40f, single, living with regrets and scared about being alone for the rest of my life.
I (40f) am single, straight, and have been out of a relationship for about 7 months. I have done online dating and I’m exhausted. I’ve gone out on countless first dates, sometimes a 2nd date. I found myself not feeling the chemistry, attraction or compatibility. Most of those men have shown interest, but I just wasn’t interested in going forward. I am generally transparent and usually let them know that I don’t see compatibility. I hate ghosting. I am also someone who prefers instant chemistry to continue dating but that’s a rarity. Anyway, as I’m getting older, the options for dwindling and I’m regretting being so picky. More recently, I’m also noticing that some of the men I’m going out with are not putting in the effort to go out again or are just not interested.
I went on a first date recently and I thought we hit it off. I had the “he’s the one” feeling and felt as though he was interested. He showed signs of interest on that date and immediately after, but after texting the days following, he never asked me out for a 2nd date, and I sensed that maybe he wasn’t ready to date or is just not interested in me. I really wish it was clearer and that he could just say he isn’t interested if that’s the case. The fact that I’m holding out so much hope is driving me crazy. I am feeling very pessimistic now and just don’t think it will go in a positive direction.
Now, I’m just wondering what’s next for my life. I really feel a lot of despair. I never imagined this would be my life today. I’ve never been married and had multiple unsuccessful relationships. I’ve usually been the one to call it off for various reasons (e.g. they cheated, they lied excessively, we were incompatible in terms of communication, etc.). The last one ended somewhat mutually, and that was devastating for me. The worst loss though was when I was in my late 20’s and the person I thought I would have spent the rest of my life with died suddenly and tragically. It took me many years to date again. I know I’ll never find that soulmate connection again, but I am okay with just finding someone who is a good fit. Now I’m feeling as though I turned down so many people and I’m left with nobody, or I’ll just have to settle or be alone for the rest of my life because less people are available and are interested in me. I’m really scared about spending the rest of my life without a partner.