u/Glittering-Web-3548

I’ve been working on a fictional novel that’s heavily rooted in my own experiences with religious trauma (and a lot of the other heavy baggage that came with it). Even though it’s technically fiction, every single character in the story deals with spiritual trauma and control in some way, mirroring what I and so many real people in my life have walked through.
I knew this project would be a challenge, but I didn't expect how intense the process would actually be. On one hand, getting it all out on paper has been incredibly cathartic. On the other hand, it can be really triggering.
Typing out these scenes is forcing me to look at my past through a completely different lens. I’m noticing patterns and realizing things about what I went through that never clicked while I was actually living it. So many disconnected dots are finally linking up, and it’s hitting me in ways I didn't anticipate.
It’s emotionally exhausting, but seeing the truth laid out in front of me makes it feel entirely worth it.
To any other writers out there tackling heavy, personal themes: how do you balance the emotional toll with the momentum to keep writing?

I’d been getting into Kabbalah lately, and it really boosted my mood for a few days.
I was raised Pentecostal, then transitioned to non-denominational, then left the church, got into Buddhism, then witchcraft, then Christianity again, now Kabbalah.
After being reminded that Christians are generally horrible people (my personal experience, not a fact) and most hold opposing political views than I (and claim God told them their views were right 🙄), I’ve somehow found my way to Kabbalah. I wouldn’t say I’m practicing. I’d say I’m a student. For a few days (it’s been about a week), my mood has been boosted. I’ve felt awesome. Kabbalah really started to make me feel alive again. I started to feel things.
I went to church today with a friend and was instantly reminded about how horrible (I believe) Christians are. The guest pastor went off on a disgusting political rant.
There was a sense of… unraveling? Idk. My mood was ruined. My loved ones (family and friends) all belong to these political and spiritual groups. I am finding that I don’t.
These feeling of being an “odd duck out” has deepened my depression. It feels like I have no one to talk to and I’m walking through life profoundly misunderstood. I’ve found it hard to find joy in life. I’ve only been finding loneliness and anger.
I’d like to be happy again, and I’d like for it to last.

I am penning my first official book. I’ve written others, but couldn’t finish them. This one is getting close to the finish line. I’m writing a fictional book based on my actual experience of dating a 26 year old when I was 16. I was forced to be a caretaker of my siblings from the time that I was 15 because my mom abandoned the family and had a psychotic meltdown. During that time, an older manager at work pursued me, started a relationship with me and pressured me to sleep with him (I didn’t). He was an addict and he introduced me to the world of addiction (though I didn’t partake) and the horror that comes with it. The story ends with him getting another woman pregnant, her getting an abortion behind his back which destroyed him, and me being there for him despite everything. The relationship sort of dissolved after all of that, once I realized that I couldn’t be everything for everyone. I started to break away from everyone.

Is this is a story that anyone would want to read? Who would the target audience be? The genre? I had written a draft in which I made it into a ghost story once. That was kinda cool. Any advice or thoughts are welcome.