Before someone jumps on me, i think of my girlfriend really well, shes honestly the best i have ever had. I just recently feel very anxious and just well.. just confused in what we have.
So my girlfriend had a very tough childhood plus bad exes experiences so of course im trying to be as mindful as i can. But recently things started to go out of hand a bit.
First thing that i feel very bad about is the fact how angry she can get - ofc she would never actually touch me in a bad way so im not scared of that. Is just that after some months of dating her “filter” run out and now she has no trouble just shouting at me whenever i do something wrong (etc few days back i was doing really bad in a game she likes and she went on on me what i do wrong in a really bad way). She has no problem with calling me insane or just stupid whenever we fight and honestly i just feel very defeated that my girlfriend is talking to me like that.
We also have big problems with double standards in our relationship - shes going out on parties etc but she gets mad whenever i try to go even on a walk with my friend. I will admit I also get jealous when she goes out to drink but more in like a unsettling way not in a “you cant go” way, because im not her mom to tell her what to do. I do get that she had a very bad experience with her ex because she cheated on her but honestly i also had a similar experience (my ex dumped me for another person) but honestly sometimes i dont get how some stuff are acceptable for her but not for me. Of course we tried talking it out but every time it ends up in her saying “you know your friends for a shorter time than i know mine so i know they wont try anything with me” (mind you 90% of my friends are taken). Same with reassurance - we are long distance so every time i feel uneasy or stressed about something she just says “oh i cant do much im far away, i would do something if i was with you there” but whenever im nit giving her what she exactly wants when she needs reassurance she says i will never understand her even tho im trying to help.
Same with work - im unemployed but i study engineering so it gets tough, when she finally got a job (shes currently a highschool dropout) every day she got mad that shes tired of that job and its my fault for pushing her on it cuz she wants to live with me sooner. I just dont see how its my fault that she has a job.
I would write more but i feel like nobody will read such a long post :p
As i mentioned in the title, she has big problems with self image, depression etc so i definitely dont want to shit-talk her but it just gets suffocating sometimes. I try to provide her with a good morning paragraph everyday as well as physical letters sent every month but i feel like im not being seen with that. I even tried an app to be closer and talk more (the app gives one question to two people a day) but she just forgot everyday and after some time i grew tired of being the only one remembering. Of course we had a huge fight - my fault for going out on her for remembering her all streaks on snaps with friends but not one question for me (i admit i couldve been nicer) but she just said its different. Im very sorry for her and how much she struggles but honestly i just sometimes wish i was seen like i see her and remember even the smallest detail.
u/Glum_Path5988
So my boyfriend (20) of almost 10months was smoking heavily for the past 5years. Since he occurred many health problems I proposed to him trying to quit for good now (We had 2 tries before but he went back).
Of course i do get how bad quitting smoking is and how hard it must be for him so i wanted to ask how to help - especially with mood swings and emotional issues.
He had a pretty rough and traumatising life as a kid. He has big anger issues and self image problems, they never really were a problem when he was smoking, we sure did have some arguments but it usually ended up just fine after even short period of time.
But now since he stopped smoking (for couple of days now) we started to argue like crazy even about the smallest things. I do something even tho he asked me to do and im getting screamed at - and ofc however understanding i want to be i wont just sit and let anybody scream at me for something i never did.
When i tell him that we cant just pretend that his emotions are going all on me even though im trying to help he says that i dont understand how hard life was for him and i just dont get it. He mentioned me “pushing” him into this state of not smoking even though i just proposed thay since he has health problems with heart, when he tried to quit two times before i never got mad when he failed because i do get that it can be hard especially for a heavy smoker.
I would want to research myself more how to react to his feelings and also react good to him getting angry so easily. We ofc have some relationship problems (mostly about double standards how he is allowed to do many things like friends sleepovers etc and im not) but we usually could work through them without arguing intensely.
Any tips how to be a better support for him?