u/Glittering_Equal3286

… was really bad and disappointing.

Hey guys,

This is my first post on reddit where I open up about my past experiences and feelings around my sexual journey. Before I get into it, I would highly appreciate it if we could keep things respectful and at a gentle distance, since I tend to be very sensitive and take things to heart easily.

I am someone whose perception by others always gave me the label „closeted gay“ or „not fully come to terms with his sexuality gay“ by peers as well as members of the predominantly gay community.
Since middle school, I‘ve always felt that the term gay never entirely captured my truth—that there was a piece of the story lost in simplifying my being with the use of it.

Yet, I find myself questioning my reasoning constantly. I am a 29-yo man and I tend to prefer homosexual exchanges, but have found that certain women can very much touch my sexuality in ways man can‘t. However, my only kisses, cuddles and sex have been with men and I tend to show more interest towards them with rare crushes on women. I understand very well that I, as does anyone else, have my right to my own sexual journey and that labels can and should change according to what makes me feel the most whole with myself; but I think many of you can understand when I say that cognitive comprehension does not necessarily align with the state of one‘s inner feelings.

I feel, as though there is really no way to express myself without being misunderstood or having my self-proclaimed bisexuality doubted and I’m honestly just tired by now. I still, apart from my intensive efforts, have not made any significant progress to a point where I feel complete and seen with my own identity and I sadly lack the self-confidence to not care too much about it. On top of that I stem from a homophobic culture and have a difficult family with a list of other issues which always limited my personal sand box to explore myself freely.

Thank you very dearly for taking your time to read through my words of desperation. I would love to hear your thoughts and emotions on this and maybe some of you might have some insight, I have actually not considered, yet. I wish you guys a beautiful day —see you in the comments! :)