Anhedonia puzzle
Looking for help trying to understand why my anhedonia is so bad. Late 40s.
I’ve been on Effexor for a while and SSRIs for about two decades due to severe anxiety mostly social. I’ve had a similar experience as most in trying to get off them has been a nightmare. At this point, I’m down to 56.25 and feel stable.
In addition to that I am a cancer survivor and therefore a couple years ago went through chemo radiation and I’m now on tamoxifen.
After I got out of the cancer treatment circus, I made a mistake to turn to a “natural “supplement that ended up causing severe addiction as it’s an opioid antagonist. It’s called Kratom and I’m sure many are familiar with it.
I’ve been off of that now for four or five months. I go through many periods of PAWS but those cycles are getting less and less.
The reason why I started on it in the first place is because after the cancer treatments, I had the epitome of brain fog. I was worried about losing my job and I had no energy and so I was looking for something to just survive.
Now that I’m off of it I have turned to a supplement stack of NAC 1200 mg, magnesium glycinate about 600 mg a day 5 to 10 mg of Adderall when needed but try not to do more than four times a week and some other staples.
In the last three weeks. I’ve introduced guanfacine 1 mg.
My goal is to replace Adderall with guanfacine because I don’t want to be addicted to a stimulant. However, since I’ve introduced guanfacine, I’ve noticed extreme anhedonia and I thought at first it was just being tired, but even when I’m not tired I’m just so flat.
However, I like some aspects of the guanfacine because it lowers adrenaline really helps with anxiety, which has been a lifelong struggle. I like not being reactive and feeling like I can sit still in a room and focus on something, but I have no joyful feelings. I don’t get really excited, but also don’t get really sad. I have no libido and no desire to even do anything about it. I feel like I could sit and stare at a wall indefinitely, and the most painful part of it all is that I can’t really laugh like that belly laugh, that authentic laugh I can’t do it. There’s nothing in me that feels that level of joy.
I’m heartbroken because the main point is this is how my family experiences me and it’s not who I am inside, but between the hormone suppression and the other drugs just to keep me going, I feel caught in a loop of survival versus happiness.
If there’s anyone that can help untangle this for me, I would be so appreciative. Do I need to just stop guanfacine? Is staying on that level of Adderall not a big deal? Is there something I’m not trying that I should be trying? I have no desire to be on drugs of any sort or need to rely on supplements to stay alive, but that’s just where we are today.
Any help I would really appreciate it!
However, I do want to mention something for those that suffer from severe social anxiety. I’ve noticed that when I take Adderall that goes away while the Adderall is potent. It doesn’t heal whatever it is that causes that issue, but at least gives you the confidence to maintain eye contact, and relax in a situation. I know there’s many people that know the pain of not being able to do that and also not understanding why you have that issue.
Thanks for your help and blessings on you all today!