u/Glittering-Shoe-3162

i cannot accept my past. even if i had it all right now, i cannot accept that i'll not go back when i was 20 and live a normal life as my peers. Meaning, finding love, studying, achieving things like normal people do. everybody knows about manifesting, and my suffering don't make it special for me about finding the law. i feel anger and resentment toward the type of parents i had, with their own trauma, and me living like a traumatised animal in the house. i cant get past this. revise the past will maybe make me neutral about past experiences, but being twenty and eager and soo positive about life.... i feel like i dont have it in me to be happy

im thirty one years old, and for more than fifteen years. i had extreme startle response. I remember being in tuition class with 70 students., a truck made a sudden loud noise, and i was the only one like a crazy person. I even react when a child of 3 years old is immune to sudden noise.

with introspection, i realised it was because of my father yelling so loud suddenly when i said something wrong. i remember one time, our family of four was in the living room watching tv, said something wrong, and he yelled. my response was freeeze in shock, body stuck, and trying to not move, not take a breath, because i was afraid.

my mother denies that she lived in fear of her husband. my sister has a good job, but inside the house, she's always just in her room, away from the father.

the first time i had a warm feeling was when i was around 23, when the cat of the family laid his head on my chest. it's what i was missing and craving from a real family.

what helped you when you realised you had trauma? was it breathwork, meditation..?