u/GratuitousSadism

I keep getting stuck in this cycle of getting so severely unsettled and violently depressed that I can't think of anything to do to calm down besides sedating myself and trying to sleep it off. It works occasionally but lately I've just been waking up in the middle of the night with the drugs worn off and nothing to distract me from the pain.

I can't stop crying. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know what to do. I've tried so many things and none of it helps. There's not even a point in reaching out to the people around me because it won't do anything besides stress them out or scare them off. I can't handle anyone else leaving me. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything.

It's hard to imagine that I'm the same person now as I was back then. She feels like a total stranger, albeit one with many of the same problems I still have.

I'm sorry I was sick. I'm sorry I still am. I'm sorry you were too. I love you.

I want someone who loves me to beat me until I'm bleeding.

I want them to kiss me until I feel better.

I don't ever want to feel anything again.

I want this to be over.