u/GreenEyes128

My (39F) husband (37M) and I have been together 5 years, married for one. Shortly after our wedding, my mom got sick and passed away a few months later, last summer. I took two weeks off from work around this time, but since then all I've wanted to do and need is a break. A proper vacation to lay on the beach and just relax.

We've also had no success in getting pregnant or buying a house, so the last year has felt super unproductive and stressful on top of grieving.

We live near my family and see them often/have a good relationship. His family lives a 2 hour flight away. Despite not wanting to spend the first holidays without my mom visiting my in laws, I went out for Christmas and of course was miserable. Come January-April my husband can't take off from work. Now summer is here and we booked our summer visit to see his family in June. I told him I was going to take a week off in August around the one year anniversary of my moms passing and could we do a trip and he suggested going to visit more of his family. Like what?!

My husband grew up low income and never went on family vacations and sees them as a luxury - which they are - but we do really well financially. He likes to use his vacation time to visit friends and family but to me that is not a vacation at all! I feel so burnt out and need a break - I could travel alone but of course prefer to make these memories with my husband. Idk what to do now - I regret almost a year has gone by and I haven't taken a proper break/rest and that's what my mind needs most.

TL;DR: I need a vacation to grieve mom's passing and husband suggested visiting his family again. We don't see eye to eye on how to plan our vacation time (I want a proper vacation/he wants to visit family).

I lost my mom 9 months ago after a long battle with cancer. She was my world and it's been devastating, but I've been managing. Focusing on work, eating healthy, sleeping, lifting weights and talking with my husband/family. I've had a hard time with anxiety since my mom passed, and I get overwhelmed and overstimulated very easily (this is all new to me). I've always been introverted but now I feel even less desire to socialize, which is hard when I'm married to a very social husband. 

My husband has been amazing toward me and my dad / siblings during this time. He truly has been so patient and understanding. We live close to my family and see each other regularly, get along well and help one another as we grieve. I'm very grateful for the support. 

We visit my husband's parents/family/friends twice a year - usually in the summer and then at Christmas. He's not super close to his parents in the way I am with mine - they're ok, just very different and we don't have much in common with them. My MIL makes some comments here and there that annoy me (like hinting toward moving in with us). Anyway - it's time to plan our summer visit and I'm getting such anxiety thinking about it. When I went over Christmas it was awful for me (first holidays without my mom / only 3 months after she passed). We usually stay at husband's friends house - they're nice friends and I get along with them, but they constantly have people over / music playing / out late. Husband also has lots of family and friends so of course he wants to make the most of his visits and see everyone so we're usually jumping from one plan to the next. Again, everyone is nice but the thought of socializing non stop for a couple days makes me anxious. I'm at the point in my grief where I need a lot of quiet, alone time and I'm in bed by 10pm. Knowing I won't have my own quiet retreat to go back to stresses me out. If I start getting overwhelmed my heart rate increases and I won't sleep - which is what happened at Christmas.

Anyway, I want to be there for my husband and make the effort to see his family and friends since he does a lot for my family (especially over the last year). But at the same sense I know I'll be a jittery mess. He already thinks I don't care for his parents (partially true) so I feel like he's insecure about that. I didn't understand much about grief until I lost my mom so i realize to someone who hasn't gone through it before, it sounds ridiculous that I don't feel like socializing. Idk what to do :(