u/GoAwayLurker

I have been a planner-er and journal-er for many years. Over the years I forget the intricities and the years blend together. I started writing an "about me" section at the front of every new book. Its now close to my favorite part because it highlights my phase of life and anchors the memories.

For reference I use my planner as a memory keeping, tracker, and planning tool. The meaning from my planner comes from the memory aspect and being able to look back at what my life was like (to the hour! If i timeblocked).

Anyway the section is very simple and I write it on the front page. It can be anything, for now I kept it basic.

Age:

Status: referring to relationship

Living: what town im in

Work: where im working (company and location)

Friends: who my friends are

Family: who my close family are

I added friends and family because as you move through the seasons of your life, that changes.

My mind feels very jumbled right now, its 4am and I'm wide awake.

I've recently learned about myself that I have alot of anxiety which I didn't realize. I thought my experience was the normal experience. The littlest thing could happen and it triggers the awful anxiety feeling, akin to fear almost, and I worry all night long.

Lately my anxiety has been worse.

I am anxious about work. Doing a good job and how I am perceived at work by coworkers, boss, and clients. I love my job but I care too much and it festers into anxiety.

I am anxious about friendships and over analyze every word or action they say and worry they don't like me or are upset with me that I'll sometimes spend hours overthinking interactions - when most of the time its not even an issue to begin with.

My family situation is difficult. I have a very ill brother and father. My brothers situation has gotten alot worse in the last 2 weeks and I am just at a loss. Its one of those things that are completely out of your control and I just feel helpless and defeated

Anither big anxiety stressor for me is cleanliness. Not having a clean home and people suddenly showing up (which never happens anyway) produces a ton of anxiety. Messy place = anxiety. I spend alot of time trying to develop routines or analyze my behaviors to see why I'm so messy/lazy. My house right now is messier than its ever been and I can't get myself to clean it.

Its like the weekend I come up for air and decompress from the work week and thats usually when I will clean. Then Monday rolls around and its like my brain shuts off the whole world and all that matters is work. Wake up, work, scroll, sleep. Saturday I open my eyes a bit to the fact I did nothing for myself all week like hygeine, housekeeping, and didnt even step foot outside my house (work from home).

Anyway sorry for the ramble.