss, we found a small crest that could prove a valuable vantage point and wouldn’t require too much felling and marked it on our map. We came across a few small deer, and Nikolai managed to take one. I have never been one to enjoy venison, but the taste compared to our dwindling rations was nothing short of divine. I fear the isolation of the forest may be starting to get to me, as I keep seeing things dart in and out of the shadows from the corner of my eye. I pray that it is only paranoia, but part of me fear that we are being hunted by whatever it is. It feels its eyes on me as I sit here by the fire, hearing its heavy footsteps crunch through the virgin snow. I know the others wouldn’t believe me if I told them, and I find it increasingly difficult to believe myself, but I know that there is something there. Something not of this world.

3 December, 1939
It is only Dmitryi and I now. The others are dead or missing. I couldn’t even see where the shots came from, just heard the faraway crack of a rifle and watched my comrades fall. It all happened when we came upon a large clearing in the early morning. It was flat with hardly any trees, and the nearest hills were far enough away that an enemy force could not reasonably shoot down at an encampment there. It looked perfect, but there was something wrong about it. I couldn't place what it was, perhaps something in the stillness of the place, but it didn’t matter. Before I could say anything Nikolai and another man, whose name I never learned, started off into the clearing. Neither man made it ten steps before being gunned down. Nikolai dropped immediately, blood hemorrhaging from the back of his skull. The second man wavered for a moment and turned back at us before a second shot put him down too. The others ran, abandoning all logic for instinct, and those unlucky few that ran too close to the edge of the clearing were faced with the same fate as Nikolai. In my panic I tried to follow them, but Dmitryi grabbed my pack and threw me to the ground. The sharp cold of the snow against my face as I hit the ground pulled me from my hysteria and I understood what his plan was. Dmitryi had scrambled behind a tree opposite from where our unit was running, and was motioning at me to join him. I took his advice and dove behind the tree next to him, crouched down, and tried to calm my breathing. We must have sat behind those trees for hours, because by the time we decided to head off again the sun had once again passed over us and was now beginning its descent. We hiked in silence toward where we thought base cap was until dusk, and set up our camp under the glowing purple and orange sky. We decided against a fire, better to take our chances with the cold than a bullet Dmitryi said, and ate what little food we had with only our bodies to warm it from being frozen. Dmitryi is asleep, and has been for a few hours now, but I can’t bring myself to lie down. The vision of the men I once called brothers gunned down like rabid  dogs race through my mind. If only I said something, I could have saved them. The forest is silent again, and the perfect stillness makes my guilt all the more crushing.

4 December 1939

That thing returned last night, after I finally managed to wrestle myself to sleep. I heard it, no, I felt it outside my tent last night. I don't know why, but I am certain it was there. The trees were shattered in the same pattern as before, but beyond that the air itself was heavy and uneasy. It's as if the land knows what's coming, that whatever demon is stalking me will undoubtedly kill me, that the only reason I am alive is because it chose to let me live. I can see it in Dmitryi’s face too, that he knows too what's coming the same as the trees know and the wind knows and the snow knows. But there is something more to his face than the forest’s. The forest is sorrowful, it does not wish me to meet such a horrible fate. Dmitryi, however, seems to savor it, he revels in my fear and celebrates my helplessness. I bet the bastard saved me from those snipers just so he could finish his sick game of cat and mouse. I don’t know if he controls the beast or just summons it, for all I know he could himself be the foul thing, but I know he has something to do with this.

6 December 1939
I have made a grave and unforgivable mistake. Yesterday I confronted Dmitryi about the demon he had summoned to kill me. He claimed he had no idea what I was talking about, and assuming he was lying I pulled my rifle on him. He began to swear, on his mother, on his father, on his homeland, on his god, that he had nothing to do with whatever it was that had cursed me. He said he didn’t know why the trees were destroyed around our campsite every morning, and that the creature darting around the corners of my vision had nothing to do with him. I didn’t believe him, I don’t know why. Dmitryi was an honest man, I had no reason to distrust him and he had nothing to gain from tormenting me. I realize this now, but it is far too late. I killed Dmitryi Andreev, shot him twice in the chest and once in the head. The blood spilling out of his unmoving body filled me with such incredible relief that I fell to my knees and  exploded into uproarious laughter. Laughed from deep in my gut and through my entire body. Laughed harder than I had in my entire life. I even went so far as to thank God for my freedom. I truly believed I was saved, if only I had been right. That night the beast came for me. It came for me in spite of Dmitryi’s death. It came for me with such ferocity, such incredible, biblical wrath. The entire earth seemed to tremble as it crashed through the trees and heaved itself at me. It came for me and I knew that such a great and terrible force could not possibly have been controlled by Dmitryi for he was merely man, no different than I. The beast seemed to be made of absolute darkness, a hulking nothing charging through the forest hell-bent on my demise. I shouldered my rifle and fired into the impossible figure. The shadow seemed to warp and absorb the bullets, opening up and swallowing them into the inky black. I turned and ran, my legs ached from days of hiking through heavy snow with every single step, my body screaming at me to just lay down and die, screaming that I could not go any farther, but I ran. Sprinting through the forest I heard that thing following me, gaining on me, I turned to look but as I did I tripped and was thrown forward into a small patch of moonlight. The beast was upon me now and all I could do was look in fear as I watched my death leap at me. And then disappeared. It crashed into the trees behind me, where the moonlight ended. It could not exist in the light, in all of its great and terrible power it could not reach me in the light of the moon. For the second time that day I thanked God, however this time it was through tears instead of laughter. I sat in that patch of moonlight until the sun rose over the mountains, the whole time watching as the beast stalked just outside the confines of my shelter. The guilt of killing Dmitryi weighs heavy on my soul. I doubt I will ever be able to look myself in the eyes again.

7 December 1939

I spent the night in a moonbeam again, waiting for the beast. It never came, or at least I never saw it. I have done nothing but dwell on my sins. All of them. Every single one died because of me, Dmitryi died by my hand. He was a good man. They were all good men. And I killed them. My guilt has contorted itself into rage, my grief into hatred. Hatred of myself, rage against my own depravity. The thought to kill myself was quiet at first. A horrible whisper in the back of my mind. It has grown into a thunderous demand for retribution. I want nothing more than to let myself pull the trigger, to avenge my brothers, to end my suffering. But I fear such an end is far too merciful.

Ivan Mikhailov was found December 29, 1939. The trees surrounding his body were destroyed. He was found covered in deep cuts, and missing an arm.

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 19 days ago

I'm a brand new author and I need help

I'm brand new to writing, only have 2 (probably not very good) short stories under my belt and am working on a third. I was wondering what are the best places to post my works to get theme seen as a fledgling author?

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 21 days ago

I'm brand new to writing and I need help

I'm brand new to writing, only have 2 (probably not very good) short stories under my belt and am working on a third. I was wondering what are the best places to post my works to get theme seen as a fledgling author?

reddit.com
u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 21 days ago

I'm brand new to writing and I need help

I'm brand new to writing, only have 2 (probably not very good) short stories under my belt and am working on a third. I was wondering what are the best places to post my works to get theme seen as a fledgling author?

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u/Ghost_Of_Hylia — 21 days ago