r/bridezillas

I accepted being a bridesmaid for a close friend. She and her MOH planned a 3-night/4-day bachelorette trip to New Orleans (we’re all from California, so flights + hotel on top of everything). The group is 10 people total — the bride, her 3 best friends (who are all much closer to her than I am), the groom and his groomsmen.

The MOH organized a really packed itinerary — lots of bar hopping, activities, lunches, and dinners.
After the trip, the MOH sent out a payment breakdown and said we’d be covering the bride AND the groom’s share, so everything gets split 8 ways instead of 10. I googled it and apparently this is pretty customary for bachelorette trips — but no one told me this before the trip. Not in the group chat, not in any planning convos, nothing.

All in, I’m looking at close to $3,000 for this trip if I pay for bride and groom (versus $2000 or even $1500 if i pay my own share). If I had known upfront that’s what it would cost, I honestly would not have gone. The bride has been pretty difficult this entire wedding season and our friendship has taken a hit.

So now I’m stuck. The trip already happened. I don’t want to blow up the friendship or cause drama in the bridal party, but I also feel blindsided and a little taken advantage of.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do I just pay it and move on? Is it reasonable to push back and say I wasn’t told about this arrangement and should only pay a 1/10 share? So far everyone agreed and no one has pushed back so I feel even if I try my success rate is low. How would you handle this?

Was just a bridesmaid in a wedding and feeling like the bride showed no appreciation or thanks to us in the bridal party. We have all spent over $1,200 between the bachelorette, bridal shower, engagement party and wedding. None of our expenses were covered by the bride. I don’t know why, but I expected some sort of card or thank you note on the day of the wedding. She didn’t thank any of us in her speech to all the guests, and didn’t make even make a small speech to us in the bridal suite the day of (we were all there for 8 hours getting ready before the wedding started). I’m feeling a bit frustrated and resentful because we all poured so much time, energy and money into this, and to make this a special day, and there was absolutely no acknowledgment. Not even a text after the wedding to thank us.

Is this normal for brides? It feels like everything we did went unnoticed or that she doesn’t care.

recently got engaged, and while I’m incredibly happy to be marrying my fiancé, I’ve been struggling with some feelings that I don’t know if are valid or if I’m being overly sensitive.

For some context, I’ve made a real effort to be involved with and supportive of his family. For Mother’s Day and his mom’s birthday, she wanted a massage, and I was the one who organized everything. I made the appointments, coordinated the plan, and made sure the cost was covered by getting her sons to pitch in. I was happy to do it because I care about her and wanted her to feel celebrated.

Beyond that, throughout my relationship with my fiancé, I’ve tried to show up for his family in meaningful ways. When his father was going through the process of receiving a cancer diagnosis and traveling out of state for appointments, I helped where I could with small expenses like gas and food. When I traveled to meet his brother and family, I brought gifts for the children. There have been a lot of moments where I’ve contributed emotionally, financially, or behind the scenes because I genuinely wanted to support the people he loves.

I’ve never kept score, and I didn’t do any of those things expecting something in return. But I think that’s part of why this hurts. When one of the biggest milestones of my life happened, I guess I hoped there would be some effort to make me feel celebrated too.

I also want to be fair because I don’t think this is a situation where everyone has treated me poorly. His dad, especially, has always been kind, appreciative, and vocal about it. He’s thanked me for supporting their family, for helping during difficult times, and has always made me feel valued. I genuinely have no complaints about him.

Part of what makes this confusing for me is that my feelings are more centered around his mom. As a woman, I guess I thought she might understand how meaningful this milestone is and want to help celebrate it. Especially because I’ve tried to show up for her and the family whenever I could.

What makes me question myself is that she has celebrated similar milestones before. She threw a bridal shower for my fiancé’s former wife, so it’s not that she’s someone who doesn’t believe in those types of celebrations. Because of that, I find myself wondering why things seem different with me. I don’t know if there’s a reason, if I’m reading too much into it, or if it’s not personal at all, but it’s hard not to notice the difference.

After we got engaged, there wasn’t really a celebration from his family. No dinner, no gathering, no bridal shower discussion, no card, no flowers, no champagne, no cake, not even a simple “let’s take you two out and celebrate.” It was more of a quick congratulations and then life moved on.

What makes it harder is that shortly after our engagement, we spent time with his family and everything felt focused on everyone else. Even on the night of our engagement dinner, my fiancé was coordinating plans with his brother about heading back to his house afterward. I remember feeling like the night wasn’t really about us anymore. The proposal itself was beautiful, and this isn’t about the proposal. It’s about not feeling celebrated afterward.

I know nobody is obligated to throw me a party. I know people have their own lives, their own finances, and their own priorities. I also don’t want to sound entitled to a bridal shower, gifts, or attention. I think what I’m struggling with is the feeling of being overlooked. When you’ve put effort into building relationships and making other people feel special, it hurts when one of the biggest moments of your own life passes by without much acknowledgment.

What makes this even harder is that I don’t want to talk badly about his parents. They’ve never been cruel to me, and I genuinely care about them. I’ve brought some of these feelings up to my fiancé, but I also feel uncomfortable because I don’t want to create problems between him and his family or make it seem like I’m attacking them.

At the same time, I’m sitting with these feelings by myself and wondering if I’m expecting too much.

Am I wrong for feeling hurt and uncelebrated, or are these reasonable feelings to have?

Update :
i really appreciate everyone’s insight. definitely gave me a different perspective.

Maybe part of this is a cultural difference. Where I come from, people tend to be very warm and celebratory about life milestones, whether it’s an engagement, a graduation, a new job, or something else meaningful. I wasn’t keeping tabs or trying to compare who got what. I only included examples because I felt the context mattered.

It probably is a cultural difference. My family tends to be very warm and expressive, which is why I’ve tried to be that way with them as well. that’s how I was raised to love people. I think what hurt is that I didn’t really feel that same warmth reflected back during a significant moment in my own life.

I never expected a party, gifts, or for everything to revolve around me. i mentioned the bridal party to give context, not that i expected a bridal party from his family. what hurt was that our engagement, which was a major life event for us, didn’t really seem to be acknowledged or talked about when we were together as a family. We spend time with immediate family regularly and often get together to celebrate or discuss different things, so I think I naturally expected some excitement or recognition. for me, it wasn’t about being the center of attention. It was about feeling included, celebrated, and welcomed during a happy moment in my life.

but once again, i appreciate everyone’s insight and for taking the time to respond.

I (25F) and my friend K (26F) had a huge falling out over my ability to help with her wedding planning as her MOH 3-6 months postpartum. K and I had become friends after a mutual friend started dating her. We hung out alot along with our husbands. After our friend Al (27 male) dated her for sometime he asked my husband and I to help pop the question. We were delighted to because we were so excited for them! important to the story I was 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby.

The day we were set to help A propose I ended up in the emergency room with bleeding. I was so worried I was not going to get discharged in time. It was a very scary experience. Eventually I did get discharged but would be late from when Al originally wanted to propose. We did tell Al what had happened and that we are on our way. The proposal went great! We got beautiful pictures of them during and a video.

Fast-forward to K starting her wedding planning. She has mentioned she was thinking about making me her MOH or her other long time friend. I told her there was no pressure because she needs to make the right decision for herself because I didnt care either way. I would be a bridesmaid and could be there on her day. In the end she ended up picking me for her MOH and I happily accepted. In hindsight because I was going to be going through my postpartum period shortly after was probably my first mistake, but she said her other friend is to flaky to be MOH.

After I gave birth to my baby I went through a roller coaster of a postpartum period. I didnt think i could ever go back to work and the postpartum anxiety was almost debilitating. I was the only friend who made the time to go with her wedding dress shopping (aside from her two mother figures), and I made the time to go with for her fitting/pick it up, bridesmaid dress shopping, she called me during work because she wanted help talking through things for her wedding, vendors, venues, etc. which after a bit I told her these should be conversations she has with her Fiance, Al. She wasnt the biggest fan of that, but we kept moving forward.

Eventually I did start to give my actual opinions when I thought she was taking on a bit more than she could chew for her wedding with all the DIYs, extras, etc. She said its her wedding she will do what she wants which is fine but I thought she would enjoy the wedding planning process if she wasnt stressing so much over small details. When Al & K were finalizing the wedding party details Al's sister pulled their kids from the wedding party as flower girl. I swear I had messaged back to K after she told me this but I must have forgotten because when I went back to see when confronted about it I couldn't find anything. I felt terrible forgetting to message back. I 6 months postpartum and my baby wasnt sleeping through the night, I was exclusively breastfeeding and me and baby had gotten really sick with influenza so the reason I'm thinking I thought I responded in my head but it just never made it to text format.

After a month or two K and Al wanted to come over to have a talk about the wedding. I honestly thought this talk was going to be K and Al asking if our daughter would be flower girl, but it actually was K asking me to step down as MOH. I was shocked and very upset. I told her I cannot do as much as she would like as MOH because of my baby and I was trying my best. I asked her if she could delegate some tasks that would have gone to me to her other bridesmaids but she said thats not the point. If they are going to do the tasks then they should be MOH. I have been MOH before for another friend's wedding so it was nothing new to me of what i thought MOH tasks should be, but she wanted so much more than what I was use to cuppled with a new baby, I was struggling. And I did try to voice what i was able to do or wasnt comfortable doing. I told her at the very beginning someone else could be MOH and I wouldn't have minded, but I'm not going to call vendors, attend venue meetings, etc. I was working full time again and she was part time so I just didnt have the time she did. In the end thats all I really know to have been the issue.

Shortly after I was asked to step down, which did not go over well, my husband, the best man, also stepped down. He was not ok with how I was being treated during my postpartum period when I was struggling but doing my best for everyone. Two months before the wedding my husband and I thought she should try to reconcile because we know Al has been a friend of ours for years and we really wanted to be there to support Al and K's day. In the end they asked my husband to be best man again and I was able to attend as a guest. I felt a little different about this because K had an issue with me and not my husband so why they were so willing to have him back. I feel like they got what they wanted without owning up to how they treated me.

The wedding came and went and i thought it went well. As the year went by my husband and I thought things were on the up and up. They came over and we hung out every couple of months. Eventually K quit her job and was searching for a new one. Shortly after she found her next job she started to go silent with texts. With fewer responses than normal and it felt hard to get much out of her. I thought she was busy adjusting to the new position because it did have long crazy hours. Her husband still came over to hang out and if K didnt come with I asked what she was up to and how she was doing. Which Al would respond shes at work. (This was a lie we found out later) Knowing she worked weekends I didnt even think twice.

Eventually I got a cryptic message from K about that she doesn't forgive me and that she will never let me get that close to her again. I responded to that message with a, is everything ok? or what is this about? which she did not respond to and I Eventually had to message Al what was up. She was apparently still upset about the wedding drama and when we met before the wedding to try and see if we could reconcile, we must have discussed that this is not a clean slate and that I would reach out later to continue the conversation to get back to a good place. I did remember that it wasnt going to be a clean slate, but not the part where i was supposed to reach out again to discuss what happend around the wedding. She continued to not answer any of my messages and Eventually Al stopped responding as well because these were conversations I needed to have with K. To say I was pissed was an understatement. How could I fix something I didnt know was an issue. And then when I finally discovered something was wrong she wouldn't respond. I thought her starting a new job and being busy with that was the reason she was short with her messages and Eventually stopped responding. I tried reaching out but I never got a anything back prior to her cryptic message.

The way she treated me during my postpartum was terrible because she thought I should be able to drop everything and help her or be willing to drag my baby around to see her or go see venues. Stuff like that is way harder than it sounds especially with the anxiety I was experiencing. Once they started to stop responding we were having a three way conversation through my husband to get to me I said you can either talk to me in the next 24 hours or we are never discussing the topic again. Obviously they never responded and about a week ago Al reached out to my husband to see if they wanted to tinker on something, which my husband responded you need to be able to talk to my wife about what happened before he was willing to meet up. Which Al replied he agreed and that we needed to have an open conversation about it.

A couple days after that I reached out to Al to see if we could start this conversation but he wouldnt open the message. So my husband recommended i text him. I did and what I got back was K and him were busy this weekend and would need to find a weekend that works for the both of us. Al has previously lied about K working so it was hard to believe she was actually working this next weekend, but in the end I followed up with we would prefer to have the conversation sooner than later and that my husband and I would be willing to come mid week if that worked best for them because we both know the next 5 weekend either of us is busy with something else. Since I sent that message its been more radio silence. and Al said he "Im not gonna be coming around without my wife by my side, been going over there more times than I care for without kat." when I asked if we could just meet with him since he offered to come just him when this huge thing first started with the cryptic message. The silent treatment after finding out there was an issue was brutal. I never got a response and this whole thing started with assuming I knew something was wrong and that I needed to reach out. They are unwilling to listen to any other perspective than their own even though they are not the only people who were wronged in this situation. Am I unreasonable to think we should be able to have an adult discussion on it without being stonewalled?

Hey Reddit, I need some opinions because I’m feeling a little lost. My friend Karen (30F) is getting married, and while I’m super happy for her, she’s planning a huge destination wedding in the USA (we live in Europe). She keeps calling it her "real" wedding, even though there’s supposed to be a smaller one in France where we can all go but we are not invited (yet).

Here’s the thing: Karen is really pushing for my boyfriend and me to go to the USA for this wedding. I’ve tried to explain to her that I just don’t have that kind of money lying around. Her solution? Start paying for flights now in small installments and figure the rest out later. Honestly, though, I just don’t have the budget, and this would eat up my holidays for 2025, which is not really how I want to spend it.

Don’t get me wrong—I love her and would be so happy to see her on her big day, but... is it me, or are brides becoming total bridezillas with these crazy demands? Do we really have to change all our plans because it’s "their year"? Why do so many weddings now feel like a massive financial burden on the guests?

Karen doesn’t seem to understand why I’m hesitating and she keeps pushing us to get the tickets, and I’m starting to get frustrated. I even asked her about the second, more local celebration, but she brushed it off and kept insisting on the USA wedding. Am I being unreasonable for wanting to skip this whole destination wedding thing?

Throwaway.

My friend, Mary, and I are similar ages and cultural backgrounds. We have been friends for years and text/hang out often.

I got engaged about a year and a half ago and our wedding is set for October this year. Before I got engaged, I’d tell her what kind of ring I wanted and she’s share hers too and it was a nice way to share our hopes and bond. Since I got engaged, nearly every conversation, either in text or call, is about how she’s planning her wedding, how it’s so stressful, how she’s navigating so many things. The thing is, she’s not even engaged. She has a date planned and is actively looking for vendors but she’s not engaged. I’m getting married this year and any time I try to share anything about how I’m feeling or what I’m doing the conversation just shifts to her. Once she even told me not to show her what sort of decor I was doing so that it doesn’t influence her wedding.

Now even mutual friends have been told about her wedding. It just feels like, I don’t know, somehow she’s overshadowing me? That she gets soo long to plan and talk about her wedding but I only get this year. After this I don’t want to be the person constantly bringing up her wedding which would be in the past. I’m not saying her wedding won’t happen, 99% it will, which makes it even more annoying because she can be the “bride” then. But at the same time, she’s excited and I don’t want to be like “just focus on me!” But that’s exactly how I feel. I want the focus on me this year and then she can have her two extra years where she’s the bride to be.

The thing is, when I share my frustrations with my mum or partner they’re like “why do you even need to share things with her?” Or just tell me to let it go. Which makes me think I’m overreacting. It’s getting to the point where I actively avoid talking to her just so I don’t have to listen to her talk about her wedding. I kind of don’t even want to invite her to the wedding so that I avoid her talking about her own wedding there.

On the flip side, my other friend is also engaged and I enjoy talking to her about all things wedding related because she’s also getting married within a month of me and we’ve been able to go to expos and find similar things (some the same because we apparently share the same vision). But there really shouldn’t be a time limit on when someone’s wedding is I guess?

Hi everyone, r/bridezillas is looking for a chill experienced moderator who can deal with the drama and karma farming bots. The comments can get messy at times, please be prepared to deal with them.

If you’re actually helping the community grow and maintain a healthy environment, I will eventually promote you to the main moderator and leave the community to you in the future as I have many personal and professional commitments to deal with at the moment.

Thank you!

https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/application/