u/Global-Program

A few months ago I was talking to this guy for around two months and I genuinely really liked him. Things were going really well between us and I honestly thought it was heading somewhere serious. Then he got a job opportunity abroad and suddenly blocked me on everything before leaving. No proper goodbye, nothing.

It hurt a lot but after a few weeks I started getting over it and began talking to two other guys.

Guy number two is really attractive and sweet, but he can be a bit overly sexual for me sometimes. Guy number three is genuinely lovely and probably the most emotionally stable out of all of them, but he lives quite far away which makes things difficult.

I’ve been talking to both of them for about a month and I think both of them assume they’re the only person I’m talking to. One of them even told me he could see himself falling in love with me.

Then two days ago the original guy suddenly came back. He apologised a lot, said he panicked and couldn’t handle leaving, and said he wants to try again properly this time. Since then we’ve been constantly FaceTiming and it honestly feels like nothing changed. I still really like him.

The problem is I now feel guilty because technically none of these guys know about each other. I’m not exclusive with any of them, but emotionally it still feels messy and I don’t know whether I’m being unfair.

Part of me wants to give the original guy another chance because the connection feels strongest there, but another part of me is scared he’ll disappear again.

What would you do in this situation?

I’m trying to understand a pattern in my life and I don’t really know how to fix it.

Growing up, my relationship with my dad was very emotionally distant and often felt hurtful. He would openly tell me he didn’t like me and made it clear I wasn’t his favourite child. He treated my sibling very differently to me in ways that felt really obvious.

For example, when my sister turned 17 he paid for her driving lessons, but when I turned 17 I was told I would have to wait until I finished school. After I finished school, I was then told I would have to pay for it myself. He also used to provide more support and care when I was younger, but after my sibling left for university, a lot of that stopped for me. Even financially, he would sometimes help when I was younger, but later on he stopped supporting me and at the same time didn’t really allow me to get a part time job, so I often felt stuck and like I had to figure everything out alone.

Over time, I think I internalised this idea that I’m not really someone who gets chosen or prioritised.

Now I feel like this is repeating in my friendships.

I’m always the one who messages first, makes plans, and keeps contact going. If I stop reaching out, everything goes quiet. I’ve had close friendships where I thought I mattered, but then after conflict people quickly sided against me and I ended up completely isolated for months. Even now, in my current friend group, I don’t feel like I’m anyone’s first choice. For example, I wasn’t invited to a friend’s birthday when other people were.

I don’t know if I’m choosing the wrong people, overgiving, or just used to accepting less effort because that’s what feels normal to me. But I don’t want to keep repeating this pattern.

Has anyone experienced something similar where a difficult family dynamic affected their friendships? And how do you actually break this cycle and build relationships where effort is mutual?

I’m a really social person, and I have a lot of friends. I enjoy meeting new people, and I’d say I’m generally well-liked. But at the same time, I’ve never really been anyone’s “favourite person” or best friend, and that’s what gets to me.

In most of my friendships, I feel like I care more about the other person than they care about me. I go out of my way to make people feel included and appreciated, but I don’t feel like I get that same energy back.

I also really struggle with confrontation. If someone upsets me, I usually just let it go and give them the benefit of the doubt, even when it happens repeatedly. When friendships end (which a lot of mine do over time), I’m always the one apologising, even if I was the one more hurt.

I think this might come from how I grew up. I realised pretty early on that people didn’t really consider my feelings. I remember being a kid, and people would ignore me or leave me out for fun, and I just brushed it off and stayed a “good sport.” I think I got used to accepting that kind of treatment.

It’s not just friends either. With my family, I’m usually the one putting in more effort. People come to me when they need support, but when I need them, they’re often too busy.

I don’t think I’m unlikeable, I know I’m not, but I don’t understand why I never seem to be someone that people prioritise or value in the same way I value them.

Has anyone else felt like this or managed to change it?