u/Gipsydreams

I met him 1,5 years ago. We connected very well but after almost 3 months he said he didn’t want anything serious.
I said ok, have a good life and ended things.
Basically it’s been one and a half year that he keeps coming back in my life. He knows I want a relationship and he also knows I am in love with him and every time I try to stay away from him he finds a way to talk to me again, especially by responding to my stories.
I tried to block him once but i ended up unblocking and I decided not to do this again.
He keeps talking to me everyday, he calls me with video but he never included me in his life.
We’ve been through many cycles where I got completely destroyed by him distancing himself and then telling him“go away” to him coming back and I feeling relieved.
It has become like a drug addiction to me.
The last time, about a month ago, and cried in front of him for the first time and asked to please leave me alone if he can’t be my boyfriend and never talk to me again. And guess what? He texted me again 10 days later and we ended up seeing each other again.. then one more time he made the avoidant and got sad again. I hope this time he won’t come back, I haven’t replied or spoken to him in 10’days.
When I tell people about his they say “oh at least he was sincere”.
Come on. He knew I liked him, he knew he didn’t want a relationship and that I suffered a lot, why he keeps coming back for such a long period of time?
I know I am weak. But I like him, it’s really hard for me to let this go. I tried dating other guys but it never works.
I think I need some advice on what I could do to get rid of him for good and move on. It’s been affecting my life, my job, and even have anxious attacks because of this sometimes.

TLDR; I can’t get out of this situationship of 1,5 years which seems bizarre to me considering how much time has passed. He keeps coming back even though I said I want a boyfriend and I keep accepting him. Are we both sick?