u/GigglemanEsq

Last night, I had what I would consider my first real PTSD moment related to the MFMC. I was with my best friend and her family, celebrating her mom's birthday. The mom's boyfriend is a singer and had some gospel-type music playing in the background. My friend made a charcuterie cake - basically bread covered in toothpicks of meat and cheese.

I grabbed a toothpick and came away with a little chunk of bread and popped it in my mouth. Something about the size, shape, and texture of the bread made me think of sacrament bread (almost certainly bolstered by hearing organ music at the same time), and suddenly I was 16 years old again, sitting on the stand, terrified of messing up the blessing, feeling the eyes of every person in the chapel on me, knowing I wasn't worthy and that everything was an act and terrified that the bishop would know and would kick me off the stand.

I stood up and walked out, went outside, and just sat there. I was actually struggling to remind myself that I wasn't still there, that I was safe, I was free. I could smell the chapel mustiness and feel the air conditioner right above where the priests sat. My heart was absolutely pounding, and I was sweating. I felt like I was losing my shit. It took me a bit to finally come back and let those sensations wash away.

I've had moments where I really felt the trauma this cult inflicted on me, but never what felt like a full blown PTSD attack. I also don't think I've had any particularly strong reactions to being reminded about the sacrament. Mind you, I'm 38 - I haven't been in a sacrament meeting in about 15 years now. So it feels wild to suddenly have this pop up.

Anyone else experience anything similar and are willing to share? I'm doing okay now, but I wouldn't mind some validation that I'm not just crazy and that other people have experienced this.

I'm a partner, and earlier today one of my associates called me dad. I don't think it was intentional, because they immediately turned bright red and said sorry, and now they've been avoiding me.

But here's where it gets complicated. I'm divorced and almost never see my kids. I'm pretty sure they hate me. So to hear someone call me dad again almost made me burst into tears. It felt so fulfilling.

Is it crossing a boundary to tell my associate that they can call me dad? I mean, I don't view them as my child, even though they do kind of look like one of my kids. Part of me thinks it would be cool to have this whole work family thing going on, and being called dad again will heal my soul. But it might be weird to even bring it up.

I'm so embarrassed.

I would like to submit for consideration my list of the top ten illegal minds working today.

1. Snoop Dogg. Gangsta recognize gangsta. Nuff said.

2. Cardi B. Turning tricks and robbing men is peak illegal thinking.

3. Donald Trump. No one has been more creative or successful in breaking the law. He has the best criminal tactics. Everybody says he knows more about breaking the law than career criminals. He once met a man on death row and they discussed illegal conduct, and the man said you know, after only 3.72 nanoseconds you have understood more about this concept than anyone else. True story.

4. Harrison Ford. No one should be allowed to be that hot and that lacking in fucks to give. His brain is straight up criminal for allowing him to do whatever the fuck he wants.

5. Hugh Jackman. The man is a menace and he must be stopped.

6. Alina Habba. She counts as a top illegal mind because someone tried to jailbreak her brain and bricked it in the process, and she's been malpracticing ever since.

7. Martha Stewart. Snoop's partner in crime. Absolute peak of kitchen criminality, and she steals the spotlight wherever she goes.

8. Taylor Swift. She stole the entirety of football from heterosexual cisgender men. Brilliant. Devious. Evil. Fabulous.

9. ChatGPT. The same level of intuition and intelligence as JD Vance, and comprised entirely of stolen data. A literal illegal mind.

10. Kevin from the file room. He knows why.