u/Gold_Nature26

recently got engaged, and while I’m incredibly happy to be marrying my fiancé, I’ve been struggling with some feelings that I don’t know if are valid or if I’m being overly sensitive.

For some context, I’ve made a real effort to be involved with and supportive of his family. For Mother’s Day and his mom’s birthday, she wanted a massage, and I was the one who organized everything. I made the appointments, coordinated the plan, and made sure the cost was covered by getting her sons to pitch in. I was happy to do it because I care about her and wanted her to feel celebrated.

Beyond that, throughout my relationship with my fiancé, I’ve tried to show up for his family in meaningful ways. When his father was going through the process of receiving a cancer diagnosis and traveling out of state for appointments, I helped where I could with small expenses like gas and food. When I traveled to meet his brother and family, I brought gifts for the children. There have been a lot of moments where I’ve contributed emotionally, financially, or behind the scenes because I genuinely wanted to support the people he loves.

I’ve never kept score, and I didn’t do any of those things expecting something in return. But I think that’s part of why this hurts. When one of the biggest milestones of my life happened, I guess I hoped there would be some effort to make me feel celebrated too.

I also want to be fair because I don’t think this is a situation where everyone has treated me poorly. His dad, especially, has always been kind, appreciative, and vocal about it. He’s thanked me for supporting their family, for helping during difficult times, and has always made me feel valued. I genuinely have no complaints about him.

Part of what makes this confusing for me is that my feelings are more centered around his mom. As a woman, I guess I thought she might understand how meaningful this milestone is and want to help celebrate it. Especially because I’ve tried to show up for her and the family whenever I could.

What makes me question myself is that she has celebrated similar milestones before. She threw a bridal shower for my fiancé’s former wife, so it’s not that she’s someone who doesn’t believe in those types of celebrations. Because of that, I find myself wondering why things seem different with me. I don’t know if there’s a reason, if I’m reading too much into it, or if it’s not personal at all, but it’s hard not to notice the difference.

After we got engaged, there wasn’t really a celebration from his family. No dinner, no gathering, no bridal shower discussion, no card, no flowers, no champagne, no cake, not even a simple “let’s take you two out and celebrate.” It was more of a quick congratulations and then life moved on.

What makes it harder is that shortly after our engagement, we spent time with his family and everything felt focused on everyone else. Even on the night of our engagement dinner, my fiancé was coordinating plans with his brother about heading back to his house afterward. I remember feeling like the night wasn’t really about us anymore. The proposal itself was beautiful, and this isn’t about the proposal. It’s about not feeling celebrated afterward.

I know nobody is obligated to throw me a party. I know people have their own lives, their own finances, and their own priorities. I also don’t want to sound entitled to a bridal shower, gifts, or attention. I think what I’m struggling with is the feeling of being overlooked. When you’ve put effort into building relationships and making other people feel special, it hurts when one of the biggest moments of your own life passes by without much acknowledgment.

What makes this even harder is that I don’t want to talk badly about his parents. They’ve never been cruel to me, and I genuinely care about them. I’ve brought some of these feelings up to my fiancé, but I also feel uncomfortable because I don’t want to create problems between him and his family or make it seem like I’m attacking them.

At the same time, I’m sitting with these feelings by myself and wondering if I’m expecting too much.

Am I wrong for feeling hurt and uncelebrated, or are these reasonable feelings to have?

recently got engaged, and while I’m incredibly happy to be marrying my fiancé, I’ve been struggling with some feelings that I don’t know if are valid or if I’m being overly sensitive.

For some context, I’ve made a real effort to be involved with and supportive of his family. For Mother’s Day and his mom’s birthday, she wanted a massage, and I was the one who organized everything. I made the appointments, coordinated the plan, and made sure the cost was covered by getting her sons to pitch in. I was happy to do it because I care about her and wanted her to feel celebrated.

Beyond that, throughout my relationship with my fiancé, I’ve tried to show up for his family in meaningful ways. When his father was going through the process of receiving a cancer diagnosis and traveling out of state for appointments, I helped where I could with small expenses like gas and food. When I traveled to meet his brother and family, I brought gifts for the children. There have been a lot of moments where I’ve contributed emotionally, financially, or behind the scenes because I genuinely wanted to support the people he loves.

I’ve never kept score, and I didn’t do any of those things expecting something in return. But I think that’s part of why this hurts. When one of the biggest milestones of my life happened, I guess I hoped there would be some effort to make me feel celebrated too.

I also want to be fair because I don’t think this is a situation where everyone has treated me poorly. His dad, especially, has always been kind, appreciative, and vocal about it. He’s thanked me for supporting their family, for helping during difficult times, and has always made me feel valued. I genuinely have no complaints about him.

Part of what makes this confusing for me is that my feelings are more centered around his mom. As a woman, I guess I thought she might understand how meaningful this milestone is and want to help celebrate it. Especially because I’ve tried to show up for her and the family whenever I could.

What makes me question myself is that she has celebrated similar milestones before. She threw a bridal shower for my fiancé’s former wife, so it’s not that she’s someone who doesn’t believe in those types of celebrations. Because of that, I find myself wondering why things seem different with me. I don’t know if there’s a reason, if I’m reading too much into it, or if it’s not personal at all, but it’s hard not to notice the difference.

After we got engaged, there wasn’t really a celebration from his family. No dinner, no gathering, no bridal shower discussion, no card, no flowers, no champagne, no cake, not even a simple “let’s take you two out and celebrate.” It was more of a quick congratulations and then life moved on.

What makes it harder is that shortly after our engagement, we spent time with his family and everything felt focused on everyone else. Even on the night of our engagement dinner, my fiancé was coordinating plans with his brother about heading back to his house afterward. I remember feeling like the night wasn’t really about us anymore. The proposal itself was beautiful, and this isn’t about the proposal. It’s about not feeling celebrated afterward.

I know nobody is obligated to throw me a party. I know people have their own lives, their own finances, and their own priorities. I also don’t want to sound entitled to a bridal shower, gifts, or attention. I think what I’m struggling with is the feeling of being overlooked. When you’ve put effort into building relationships and making other people feel special, it hurts when one of the biggest moments of your own life passes by without much acknowledgment.

What makes this even harder is that I don’t want to talk badly about his parents. They’ve never been cruel to me, and I genuinely care about them. I’ve brought some of these feelings up to my fiancé, but I also feel uncomfortable because I don’t want to create problems between him and his family or make it seem like I’m attacking them.

At the same time, I’m sitting with these feelings by myself and wondering if I’m expecting too much.

Am I wrong for feeling hurt and uncelebrated, or are these reasonable feelings to have?

Update :
i really appreciate everyone’s insight. definitely gave me a different perspective.

Maybe part of this is a cultural difference. Where I come from, people tend to be very warm and celebratory about life milestones, whether it’s an engagement, a graduation, a new job, or something else meaningful. I wasn’t keeping tabs or trying to compare who got what. I only included examples because I felt the context mattered.

It probably is a cultural difference. My family tends to be very warm and expressive, which is why I’ve tried to be that way with them as well. that’s how I was raised to love people. I think what hurt is that I didn’t really feel that same warmth reflected back during a significant moment in my own life.

I never expected a party, gifts, or for everything to revolve around me. i mentioned the bridal party to give context, not that i expected a bridal party from his family. what hurt was that our engagement, which was a major life event for us, didn’t really seem to be acknowledged or talked about when we were together as a family. We spend time with immediate family regularly and often get together to celebrate or discuss different things, so I think I naturally expected some excitement or recognition. for me, it wasn’t about being the center of attention. It was about feeling included, celebrated, and welcomed during a happy moment in my life.

but once again, i appreciate everyone’s insight and for taking the time to respond.