u/Global-DisComfort26

I (31F) have been married to my husband (33M) for 4 years. Overall our relationship is good, but his family dynamic is honestly draining me. Especially his mom.

At first I tried really hard to fit in. I’d attend every family dinner, help cook, buy thoughtful gifts, remember birthdays, all of it. But no matter what I do, I always feel “outside” the family while his sister and her husband get treated completely differently.

His mom constantly makes small comments that sound harmless but build up over time. Things like how I “work too much” and how women used to prioritize family more. Or she’ll compare me to my sister in law who stays home with the kids and cooks these huge meals every day. Last Christmas she literally told everyone my mashed potatoes were “interesting” and laughed 😭

The bigger issue is my husband never really defends me in the moment. Later he’ll tell me “that’s just how she is” or “she didn’t mean it like that.” Meanwhile I leave these family events feeling anxious and embarrassed for days.

Last weekend was kind of my breaking point. His mom invited everyone over for dinner and I found out through Instagram stories that the whole family had gone out earlier that day without inviting me. My husband knew about it and said he “didn’t think it was a big deal.”

I ended up crying in the bathroom after we got home because I honestly feel unwanted around them now. He thinks I’m overreacting and says I’m making him choose between me and his family, but I don’t feel like wanting basic support from my husband should count as “making him choose.”

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of in law situation without it ruining the marriage?