u/GivesuLemons793

G’day.
My name is Zac, I’m 22 with a 5 month old boy, my own business and enough bills that any income I make, disappears within hours. I’ve had depression for close to 7 years now. Lucky to have never had any problems with bullies, although ever since being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in 2016, I’ve been on a slow decline mentally. Since having T1D I’ve had more seizures than birthdays. Each seizure I have no memory of and each time I’m less myself. With everything going on I’ve been diagnosed with symptomatic BPD. Each day I wake up I feel nothing. I look to my right and see my son and girlfriend, yet I feel ‘AFK’. My memory and my personality are slipping. I don’t want death but I don’t, don’t want it either. I’ve never had anyone to talk to in life, even when I have it hasn’t ever helped to talk to a stranger. I just feel so lost, like I’m just here. Never seen a future for myself as I’ve sub consciously accepted, I am to die young. No I don’t have emotion. None. Any laughter or joy feels forced. I have moments of peace when I look into my son’s eyes, but it quickly disappears when he crys. Where am I to go from here? What am I to do.

I feel, I’m out of options.