u/Glittering_Force4212

My mom is extremely christian and we grew up in a strict christian household. My sister and I are both in our early 30s now. I am now an atheist and my sister is mostly agnostic but kind of goes back and forth on believing a deity (as in believes a God or higher power could potentially exist but no longer adheres to a specific religion - sorry if that definition for being agnostic is wrong in any way).

I'm married with 3 kids and live a very white picket fence life, my husband and I work full time jobs. We live in a different city than my sister and mom.

My sister lives alone in a small plain apartment (a studio with just a bed, kitchen appliances and a basic bathroom. She is diagnosed with OCD (diagnosed 3 separate times) and she takes medication for it. There's a tiny build in closet and she keeps 2 sets of clothing, plain beige trousers, and a plain beige blouse. She wears those all of the time, rotating out/washing a set each day so she's constantly wearing clean clothes. She doesn't like to have any furniture, appliances, or items because it's more for her to clean and worry about (tv, books, couch, etc...) She spends hours every day scrubbing the floors and walls, and washing her hands. She also checks that her door and window are locked and appliances not in use are unplugged and fire alarm/CO detector are working. Over and over again. She also has to have things even. She's on disability (please no comments about this) and spends literally all of her waking hours either doing rituals or fixating on intrusive thoughts.

She also struggles with the intrusive thoughts aspect of OCD. I won't get into details, I'm sure you guys can imagine: but largely about young kids, small animals, and elderly people. She is terrified of them and won't leave her house because she's scared of seeing them and it triggering an intrusive thought. So she has no romantic life, no friends, and she only talks to me and my mom. She also has expressed having a really hard time lately battling these intrusive thoughts. She said she's trying a method her psychotherapist recommended to "give in" to the intrusive thoughts that will NOT impact others in any way. Like she saw an elderly man while throwing out the trash, she had a thought like "Am I attracted to him? What's wrong with me? He's 90 years old ffs." and she'll "give in" by doing a kegel and proving she feels "nothing" sexual and she is in fact not attracted to him. Her psychotherapist has suggested doing this as a way of realizing her thoughts aren't actions, and she doesn't want to think them. And if it's all internalized then it's not going to hurt others, the world isn't going to end. (She feels that impending doom sensation when trying to ignore intrusive thoughts or not do rituals.)

However, this has made my sister spiral even worse. Since that incident happened, she's been hysterical about it. Saying doing the kegel means she was attracted to him and something is wrong with her and she must secretly want to be a gold digger. She goes over the scenario over and over and over again and obsesses about it. She's been taking meds and seeing a psychiatrist and psychotherapist for years now but she's been an absolute disaster lately. She's hallucinating birds flying around her room, and hearing people say her name when no one is around. This culminated in her seeing our childhood (dead) pets. She's become delusional and I don't know what to do.

She has always had issues with her mental health, since we were kids, though she wasn't diagnosed then. But this is the worst it's ever been. She's been reaching out to me and my mom every day and my mom is using religion to basically try and convince my sister she isn't mentally ill but possessed. Going as far as to say taking her psych meds is wrong because it's showing God she doesn't have faith in his healing. This is making my sister break down even more, she's conflicted about her beliefs and religion, but in this delusional state she's succumbing to my mom shoving religion down her throat. I'm genuinely scared for her and I don't know how to help, I'm not sure if she's taking her meds - she won't tell me. And I guess she isn't seeing her psych team anymore according to my mom. I spoke to my mom and told her she needs to stop pressuring my sister in that way. And she told me she's the parent, not me, and she will do what she feels is right by God. I'm angry. I want to block my mom and go no contact with her. I feel like my sister might not make it through this and can't help but feel my mom is partially responsible. AIO?

*censored sister's name*

screenshot is between my sister and mom, my sister sent it to me.

ETA: after reading the comments I just want to reiterate my sister's intrusive thoughts are just that: thoughts. They are not wants or desires or things she aspires to. She's terrified and traumatized by them. She has no history of violence or sexually inappropriate behavior towards others (violence towards herself - yes, but I won't comment much on that because of reddit being strict about the subject). She would never hurt someone else.... We've talked in family sessions with her psychotherapist and her psych team does NOT think she's a danger to society.

Edit 2: Some people are suggesting I let my sister come stay with me if I have a spare room. We do have a guestroom but I have a small dog and young children, so that would not be feasible even if I wanted to do that - which I don't. Others are suggesting I go over to her city and get her admitted. Honestly, I really don't want to see her in person. Call me selfish, that's fine. But her ritualistic behavior freaks me out. She's like a zombie doing things constantly on repeat.

Last time I visited her place she made us a simple rice and glazed salmon. Guys, when I tell you it was a whole thing, it really was. She washed her hands at least 30 times, no exaggeration. She has contamination fears, and not just things like salmonella or ecoli, but she's scared she touched her phone after showering and cleaning her private parts. And then her phone is now "contaminated" by her private parts. Even if she cleans the phone (she doesn't know how clean it really is). So if she touches her phone to check the recipe? She has to thoroughly wash her hands and arms, like a surgeon scrubbing in. We learnt as kids in school you should wash your hand for the length of two "happy birthday" songs. So she will sing that aloud while washing her hands. Every time. She has the usual salmonella, ecoli, etc... fears too, which is more justifiable. But it gets worse. She opened the fridge to get some carrots she wanted to grate into the rice. She washed her hands first, but then opened the fridge and grabbed the carrot. Then she had a mental breakdown about it because the night before she grabbed a yogurt from the fridge after handling her phone without washing, so the fridge handle was then "contaminated with private parts" - I'm not even kidding. So then she wouldn't use that carrot at all, tossed it. Cried and cried about it.

Then the rice, oh my God, the rice. She was washing the rice with her clean hands and her hand accidentally touched the faucet and she didn't pull away and the hand went back under the rice. She was worried about the harsh cleaning products used on the faucet (even though rinsed off when cleaning) would make the rice poisonous somehow, she dumped the whole thing and started over. My sister isn't dumb, she knows logically things don't work they way, but her ocd is very very very like "but what if it does??" By the end of it, she used every kitchen cloth in her kitchen drying her hands because they can only be used once before they are "contaminated" and need to be washed. She then went through a lot of paper towels too... A lot (she does feel bad about the environment but her ocd is... Just awful). So, I'm not really willing to go help her. It's just too much for me to handle. I'm not a mental health professional. If I can call a crisis line or something to help her without seeing her, I'd do that. But honestly watching her clean and do rituals and count and even things out is like watching a robot on autopilot, or a zombie.

Edit 3: in reference to the drugs and alcohol. She dabbled in party drugs in her early to mid teens but hasn't since. And she started drinking at 11 but stopped at 27. She's 31 now. She insists she's sober. She doesn't like drinking because her meds make her black out drunk with just a couple drinks, then she stresses out it she gets black out drunk that she didn't do her rituals. Or that she acted on particularly bad intrusive thoughts and wouldn't be able to remember it, so she'd ask for reassurance from others that she did nothing wrong (she never did, was just annoyingly talking in circles and zoning out). I know for a fact she's not in contact with any former drinking buddies, or any friends at all. Like I said, she only talks to me and our mom now. So I don't think her worsening mental health is due to substances.

Food: Toasted bagel with chive and onion cream cheese and nutritional yeast, spicy calabrese salami, sharp white cheddar, toaster rounds, and ketchup chips.

TW: unaliving, substance use.

I'll make this as quick as I possibly can without omitting important details (it's gonna be a long one 😬), sorry for the length:

I met my first husband as an infant (he attended my mom's in-home daycare), we were best friends as kids - inseparable, when we were kids/almost preteens (10 years old) we started a romantic relationship. Looking back, we were way too young to be in a serious relationship, we never got to develop as individuals, we were two halves of a whole.

We got engaged at 16 years old, and married at 18 years old. He got a very high paying job and used all his earnings frivolously: cheating on me with strippers, and using a particular hard drug. I stayed with him because I grew up religious and didn't in believe in divorce (no longer religious now). He od'd one day and I used naloxone to save his life. But after that I was traumatized, I was living on thin ice, constantly worried he would overdose again and not make it. I worked as well, always have since preteen years (delivering papers as a kid) and then joining the medical field as an adult.

I decided I couldn't live like that, I couldn't live with him anymore. I got an apartment for him nearby, as in yes... Insanely, I did pay the rent, because he was blowing all his money as I mentioned before. This became routine. He would turn every house into a trap house and get kicked out. We ended up having to move to another city because things became so bad. Moving solved nothing... He fell into a bad crowd in the city as well. But this time I was done saving him. He ended up literally on the streets. He eventually got arrested for possession. It was either he'd face jail time or go to mandatory rehab. The latter is what ended up happening. We were extremely distant from each other emotionally at this point. I didn't visit him at all until I did.. one time, and now I regret that I didn't visit more. I also regret letting him end up on the streets, but I was so burnt out.

So I visited him, and he told me he hated me and I ruined his life and he never loved me. In anger I replied that I hated him too and I left ended up unaliving himself in rehab, I won't go into details. It broke me. He had been my other half for my whole life, and even though things were rough at the end... We'd had a lifetime of good memories prior. he next time I saw his sister, she gave me a letter that he sent to her, in the letter my late husband talked about how he loved me and cherished our life together and he had just said those awful things so I'd have an easier time letting go/moving on. I wasn't supposed to see the letter, he said that in it, idk why she decided to show me... I never asked. I was 25 when he passed. I've always lived with guilt and what ifs. What if I didn't basically kick him to the curb, what if I visited him more in rehab, what if I saw through his facade the part time I saw him and told him he could hate me but I still loved him. I did love him, I'll always love him.

Anyway, a while later (admittedly not even remotely long enough, it was essentially rebounding to fill the void) I met my current husband. I had a hard time trusting someone again but he's been wonderful to me until today. I'm 32 years old now, almost 33. My current husband and I have three kids together (6 year old boy, almost 3 year old boy, and 8 month old daughter). My late husband and I had no kids together (I used IUDs). We live a white picket fence life. My current husband knows about my late husband, but he's asked me to not talk about him, jealousy... I guess. And he doesn't want my kids to ever know of him. My late husband and I got married on may 4th (star wars fans). Today I took out a USB flash drive from storage, it has all of the photos of me and my late and husband over the years (including our wedding photos), I was looking at the photos and reminiscing to myself but my husband was in the room and was seething (mumbling angrily under his breath). I have never visited my late husband's grave since the burial. But today.. I just felt I needed to, I finally felt ready to really say goodbye. I don't know what happens in the afterlife but I went and talked to him at his grave.

Since having my daughter I've suffered from post partum psychosis and depression (I've also been very highly emotional compared to my normal self), we have a nanny to help with the kids, so nanny was watching them when I went to the cemetery. When I returned my nanny ushered me into the spare room and gave me a destroyed USB flash drive. She said my husband destroyed it with a hammer and then left the house. That flash drive had all the photos of me and my late husband over the years. Including our wedding photos.

When my husband came back. I confronted him about it. He "asserted his dominance" for lack of better words, and told me I'm married to him now and I shouldn't even be thinking about my late husband, far less visiting his grave or even looking at pictures of him. He said destroying the flash drive was his "right" as my husband. I was speechless, seriously stunned... He's been the jealous type, but this was so extreme. I became seriously afraid. I don't know if it's the post partum stuff or if it's justified... He has never hit me or the kids or anything... But this seemed so aggressive, so personal, raw. Nanny drove me and my kids to my parents house and we're staying here for at least this week. My mom is siding with my husband, and says it was disrespectful of me to go to the cemetery because I should honor my husband (she's very religious). I don't even know what to think anymore. I don't know if I'm in the wrong... I don't know if I should even to back. It's just a mess. I'm devastated that all of those photos are gone forever.. I feel like I've lost a part of me. Any advice is appreciated... Thanks for reading.

Hi this is very important to me. I thoroughly appreciate the help. $60 USD tip. (No AI) this is the only picture I have of this picture, can't get another clearer shot as the original no longer exists (lost in a fire), sorry. Thanks for the help. Paying the tip from Canada, so no cash app/venmo.

My twin sister (F31 at the time) attempted?... committed? Idk.. suicide last year. She used a very unconventional method - anaphylaxis via food allergen. She wrote a note and everything with her intentions clearly stated, it was no accident. When she actually actively started dying (throat closing up) she panicked and gave herself an epipen and called out to me (we lived together at the time). I called an ambulance. She didn't really have any substantial relief? Which I don't understand. I mean... I know you need to go to a hospital after epi in case of secondary anaphylaxis but what happened with her was..

Or at least what I've gathered for med personnel is... The epi didn't work the way it should on her? It wasn't expired or misused. & ... The paramedics gave her more epi.. And it also didn't really work.. So they gave her more.. And intramuscular benadryl at some point during this too. Basically nothing was working even by the time they arrived at hospital. It worked a bit... But not on the shocked open airways on House MD kind of way... It opened her airways enough to not quickly die but... She was still dying? I know they gave her some kind of bolus or something with epi too at the hospital? I think... I'm sorry, I'm not a doctor or nurse. On top of more directly injected epi... She wasn't improving at all. She was notably scared... They were trying to get me out of the room (I followed behind the ambulance - they wouldn't let me in it).

Several doctors and nurses were in her room immediately as she was rushed into the hospital. It took literally no time for her to be seen.... Like... She got at the hospital and was surrounded by medical personnel. The attending doctor I guess decided she wasn't getting enough oxygen? And she was actively getting worse.. The epi apparently stopped working entirely. So an anesthesiologist put my sister into an induced ketamine coma and they immediately intubated her. They told us this was a form of life support... Which was confusing... I always thought like... People go on life support for heart functions. I'm dumb maybe. Anyway... She never started being able to breathe on her own again... Her spouse decided to "pull the plug" - that's what he told us. But what would that have meant? Could she have lived forever on the breathing tube or whatever if they woke her out of the coma? Why did they have to put her in a coma and not just tracheostomy like on TV? I thought pulling the plug meant like something to do with stopping the heart? But that doesn't make sense here... her heart was beating? So how did she die? Would she have had any form of consciousness at that point? Like was she always in an induced coma? Or did it become a real coma? Or idk. When would she have stopped being able to feel pain/suffering? When they put her in the coma? When she was in active anaphylaxis.. Was she in pain? How badly was she suffering? Did she know she was dying? Why didn't the epi work the way we see on tv? I just wish I understood what happened to my sister in layman's terms. I feel stupid and like I failed her. Also I don't understand why she couldn't just live with an oxygen tank or something? Why did the epi not really work for her despite multiple dosages?

I appreciate any answers. Here's the last photo of her that her husband took, I guess right before she died? I don't know... Covered her face but hopefully you will all be able to decipher the life saving measures taken by this pic / what was going on.... If not, I'd be willing to share the uncensored picture via pm...

Thanks for any help.... I just hope she wasn't in pain. I don't really understand any of this.... I am not the smartest... But I love her

5'3" 85 lbs anaphylactic allergies, ocd, eczema.

Effexor. Lorazepam.