Fwiw: my goals with this new therapist are centered on EMDR and somatic therapy to release deep-seated, long-held nervous system patterns of fawning, hiding, and shutting down and working through intimacy and attachment issues in my romantic relationship.
I'm 39F and have been in monogamous, straight relationship with my male partner for 14 years. I'm a late-bloomer queer/bi, and when I had my queer awakening a couple of years ago and came out to my partner, he was very supportive. We came to an agreement for me to date and sleep with women, which was actually his idea. He didn't want to keep me from being able to explore this side of my identity/sexuality.
I was very excited at first, and immediately joined a couple of dating apps. The excitement quickly faded as I realized the apps are pretty much as soul-sucking as everyone claims! I did go on 2 dates with one woman, and it just wasn't a good match.
I'm experiencing a weird ennui about this whole arrangement now. I think I'm realizing that I can't do the online thing, first of all. I only really feel attraction for someone when it grows from an organic, in person connection. But it feels weird and disingenuous to go out "looking" for that - especially when I can't explain my situation right up front like I can in a dating profile. I don't want to start building a connection with someone and then have to break it to them that I'm not entirely available, but hey I'm "allowed" to casually date and sleep with you! Who is going to want that?! I'm not even sure I want that. There is quite a big ENM and queer community in my city, but what are the odds of meeting these folks out in the wild?
Additionally, I feel like only being able to date women is not allowing for the full expression of my sexual identity, if that is the whole point of opening the relationship. To me, this isn't like an "experiment" to "see how I like" sex with women since I've never tried it. To me, the point of this is to allow me to fully express my sexual identity which would also include sex and relationships with all genders.
I feel stuck. I want to explore my sexuality and new relationships, but being in my current relationship still feels restrictive despite it actually being open. Maybe it's just something that will take some time to get used to? I thought I would really enjoy a non-monogamous lifestyle but I'm not so sure anymore. I don't know how to navigate any of it and I feel kind of alone in the process.
I've been in a monogamous, straight relationship with my partner for 14 years. When I had my queer awakening a couple of years ago and came out to my partner, he was very supportive and we came to an agreement for me to date and sleep with women. He didn't want to keep me from being able to explore this side of my identity/sexuality.
I was very excited at first, and immediately joined a couple of dating apps. The excitement quickly faded as I realized the apps are pretty much as soul-sucking as everyone claims! I did go on 2 dates with one woman, and it just wasn't a good match.
I'm experiencing a weird ennui about this whole arrangement now. I think I'm realizing that I can't do the online thing, first of all. I only really feel attraction for someone when it grows from an organic, in person connection. But it feels weird and disingenuous to go out "looking" for that - especially when I can't explain my situation right up front like I can in a dating profile. I don't want to start building a connection with someone and then have to break it to them that I'm not entirely available, but hey I'm "allowed" to casually date and sleep with you! Who is going to want that?! I'm not even sure I want that. There is quite a big ENM and queer community in my city, but what are the odds of meeting these folks out in the wild?
I feel stuck. I want to explore my sexuality and new relationships, but being in my current relationship still feels restrictive despite it actually being open. Maybe it's just something that will take some time to get used to?