Bride wants to redo her bachelorette her way
I’m one of four bridesmaids plus the MoH. We threw the bride her bachelorette last week, mainly planned by the MoH. We live in Europe, where big American-style bachelorettes aren’t really the norm, but the bride told the MoH she wanted a proper celebration and that it had to be a surprise. The bride used to love partying, but since meeting her fiancé she’s said she’s in her classy “old money aesthetic” era. She also specifically said she didn’t want to get drunk or go clubbing, so we planned around that.
Another bridesmaid, “Mindy,” has become increasingly close to the bride over the past few years. She’s very opinionated and assertive, while the MoH is much more non-confrontational. Ironically, Mindy disliked the groom until only a few months ago, repeatedly saying he wasn’t “cultured enough” for the bride and laughing off the idea that he might propose anytime soon.
But ever since becoming a bridesmaid, Mindy has suddenly become extremely involved. She regularly communicates with the groom, dominates our group chats, criticises ideas while contributing almost nothing herself, and delegates tasks despite doing very little. She constantly says things like, “I talked to the bride” or “the groom told me…” almost as though she’s showing off how close she is to them. It’s gotten to the point where she feels like the bride’s bodyguard and spokesperson.
For example, I recently had a misunderstanding with Mindy and the bride over the guest list. They assumed I’d make the bride feel guilty for not inviting this person, but I thought she had already invited them and was asking me about un-inviting them. The bride asked for my opinion, and before I could even answer, Mindy interrupted with, “Be careful what you say to [bride]. You know she’ll overthink it.” That honestly threw me off.
For the bachelorette, Mindy repeatedly insisted that the bride wanted something very “classy,” with absolutely nothing tacky or “ratchet.” Combined with the bride herself saying she didn’t want to get drunk or go clubbing, we took that seriously.
The MoH therefore planned an entire day: spa, breakfast buffet, dinner and pictures at a bridesmaid’s decorated house, then drinks at a bar. The MoH, another bridesmaid and I spent about eight hours shopping, cooking and decorating. Both of them are pregnant, one heavily so, meaning I obviously handled the heavier work. Mindy said she was too busy to help.
We did secretly ignore Mindy on one thing. We know the bride well enough to know she’d find things like penis straws and pictures of her fiancé’s face funny, so we included them anyway—and we were right. She loved them.
Then, a few days later, the MoH called me crying. Apparently, the bride told her she was disappointed because the bachelorette wasn’t “fun” enough. She had wanted to walk around the city dressed as a bride-to-be, go bar hopping, play games and have people see that she was getting married. She now wants a second bachelorette done “her way.”
We were both shocked because that’s almost the opposite of what we thought she wanted based on everything she and Mindy had told us. We also suspect she may have changed her mind after finding out the groom will be going out drinking for his bachelor party.
The MoH now feels like she failed and wasn’t good enough. She tried explaining that Mindy’s insistence on keeping everything classy influenced the planning, but the bride dismissed it and told her she should have “had her claws out.” The MoH also feels she can’t really talk to the bride about Mindy because the bride seems to enjoy the attention and the idea of people “fighting over her.”
And to top it off, on the date the bride wants to redo her bachelorette, basically the only bridesmaid available to go with her is Mindy.
Me and the MoH are now just waiting for this wedding to be over because it’s stressing us out.