I already have low self esteem and my past relational history includes several domestically violent and/or verbally abusive relationships with men. One bf got me high and then robbed me. Two bfs that were physically violent and another who threatened to kill me almost every day.
I stopped dating for a while and recently started dating this new guy about a year and a half ago. Initially, he didn’t want to date me, but about 5 months ago he decided he did so we started dating.
Because of the initial denial I’ve felt like I’ve had to earn the relationship, and as such I’ve continually tried to put in an immense amount of effort toward helping him and making myself useful whenever possible. I don’t normally but I’ve invested financial resources on him despite that he makes 3X as much as me.
Today, I had an extremely hard day at work. It’s a new job and I’m just noticing some red flags about the company so I was very stressed about that and was venting about it to him on the phone. I then had a therapy session with my individual therapist and then afterward I was exhausted and fell asleep during a phone call with my bf after the therapy session. During that call he asked if he could come over but I was so drained I didn’t respond and just fell asleep.
7 hours later, while the phone was still connected, I woke up, and asked him if he wanted to come over and he said no because he tried earlier but that I fell asleep. I asked him if he had slept during the time we were on the call and he said no he didn’t because he tried to stay up in case I woke up and wanted him to come over.
That seemed contradictory to me: that he stayed up in case I woke up but when I woke up he said no because I fell asleep.
Because it was contradictory, I asked him about that and he got upset and said he was tired, that he didn’t get to sleep like I did, and then started calling me names. He called me a dumb bitch and then a stupid bitch.
I hung up the phone and was thinking about things and I landed on the idea that I may want to end the relationship.
Being called that reminds me of the previous relationships where I was constantly verbally assaulted and it’s damaged my self esteem tremendously.
AIO, for wanting to end things over being called that?
I am not sure if a man can say those things to his girlfriend and still actually be capable of caring about her.
Im not sure if I am reacting to all my past trauma and overreacting too.
Any advice would be appreciated because Idk what to do.
Edit: If I do end things, would it be wrong of me to return some things I bought for him yesterday? I have been trying to get him to exercise with me but he didn’t have any shoes or workout clothes so I spent $180 for him to be able to start working out with me.
I don’t want to be an “indian giver” and I would be fine with just giving him the things I bought for him and just walking away. But he has not used them yet and idk I just feel kind of used given that he called me that when I try so hard to be a supportive gf.