u/GoatBlue03

Recently went no contact with my mother. I went through a traumatic medical procedure a couple of months ago, and my mother made it clear she did not care about how I was doing or feeling. The procedure did not work and I spent weeks grieving a life I will never have. The heightened emotions of it all made me absolutely snap at her.

Once again, my father took her side, said I blew it way out of proportion. Unfortunately, this was not caused by this one incident, but from decades of neglect and from having a mother who does not give a shit about me. My husband understands why I blew up.

My mother continues to have horrible behaviors with zero consequences. She has lost most of our family to fallouts caused by her, and most of her friends over the years. I have one sibling who went no contact with her years ago. She seemingly doesn't give a shit, is so self absorbed, and my dad just goes along with it.

How can my father be so blind to it all? How does he not see the common denominator in these situations?

I recently went through fertility treatment which amounted to nothing. No child, no answers, literally nothing. Mom was pressuring me every single day to try more. Anyone who has been through this knows, usually there are no answers, you just have to keep doing it and spending tens of thousands of dollars for a "maybe", and I've just had enough. Enough of being a lab rat, enough of the hormones, enough of pausing my life for zero guarantees, enough of the financial burden to this, just enough. I spent weeks crying every day and grieving not being able to have a child for reasons science can't explain yet.

My mother neglected me through my entire childhood (and admitted she did when she was wasted one night with me). She physically and emotionally abused me in my upbringing. She also shipped off one of her kids as a teenager who has been no contact with her for over a decade. I don't have a relationship with that sibling for their own issues, but I never forgave my mother for that. It was a very hard lesson in "unconditional love" not existing in our family. Unfortunately due to all of this shit, I ended up with BPD, which I've done years of therapy for. I think she may also be undiagnosed BPD with the way she treats people. She no longer speaks to most of our family, goes through friends every year, and seems to have ongoing fights with her kids constantly. If it's not me, it's someone else or someone else's spouse.

I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of it all. I've actively sought to make myself a better person with years of therapy and treatment. I'm happily married. I have great friends I've had for years. Meanwhile with her, she will mow down everyone she possibly can, zero apologies ever. Unconditional love for her kids, family, or friendship does not exist. My dad is under her thumb, which hurts me, because he's admitted how bad of a person she is but I cut her off recently and he took her side.

I hate Mothers Day. Because now, I get to mourn not only the fact that I can't have my own child for reasons science hasn't determined yet, but because my mother is a horrible human being, and this day is supposed to be a praise to her? She shouldn't have been able to have kids in the first place. I resent the fact that she was able to create me and my siblings just to abuse us so badly.

Sorry for ranting. Thank you for listening.